Hi Bailey, welcome to the community. I also started using at a very young age to escpae the huge feelings I had and didn’t know how to handle. I was often told my feelings were out of line and so the best way I knew how to stop them was to get loaded. 33 years I was in active addiction and avoided feeling my feelings. Unfortunately for me that meant I didn’t get to feel any of my good feelings either. As my disease progressed though the bad feelings started to come back 10 fold. Feelings like shame, remorse, anger, resentment, self loathing and I couldn’t escape them. It didn’t matter how much I drank or drugged I just couldn’t escape myself and all I wanted to do was die. Today I am 2.5 years clean and I am so grateful that I get to feel my feelings today, even the shitty ones. Feelings are a gift, they remind us that we are alive. No matter how hard my days get there is no way I could ever feel as bad as I did when I was trying to escape my feelings. That’s something I never want to forget.
Going back out won’t make your pain go away, it will only prolong your processing. Stick with us, check in here…
Checking in daily to maintain focus #46
you deserve to live a life without substances. 