almost five weeks and relapse . note to myself : not even one tiny bottle of beer in a fine restaurant . the next thing was a gig with my band and musicians get free drinks .
i thought i would be stronger . felt so confident . for fuck’s sake how i loathe that glitter eyed abomination in the mirror who spent my money and got this headache and sickness .
There’s only one thing for it - get back on that horse and go again. You got to almost 5 weeks so that will have given the sober muscles a good workout. If you can learn from your relapse you can get it to work in your favour. When I relapsed in March I documented how it made me feel, and now whenever I feel like there’s a strong trigger approaching I’ll read over it again as part of my toolkit. Wishing you the best.
Congratulations on getting to 5 weeks, and I’m glad that you’re here working on it.
Our brains lie to us that we can have just one, or that this time will be different and we just have to be able to know that we’re being lied to.
Hang in there, you can do this!
It’s all or nothing for us all, or we wouldn’t be here. Here goes nothing. Success.
“this time will be different” - said by every addict and alcoholic
Having time sober I find this sentence comes up more and more in my head. I now actively tell myself that’s the sickness talking. I’ll tell myself “sorry you’re an alcoholic and no it will not be different”
The mental gymnastics of trying to moderate my drinking was exhausting. Thinking 
“okay I’ll just have 1, maybe two”
“I’m only drinking coolers. No hard alcohol” (as if a cooler isn’t alcohol)
“I’ll make sure to be in bed by midnight”
All of it was so mind consuming. I wouldn’t even be having fun with the people I’m with because I’m just overly fixated on monitoring my consumption.
So thankful I can finally enjoy a night talking to the people I love
Alcoholic math and bargaining never work for us. We’ve almost all tried it. Just staying sober is so much easier. Get back after it!