Regardless, you never know what will be in the next batch! Itās always a risk.
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Welcome back. You can do it again and ideally this time will be forever.
Lol unless you live in Colombia itās not pure.
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And how I know your talking out your ass is that 7 grams of pure cocaine in one day most likely would have killed you without fentanyl. Especially if you had some clean time.
You seem like the type of dude who comes on a sobriety website to brag about how much coke they did and how good it was 
.
You donāt seem like you want to get sober at all. Or donāt care that you relapsed since you seem to think itās a joke.
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I dont understand why you have to talk to me like this. What did I do to you? Why would i talk out of my ass? Why are you acusing me of things if you have never met me or dont know me besides a few messages on the internet? You should know that assuming how other people are, think or behave is completely wrong. You dont know me so dont talk like you do.
I dont need to prove anything to you and you should think about the words you said to me so maybe next time you will avoid doing that to another person.
We are all addicts, we have a condition and we all know how this problem affects us.
You should know that before attacking me with these words for no reason.
In the journey for sobriety, having a friend like you is like having an enemy. If you dont have anything positive or helpful to say to an addict, dont say anything then. Keep your agressiveness and sarcasm to yourself.
Take care and enjoy your weekend.
I hope you take your sobriety as seriously as my responses. I originally cautioned you because fentanyl is getting laced in with coke a lot. But itās cool cuz you wanna make yourself out like you got Pablo on speed dial. But trust me when I say that no matter what you think your drug dealer doesnāt give one shit about you or any of their customers. That coke you think is pure has been stomped on 5 times before it hits your nose. And unless you were watching personally each time it was cut you donāt have the slightest idea whatās in it. So you can laugh all ya want about in your thread title but I hope that doesnāt reflect your actual attitude. Too many people are dying to think this shit is funny.
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I remember you Gonzo. Glad you are back. Do you think that rehab might be a good option for you? I am sorry that you are struggling. I left for awhile too, and recently came back.
Hi @Daphnecat , thanks for the kind words. 
In fact i just talked to my psychiatric yesterday about an inpatient treatment. I think its a good idea to go to a rehab clinic for some time to get clean and remove the cravings.
Unfortunately i cant do that due to my job. Only if I quit it. We agreed that I will try to get better now, if things dont improve, or get worse, i will go to a rehab clinic.
I did it once so im confident i do it again. With or without inpatient treatment. I told my doctor and my wife that either i fix this or i will die. So i believe i can fix this. Death is not an option.
My friend, you keep assuming things about me again. I could assume that you are just an internet troll, but i wont. I learned not to make assumptions about anyone, even the people close to me.
Keep your assumptions to yourself. And reflect about your words.
This is just a waste of our time. I wont spend my time reading and replying to your assumptions and agressiveness.
Take care.
No assumptions. Just reading the words as you have them written.
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I am not trying to take your inventory, nor clean your side of the street (so pardon me, if it feels that way)ā¦ but the statement above has been stuck in my head since I read it.
Did you really? For me, looking back there was no real enjoyment. It took adding up sober days, and fixing some things about meā¦but I never enjoyed those days.
Looking back what I thought was fun was actually me numbing down the current feelings of lonliness, fear, embarrassment, ect, ect, ect.
Just my thought
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Thatās how I feel about my drinking days. In the moment I thought I was truly living life. I thought I was the coolest guy out there and being drunk was badass and it was cool to have a ālive fast, die hardā kind of attitude.
Now that Iāve been sober for a little bit, Iāve come to understand what enjoying life really means. I will admit that I donāt think I could truly enjoy the little things as much as I do nowadays without having been slogging through life as a drunk first.
But hey, thatās not to say that someone out there canāt actually enjoy that type of lifestyle I suppose.
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Welcome back 
Although we havenāt interacted much, I always noticed your posts because Gonzo is one of my fave Muppets! (Muppet Christmas Carol. Need I say more. Gonzo can give Morgan Freeman a run for his money as a narrator 
)
Me personally Iāve had conflicted feelings about family. I am still unpacking it but itās something that comes back in my feelings and thoughts again and again. Feelings of chafing you against (perceived?) obligations; against a sense of a gap between who I (think I) am and who I (think I) should be.
You mentioned,
In your first post here on TS, in 2019, you were reflecting on your family, and they obviously matter to you, but you also said you
Where do you think you picked up this sense of being stuck in your life? I think a lot of us would empathize with it. Where do you think it started?
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Letās face it, drug dealers are not famed for their honesty or integrityā¦ I donāt think you can believe their claims that it is totally pure / the best. Not that it makes it any better.
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Of course. But with all these years of use and buying from several different sources, i can tell the difference from A to B and to C.
Hi Matt 
What you said about āwho I think Iam or who I think a should beā applies to me too.
I think what happens/happened to me is that i always had a self destructive personality which got way worse after a big tragedy in my close family resulting in death.
Big traumatic events re-wire our brains. So long story short: i had this self destructive life accepting the fact that i would die at an early age because of it. I didnt fear death. I accepted who i was at that time. And, because of that, i never felt bad or guilty or anything for doing drugs.
That was until i had a family and kids. Of course everything changed. I started having a conflict between the āwho i thought i was or who i thought i should beā like you said.
On top of that, in the recent years the relationship with my wife got really bad, which makes things even more difficult.
And BTW, gonzo is awesome
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Exactly, we cant judge people or assume we know whats better for them. Everyone has their own reasons to do what they do.
As far as the ācool attitudeā of live fast die hard, in my case, it was never that. I just replied to @Matt below (or above? 
) that after a big tragic event, i got a lot more self destructive and i accepted that i was going to die. There was nothing cool about it. Just acceptance of who i was and what was going to happen to me.
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People are different. Some people like gorgonzola cheese and some cant stand it.
The only thing we all agree is that everyone likes pizza
Ok jokes aside, people are just different. Like @Nordique said: some people enjoy that life style.
Enjoy your sunday 
I think whatās interesting about this isnāt whether or not you fear death (or are / have been self-destructive). All of us here are self destructive, or have been
Whatās interesting and important here, is whether you fear life.
Do you? Why?
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Hit the nail on the head Matt.
I think thatās a huge reason why so many of us drink (or use) to excess. I know it was a major factor in my drinking.
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