Yep. Understand that there are very few who’ve drank to the point of intoxication, who can honestly say they’ve never done anything regretful or embarrassing. Heck, there are things I’ve done that I regret when I was cold sober.
Here’s the good news: the longer you are sober, the less you’ll dwell on memories of when you were drinking. You’ll spend less and less time looking back, and more and more looking forward. You’ll learn to forgive yourself with the honest effort of getting better at getting better!
I totally get this. I have some serious guilt and shame and embarassment over things ive done while under the influence. Whenever i start to think about the past, i remind myself that I cant change what already happened. The only thing i can change is what i do today, in this moment. I find it crucial in my recovery to stay present. If i focus on the past and all the wrongs ive commited, it hurts me emotionally and mentally which in turn can increase the urge to use. So i just choose to focus on today hope this helps!
Time and altered behaviour that you can take pride in will make those flashbacks come less and less. Every now and then I will come across something that reminds me again and I have to tell myself that I can’t change the past, but I make effort to have a different present every day.
Hey Lou, i totally get this and ive felt it the same… i did some atrocious things while drinking too but i can tell you from my own experience that the longer you stay sober and do the work on yourself that guilt become less intense and starts being replaced with a sense of self respect and peace, its one of the many gifts that sobriety will bring u …
I used to suffer terribly from negative intrusive thoughts and memories that kept forcing their way into my mind, I still do from time to time. They’re like scars on my face that rear their ugly heads every single time I get a glance of my own reflection. It made my stomach turn when they appeared from the deep dark parts of my mind without any kind of warning or recognizable trigger.
The only way I found to accept them was to understand that I was ill at the time. I really wasn’t well at all. I am not that person anymore and my behaviour has changed.
One particular memory wasn’t really bad, it was more like a cringe moment. It was when I was caught drinking someone else’s drink at a bar. I can’t honestly say if I did it accidentally or not, I can’t remember, but I recently told the other person that I cringe badly when it pops in my mind. They couldn’t remember me doing it, but they knew the bar, and told me it was 7 years ago!
My point is, I believe guilt, remorse, shame - all truly come from within. These thoughts have a massive impact because you let them. You are the only one that is allowing a negative feeling to win.
You’ll probably find that speaking to trusted people will put these thoughts into perspective, you may even find that some people will find them quite funny or tell you that they’ve done worse.
It takes a while, but they will stop becoming so jarring once you process them. If you really struggle badly, or they really are terrible things you’ve done, you could always ask about cognitive behavioural therapy. That way you can work through them with a professional.
Thanks Lou, i wasnt looking for praise i just wanted you to know that ive been where youve been, what i did about it and what came from it, if i can do it you can. As addicts weve all done shitty things…yes they are your actions but those bad actions dont make u a bad person, its an illness but thankfully you can overcome it
Oh I understand, but truly - I’m speechless. I’ve been through a similar past and understand the strength, resolve and sheer stubbornness it takes to beat those demons down. And this world rarely makes it any easier. The praise is deserved. I’m humbled by your support and hope you know that you’ve strengthened me by sharing. I just know that i can never go back to the choices I was making before. I’m grateful for the chance to become who I’m supposed to be. And you’re now one of my heroes. I’ll tag you when I hit my one year!
Every time I attempt to go sober I’m only 3 days in so far I’m hot with a massive wave of emotion. Things not just from me drinking but from my past that I’ve used alcohol to clearly blur from my mind. I recently listened to a podcast which really opened my eyes. The past will always be there and its up to us to process it and how we dealt with it and learn from it to move forward. I think once you embrace it and fully own what you did and learn from it then you can move forward. Life is a constant learning lesson. I write a journal and try to express my emotions on that and once I’ve got it out I can deal with it and move forward.
Good luck on your journey and I hope I can continue on mine
This is all i want, to help and for you to know that this can be done, try and pinpoint what brought you to drinking and work on those…the real crux of the matter…ask yourself what were you using drink to escape from, comfort from, why did you want the oblivion in the first place…you dont have to answer that on here but try and work on those things, for me it was abandonment issues and self esteem, i found writing those things down gave me a good start…it helps to focus when you write things on paper…im here if u need me and il be watching your posts, vent as much as you can there are some super wise heads on here. Sending my love, i think you can do this
Thank you. Nevertheless my experiences, life is easier without alcohol. I am one year sober. I encourage you to continue without the booze and being the best of yourself.
“The absolute horror and shame as it keeps hitting me is just so intense and I feel utterly wretched.” Would you feel like that towards another who is going through what you went through? I.e ashamed of them, horrified by them? If no, then why are you feeling that towards yourself? Is it time to feel the same as you would feel towards another human who was going through that? If yes, what other deeper lessons have you learnt from that passed behaviour? Concentrate on building something NEW from your experiences, building on the already positive things that are going on, not on the negative feelings that they are giving you. Just remember that behind every action is a positive intention. We drink because we FEEL like its doing something for us even though we KNOW its bad for us. Suppressing something, makes me happy, feel invincible, brave, breaks down an emotional barrier etc etc and for some reason even though its fake we still except the consequences until one day we DONT except the consequences anymore and we begin our journey on sobriety.
Hi @Galen_82 . No, I would not feel that way towards another as I have no real understanding of what they’ve experienced and are dealing with. All of our experiences are unique. I understand mine in depth and on a level that I can only try to express with words. Yes, I feel horror and shame when reflecting. I am very honest about that and will never water it down. It hurts, absolutely, but also spurs me on. I hoped for advice here as I have begun to experience more occurences where the feeling of being pulled down is outweighing the feeling of being spurred on. I need to allow myself to feel what I’m feeling so that I can work through it. Tips on doing that are what are helping me.
Thank you. It really is easier without the alcohol, and the support is definitely necessary for working through all the new experiences and lessons that we face as we move forward. I look forward to hearing more of your journey, keep sharing!
totally & completely understand this. oftentimes it was the guilt and shame for my regrettable behavior that drove me to continue drinking!! it’s a trap. the trick for me is sitting in that guilt and shame, feeling it, gleaning the most important lessons from them (# being don’t use the substance that made me act that way) and after enough rumination, feel into my heart for the forgiveness. we are human and we make mistakes. sometimes they’re awful mistakes. it feels bad, there’s no way around it. but by meeting that shame with the love that is at the core of forgiveness, we can embrace ourselves and shift the energy forward. i’m with you!
Hey, lovely. I’m ok so far today. Thank you so much for checking in. Things are rather hectic and frustrating but I’m dealing with the incredible rawness of it all by burying myself in better things every spare moment I get.
How are you? And how is the week treating you so far? I really do hope you’re ok. Message me anytime
It’s god to hear you’re finding good things to occupy your time. I’ve started sewing again and its amazing how lost I can get in a project! I’m doing good thank you, this week is flying by though and feel like I shoukd gave done so much more…progress not perfection though, I’m chipping away at stuff.
hope this helps!
