Got stood up for Christmas

My fiance and I were invited to a friend’s house for Christmas dinner. I explained to my friend that I was not drinking. When I told my friend that I had no intention on drinking, I noticed that the mood changed. I recently got fired from my job for showing up to work intoxicated. I have 9 days today. My fiance has some health issues and his body was aching so my friend offered to come over to our house instead of us coming to her house. I can’t claim unemployment benefits because I got fired for drinking. I don’t have a lot of extra money. But I brought and cooked food because they were coming by. They never showed or called and I am in my feelings. Should I not care? Or should I understand that my friend didn’t have the courage to tell me that she wanted to drink? She could have just said that and I wouldn’t be stuck with this food…thanks for listening

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Man that sucks. Kind of a damper.

My opinion is that you’re allowed to care. You can allow yourself the emotion that you’re upset or annoyed, knowing you should be treated well, and I think that can coexist in tension with accepting what happened and moving forward without resentment. There were better ways it could have and perhaps should have gone down, and at the same time it’s over and doesn’t have to ruin more moments going forward.


I’d be pretty annoyed if I was you. But… You don’t know the reason why they didn’t come until you’ve spoken to them. There could be a genuine reason. And really until you know, it’s a bit pointless being upset about it. So reach out to your friend and see what happened? It might open up a deeper conversation about how you can socialise together in future or it might show that your friendship was mainly based around drinking. Or it might show you something else. Either way you will be able to have an emotional response based on what’s actually happened rather than your perception of what things might be. And you will have learned something about yourself and your friend - life and sobriety is a learning process!

At least Christmas food is awesome so you will have lots of tasty leftovers :blush:


I think it’s rude not to come without letting you know! I would have a conversation with them later and share your feelings with them.
I wish you well :heart:


Hmpf…I’m sorry that happened. It seems like maybe it’s what you thought and she wanted to drink and didn’t know how to say it. But…that’s just supposition so, it’s not even worth thinking about. The REALITY, is that you stayed sober, you did what was right for your fiancés body, and now you have food ready for the rest of the week. It sounds like you’ve done an amazing job. Keep up the fantastic work.
Much Love,


Maybe get some better friends. Sober friends. Friends who want better for you, even more than you’d want for yourself.


My thought is a combo of @ifs and @siand…you have every right to feel what you are feeling, just don’t base those feelings on assumptions.

Hugs. Being stood up sucks. I hope you can freeze a lot of that food and eat it over the next few weeks.


I’ve had this happen. I would talk to them and see what happened. That is very rude and they have some explaining to do. What I did was cut out people who didn’t have my best interest at heart. It sucks but I rather share my life with those who actually care about me. That being said though perhaps they had a good reason but still they should of called or text to let you know. Try not to let them get you down. I know easier said than done. Hugs love! :sparkling_heart:


That is a shitty person and not your friend. I’m sorry that happened. They don’t deserve your time.
Don’t take any excuses from them. Don’t talk to them anymore.
You may have to deal with some alone time during early sobriety, and that’s ok.
Try to fill your time with positive things and positive people. I know its hard, because I am doing it too. Hang in there. :hugs:

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