I’ve reset almost everyday since I’ve downloaded a couple of these apps a little while ago. I’m finally in a stable/healthy relationship, stable financially and living in a home I really like, but for some reason I want a buzz everyday. I used to be in a place where I was so unhappy, in trouble with the law, poor, and manifesting where I am now AND I WASN’T BINGE DRINKING! Now life has improved ten fold, and I’m blacking out every night? Wtf self. Way to cheers your new start… My boyfriend doesn’t drink or do drugs which is great, I don’t need to keep dating people like me, but damn sometimes I wish he did so I didn’t feel like I was dating a saint all the time lmao. I just feel bad for getting drunk and treating him like shit, and forgetting playtime with my daughter… they just don’t deserve that, and neither do I, but it’s hard not to chase after the first drink feeling. I keep trying the moderation things and failing, but the thought of being completely sober terrifies and bores me.
Hey welcome. This 
is where I found my answer. I chased alcohol not because I wanted a few moderate drinks, I will always want all the drinks. 1 may do the trick one night but it always leads to 10, which leads to shame and embarrassment and regret.
Now if you take alcohol out of the equation I no longer have to worry about my inability to moderate. 1 drink leads to 10 which leads to bad life choices, period. Now I don’t have that one drink.
It is a bit boring some days. I’m grateful for my wild days but have no desire to return there. I am a better person for having gone through that but I will definitely keep going past those party days. My goals are new now and simple AND I am achieving them with a saner happier head.
What are your goals here?
It is actually the addicted life that is boring compared to freedom from addiction and long term sobriety, if you’re willing to do exciting things. But the brain chemistry will lie to you and tell you it’s boring. Without the chaos and without the substances it feels like something is missing. I am feeling it too right now. But I don’t want to rely on a drug to feel excitement, awe and thrill! There is so much worth being sober. What are you scared of exactly? What do you think will be bad if you don’t use for a few years? Do you think drugs/alc is part of your personality? Maybe you realize there are many lies your addict brain tells you. I need to move, walk a lot, exercise, be creative and try new things and even then my addict brain tells me drugs are missing but I know when that craving voice is gone I’m gonna be fulfilled and free to go on any adventure I choose to.
Totally understand and get you … especially the terrified & bored part …. I’ve reset my sober tool many times but have not given up * I’m on day 5 …. But know that the urges will be tempting me soon … and I know that I cannot control the 1 drink illusion… it’s a fear we, you, and I need to continually face & conquer because like I’ve read from many of the post here * being true to oneself & being sober is absolutely worth it… especially to our kids … my grandkids… sending & wishing you heartfelt strength & blessings towards your journey
I am more or less scared of my anxiety. I don’t want to be dependent on medication or alcohol, but it gets so intense sometimes one drink will take it away for a minute… until I drink 10 and pass out and wake up in a full blown panic attack. I do miss being sober, that’s why I’m on here. I definitely felt better. Not having a crutch scares me too.
Thank you so much for everything you said, I really appreciate it. Same to you!
Oh my that first drink feeling 
I thought my life would be boring too. But now I’m actually enjoying it because I’m not intoxicated I’m finding joy in things I just wasn’t acknowledging or paying attention to.This community is FREAKING FANTASTIC 
The support is amazing and is becoming apart of my new sober life and is enjoyable in so many ways 
Welcome and keep coming back You’ll find it’s worth with consistency
But you are. We all are.
You are dependent on other people for learning how to live healthy (you don’t know how, so you need to learn and you need to change your behaviours, which is not easy so you need someone to learn from).
You don’t get to not be dependent. Sorry but being human means being dependent. As long as you fight that, you will be stuck.
You can choose what you want to be dependent on. It is possible to choose to be dependent on learning from sober folks (in recovery groups or here on TS). It is also possible and helpful to speak with doctors about your mental health and get some help there.
You can choose to stay the same, passing out and living in shame, or you can change. If you change, you are choosing to be dependent on new things.
What is your choice?
Was yesterday a successful Day 1?
What’s worse, anxiety or a full blown panic attack?
Can you get out and go for a walk, play with your daughter, or find something to do to lessen the anxiety?
For me, quitting drinking not only eliminated the panic attacks, it greatly lessened the anxiety.
Goood luck!
Meditation helped me a lot with anxiety. Every meditation has a calming effect on me now, I have to do it daily though or else it didn’t really work much.
Also exercise, long walks, and self-help meedings for addicts helped me with anxiety
I used to think I had an anxiety problem too. Turns out I am just a crafty alcoholic who liked to invent reasons for that first drink that became 10. Alcohol sucks as a treatment for real anxiety. Makes it 1000 times worse. So if the anxiety is legit, time for a better remedy.
This wins comment of the day for me. So very true. Well said. 
Congratulations on your new start. I’ve tried to quit so many times and keep going back. But Ian on day one again and I do really what to be sober forever. I hope this is the last time being day one. I hope you can find your way to happy and healthy relationship with drinking.