My name is Brook. I’m 29 from NZ. I’ve been on this app for almost two years now and it’s helped me stay off the drugs, alcohol and nicotine for just as long. The day has come however to tackle my biggest demon now which is sex addiction.
For as long as I can remember sex has had a hold on me and has caused a significant amount of pain in my life due to hurting people i have been in relationships with. In recent years I have managed to gain a bit more control over the sexual acting out, but porn and masturbation still consumes too much of my mind and time. I want to be clean from it.
Today marks my official quit date from PMO and I will be using this thread as a daily check in to keep myself accountable and document my experience. For those who wish to follow along I welcome your thoughts and support.
Good for you Brook! There’s a good number of people here recovering from the same thing. Search “PMO” “porn” “masturbation” or similar terms and you’ll find a bunch of threads.
Day two and I’m feeling good today. Went to the gym and found my mind sort of wandering when passing attractive girls which is something i’m hoping becomes less of an issue the longer i stay ‘sober’ from PMO and sexual acting out.
I’m not ever creepy at the gym, nor would i stare/hit on anyone at the gym but it still bothers me that the sort of sexual fleeting thoughts are there. Just tried to focus on my workout and let the feelings/thoughts come and go.
Been watching heaps of sort of self help youtube videos on various subjects which is helping. One day at a time.
I experience(d) this too. For me I make a difference between noticing and fixating (and objectifying, which is associated with fixating).
Noticing is fine. You walk by someone (could be at the gym, or anywhere really) and you notice “hmmm _____ is beautiful” and you keep walking; within a few seconds it passes and you’re on with your life. In the gym, for me, I would use it as fuel for more focus on my reps: lean into them, burn out the distraction through the exercise. (If I’m on the street I’ll do something to ground myself in my body: focus on the steps, the feel of the pavement under my feet, really, mindfully, ground myself.) Noticing is natural - all humans do it - and it passes in a few seconds, and you’re on with your life.
Fixating is not OK. If I feed my fixation by sinking into fantasies, if this person I saw becomes an object for my imagination to play with, then I am dehumanizing both them and myself (because I am making them an object for me to use, and I am making myself someone who uses others as objects).
It takes conscious attention, especially in the early days. For me what was helpful was mindfulness exercises like this one, which focus on finding a safe, grounded space in my own body, so I release the fixations:
Take care and stay aware, and don’t give up. Be compassionate with yourself and gently call yourself back to presence every day. It’s a process, and the journey is what matters (it never really ends: I’m still working on being mindful and present today; there may be different challenges I’m facing but there are still challenges).
What you have said is exactly my experience and the challenges i face not just in the gym, but in plenty of other public settings. As you said, it’s a form of objectification.
I’ll remember to try and do these grounding exercises next time and see how they go. I’m familiar with mindfulness techniques so i’ll try my best to employ them here.
