Note to Goat: Do not get captured and made into a drum tomorrow. Can’t believe no one wanted the extra. Everyone kept saying that there ain’t something right about that Goat…so odd.
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This brought the house down. Never heard so few people make so much noise.
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Remember, that we all are brothers
All people, and beasts, and trees
and stone and wind
We all descend from the one great being
That was always there
Before people lived and named it
Before the first seed sprouted
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If you feel like having some addiction emotions, I hadn’t listened to this song before just now. I started sobbing while driving, and have to spend a minute in my car composing myself before I go back into work.
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Goat doesn’t tend to shed many tears. This is one song that can really test Goat. Never really understood why… and as I got sober I drifted away from this scene and back into other music loves. Little did I know the last time i saw this played live (with Infamous String Dusters & Nicki Bluhm) I was living this song. Things were closing in and my light bulb was barely flickering, with the filament holding me to life growing thinner and thinner.
A post in another thread made me think about how I had no tools for living when i hit bottom. My parents did the best they could, but i was meant to live a life they could not have never dreamed of. Despite seemingly having it all together, those tools never came along like they seem to for others. From high school on, I was bouncing around looking for something, but I had no idea what. But there came a time when I couldn’t be a gypsy any longer… because I had things and responsibilities. But that didn’t fix that emptiness inside me. I needed more. More money? More prestige? More things? Longer hair? More sex, booze and rock and roll? Throughout it all alcohol was always there for me – telling me the answer was in the bottom of a bottle. I just needed to find the right one.
But as a friend in the program tells me — it is going to work out – just not like that. The ironic thing is that the answer was in the bottom of a bottle. The one that drove me to a bottom where I almost lost it all – connection to reality, all the things in my life – and almost my life. For once in my life, I didn’t double down on the bottle and listened to what I came to know as my higher power telling me that I could not go on living this way. And one day, I’ll get back to the those sweet southern winds.
Public Service Announcement:
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I think promoting Jerry Garcia is dangerous for newcomers. I think it sets a really bad example to put so much stock in someone who didn’t really care about sobriety. It may give someone the impression that continued heroin abuse is a good thing. I think there are plenty of other musicians who are much better examples, and better musicians. I really think this thread should come with a warning that it promotes bands and musicians who promote using drugs.
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I do believe Billy Joel is sober these days.
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For so long, sad records and alcohol were the tinder and the gasoline so that I could waller in the sadness and pain. Someone once said to me that in this fog, the world feels nice and small and easy to deal with. There was only one kind of pain and one set of rules to deal with it. I thought that this was the way to deal with life.
Sobriety and spirituality has brought so many gifts-- one of which was turning music into a healing power and giving me experiences that were beyond anything I could have ever conceived. Through this conduit,come the unexpected gifts that pop up on the way, connection with others and an HP, and like this morning stumbling into a meditation that I didn’t plan and didn’t know I needed.
Everywhere you look, you see what you are looking for. For so long, I was a venomous and angry Goat that saw no good in the world or in people. Life was to be survived, not enjoyed. Being of service to my fellow man only came when they showed me some dead presidents. I was miserable, so I saw nothing but misery. The cessation of consumption of alcohol allowed enough space to allow something miraculous to happen over time. The unconditional love of others, created enough room to allow that seed of love to be planted within me. It took time, but while i was working on me, that seed grew (without my knowing cultivation) until it was a force within that I could no longer hide. If you would have told me that the Goat sitting here today was possible just a year ago, I would have told you that you were batshit coco bananas. Little did I know that I was crippled but free, blind but learning to see. Little acts of love, kindness, and understanding seem so trivial at times that what’s the point – until I remember how it all started within for Goat.
Without love, day to day, insanity is king. Keep on trudgin.
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Ironically enough the same music I used to suffer in is also the same music that I now find healing in knowing that I don’t live there anymore… 
TRIGGER SADNESS FOR SOME…
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Yesterday is gone and tomorrow doesn’t exist. Now is all we got.
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From day to day
just letting it ride
you get so far away
from how it feels inside
You can’t let go
cause you’re afraid to fall
Comes a time
when the blind man
takes your hand
says: don’t you see?
got to make it somehow
on the things you still believe
Don’t give it up
you’ve got an empty cup
only love can fill
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Got to enjoy these guys last night when then opened for the goddess, Amanda Shires…
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