I recently had 12 days sober from alcohol but drank this past weekend. I’m battling severe depression over the past couple weeks. I have no thoughts about death, but otherwise don’t care about myself or my recovery. I don’t care about the long terms effects or about possible hangovers. Everything feels awful right now and I crave even temporary relief. My therapist hasn’t been particularly helpful lately. I’m already on medication which has been working until recently. I’m so discouraged by everything. I’m in tears all the time and barely get through work each day. That uses every ounce of energy and strength I have. I live alone and don’t have much of a support system. I just needed to vent.
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I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time right now. Hugs to you
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I’m glad you’re here. You started on this journey and just like all of us you had no idea where you got yourself into. Yet here you are. With us. We’re in this together. Can’t do it alone. Hugs and love.
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Thanks @Dan531 and @Mno. I appreciate the support. I really feel like I need help with my depression but don’t know what that would look like. A change in therapist? Increase in meds? Time off work? I feel lost and over it all.
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There’s a number of different options you just mentioned that all might be worth investigating.
You might want to talk to someone who has knowledge of the interaction between alcohol and your medicines, and how the working of your meds changed now you don’t drink no more. That might be your therapist but that might not be your therapist either. Just an idea.
You might need to not work for a bit, or less. You might need a new therapist or therapy, or an additional one that knows about addiction.
All for you to find out. And work on. Yes it’s work. Lots of it. I’ve been doing it for three years and sometimes I’m tired of it. And feel like there’s no use and no progress. But that’s ‘just’ my depressieve side talking. We go on. We do make progress. We live. There’s no alternative. Drinking sure isn’t one. X
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I did talk to my psychiatrist recently and she didn’t want to change my meds quite yet. I did search for therapist that take my insurance who specialize in addiction and sent an email someone who might be taking new patients. I had an assessment with in intensive outpatient program today. Problem is that they are virtual doing it over Zoom, and I’m not sure I could do 3 hours more on the computer after a work day on the computer. I don’t feel like I could afford to be off work long enough to be inpatient anywhere. Work is actually the one constant that keeps me going.
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I am sorry you are suffering and glad you reached out here. 
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You mention your meds were working up until recently, i have been on many antidepressants and sometimes when you feel they aren’t working he dr may need to adjust the dosage.
Im sorry your feeling so low 
many here can relate to this so please know you aren’t alone, i know it can feel like you are but we are all here to support you through this.
I have to remind myself that these feelings are temporary and this time will pass and there are many good days ahead.
I kept hearing everyone mention ‘One day at a time’ and it took a while for it to stick and for me to get used to this and now i use it for all parts of my life, for my recovery and even for my mental health i just have to get through today “just for today” and “one day at a time” really does work to live by this when things are bad.
I also talk to my dr regularly and maybe you need to mention how your feeling now so they can help you a bit more
I know for years i didnt get the correct help because i wasnt truthfull how low i felt or about my addiction with my dr.
Its only when i spoke how i really felt and was open about my addiction i got the right help.
I can tell you better bright days are ahead and its great your reaching out for support.
You live alone, Maybe meetings would help too, to get some face to face human interaction in a safe place with people who have been where you are.
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Thanks for the support! I did recently meet with my doctor and she didn’t want to change my meds at this time. I am seeking a therapist that specializes in addiction. I’ve been hesitant to go to a meeting but did find an online meeting in the evenings that I’ve thought about trying. Maybe I can force myself to join tomorrow. I do live alone and need more of a support system.
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I definitely recommend meetings, face to face or online. For those of us who dont have a auppot a system its good idea to build our own ones.
Although its hard and we wish the people around us understood our troubles or even cared unfortunately we have to get on with it, i realised this a few months in sobriety that there is a way through this and its to get to meetings and meet people that do understand and to build a supoort system around me- being here with this community is my support system and slowly im building one for myself at meetings.
Things will be okay, im not sure how much sober time you have, as the early days really does mess with our emotions and it does balance out.
Stay strong you can get through this, i believe in you
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Also i litrally lived on this zoom meeting called the 24 hour marathon meeting - i really is always on 24 hours day and night.
This is the zoom code there is no password:
2923712604
You can join with your audio and camera off and jus listen in to others share their journeys.
It can be so powerfull to just listen.
You wont get called out you really can just be in the background and no one will know your there.
Early in my sobriety this helped me so much, i hope maybe i can help you too
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Go to meetings. At least it gets you in contact with other people, provides you a support system.
As for changes, I understand the urge to change therapist and medication, but sometimes it worth just giving recovery some time. Especially early sobriety can mess up your head and changing dosage and / or medication can’t change that.
Try to be as active as possible on here, to keep focussed on recovery.
Things dó get better.
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You gotta get sober before the meds can work and before therapy will begin to work. As long as you have an Out, that’s what alcohol is, the escape from your life, you won’t engage in therapy in a meaningful way. That is not to do with you, it’s just how it is, that’s why we drink. The reason you don’t care about your life is because you’re deep in your addiction. That needs to stop first and foremost. Nothing will change without sobriety.
Therefore the order is:
Meetings.
Sobriety.
Then give your current therapist and meds combination a chance to work.
If you don’t feel like anything’s changing in six months, start looking to change therapist or meds. But I don’t think that will happen.
I’ve had severe depression since I was 15. One therapy in my 20s did not “work” because I still drank then, albeit not as much as later on. The second therapy I’m still in I entered at the end of my drinking. I showed up the first few times drunk. Told my therapist once we had securely agreed to work together. That’s over three years ago now and my life has been transformed. There is hope for you. But stop blaming other shit and work on your sobriety. Good luck!
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Thanks @Twizzlers I’ll check that out. I think I could handle an online meeting where I could keep my camera off.
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