I can feel myself slipping back into my old way of thinking. And I don’t like it. For the past year I’ve been loving life but the past several weeks it seems nothing brings me joy. I can’t find the motivation to do anything. I was loving going to the gym, being outside doing yard work, visiting state parks now all those things just sound blah to me. Literally nothing sounds fun or exciting like I’ve lost my spark for adventure. Now I’ll admit I’ve never been completely abstinent from alcohol yet but I was down to just drinking once a month only a small amount on our monthly family cookout and honestly I know that’s not considered a victory to most but for me it was, I was for a few years completely out of control drinking several days a week and my life was totally spiraling so once a month has been a good thing for me personally so far. But the past few weeks I’ve felt so low I’ve drank every couple days. I really think depression is getting ahold of me and I know drinking provides some temporary relief, but temporary is the key word! It’s not solving anything. Anyway I just wanted to share these feelings because saying it outloud makes me feel better, keeping it to myself was only making things worse. I did go to a few AA meetings around a year ago and I definitely felt it was a safe place to talk but at the same time I felt like a kid at the first day of school and the uncomfortable feelings kept me away but maybe the hard truth is I need to feel uncomfortable to get to the bottom of what really leads me mindlessly to taking that first sip. I have a beautiful life I can honestly say that! I’m just scared to go back to my old ways, I refuse to do that but I know how slippery that slope can be. Sorry for the long post I just needed to share this, sharing gives me the power to let these feelings out and own and take control of them. Anyway it’s a 4 day weekend for me and my Birthday is Tuesday… I will not drink because I want to be present and enjoy my family and if the thought even crosses my brain I will post again for strength but I plan on being busy busy so I’m not worried but you never know. I honestly need to post more and be more active here because it really helps me keep honest with myself 
So when is the next time your planning on drinking. As you have identified yourself drinking or drugging is most often the symptom of our problems not the cause.
Do you really need to drink at these family cookouts, it just sounds like your playing with fire a little and if you can get it down to once s month then you can get it down to never. This is unless alcohol actually offers you something, I’m yet to see anyone post on here something positive that alcohol has brought to the table🙂
Hi Jenni…
I totally understand that Meh feeling.
What I find helps me when a event or situation is coming up is to visualize me going through it without drinking. Over and over until that visualization becomes what I now expect. Just as drinking can trick my brain one way, I can trick it back.
Try doing some volunteer work
I never really plan on drinking. It just usally happens I have a problem with social anxiety and sad to say this but everyone ends up just getting on my nerves!! Maybe it’s just an excuse and just my last little bit of holding on I don’t know really. I definitely need to work on it.
These feelings kind of come in phases. I’m proud of my progress so far I’ve come along way. I guess right now I’m just in a low spot and I need to remind myself this will pass but it’s not easy for sure! Just venting a little has made me feel better. I bottle everything up until it all just blows up I got to stop doing that.
It seems you have made some stellar progress I don’t really have much alcohol experience. I asked as I was genuinely interested, pls don’t think I was trying to criticise you 
No offense taken! I just needed to vent for awhile mostly lol I feel much better thank you for responding it does me good to just talk about it with others who understand!
Maybe try a meeting again wish you well
Thank you I think I will because those old thoughts are really toying with me, crazy because they were no problem for quite sometime but I guess they will always lay dormant waiting to attack for the rest of my life I’ve got to accept that! I refuse to go back to my old ways. It causes me to miss out on so much because I go into my own little world when I drink a party for one if you will!! I had to have a pep talk with myself already today about how unproductive I’ll be if I have a drink!! Currently I’m about to pressure wash my house so that will definitely keep my mind off drinking because it’s a pain in the butt but also kind of soothing I love seeing transformation from dirty house to clean lol you never know how dirty it really is until you start blasting that water on it!! Anyway just wanted to check it since the thought did cross my mind, now back to getting shit done Sober❤