I’m almost at one month sober. In the pink cloud phase, this isn’t my first rodeo, far from it. I’ve detoxed more times than I can count. I’ve done 2 35+ stays now in rehab. Here I am again, except this time I tried to detox at home just to end up seizing on the third day and hospitalized for 2 days…. Anyways I’m great now and home. If you’ve done this before you know what I mean- that cloud nine feeling- I got this, I’ll never drink again, why did I even like it, being sober feels great… until your alcoholic self comes back with a vengeance and just creeps in and your sad, angry, restless, craving that buzz that you chased and chased just to have it completely destroy you to the point you aren’t enjoying any part of it you are just maintaining and trying to not die. That snowball effect that happens to me no matter how hard I try. It is 100 percent unavoidable, at least for me, it will happen and I will be at the mercy of alcohol at some point. Maybe not in a few days or weeks or months but it will happen and it’s always worse than the last until I realized one day it will just be the end. Alcohol will be the death of me. It’s a hard truth that I have to accept. I’ll never be the one drink girl. I’ll never be able to say no or take some time off, or just the weekends. Nope. I go hard and fast and it’s a miracle I’m still here. The hold it has on me is insanely overwhelming. And scary. It’s the longest and most toxic relationship I’ve ever had. But it’s over. I have to break this vicious cycle bc I want nothing more than to be there for my beautiful family. And actually be there. Not the alcoholic me. The real me that I’ve realized is slowly coming back. Every day is a battle but a battle I’m willing and ready to face. So no I will not drink with you today. Just today. And I’m stronger everyday for it. We all can do this. We are way stronger than we think we are and I’m ready to breathe again. Thanks for reading. Stay strong!
Have you ever heard it said that quitting alcohol is rarely a linear journey @Thistooshallpass0503
Sometimes it takes more than one go at it and you have continued to work towards being sober. Never quit quitting. You are going to get there. One day at a time…absolutely! And really that is all we ever have, no one is promised tomorrow.
I will not drink with you today. 
Thanks for sharing. Story is similar.
I KNOW I don’t have another recovery in me. If I start drinking again, I’ll die of alcohol poisoning. So I will stay sober today with you.
I had the pink cloud phase the first time I tried to get sober. It caused me to think that staying sober was easy and that I really didn’t need to do much work. Boy was I wrong. After I eventually relapsed and got back to sobriety taking it much more seriously I had no pink cloud at all. I wanted to drink almost every single day, sometimes to the point of literally crying. I haven’t looked back since though and it eventually got easier and being sober started to become normal for me. Even though relapse isn’t a requirement of recovery, I think some of us just need that extra wake up call. I know I did. If you stick to a program that works for you then you’ll be alright. Takes a daily effort though. You got this
Maybe try a meeting meet like minded people who will understand and help wish you well
This is something that you dont have to accept. Honestly… you dont. I understand tho why this thought is there. I can relate. I truly felt like I was going to die an addict. I couldnt for the life of me, get clean and sober… until I finally did. With the right support (meetings and this forum), with daily recovery work, with reading recovery literature, with exercise and healthy habits, I got clean and have been clean for over 4.5 years. You too can achieve sobriety friend. Dont give up!!
Something that greatly helped me with that addict/alcoholic voice that creeps in after some time in recovery is writing down my reasons for quitting as well as the consequences of drinking. It was sort of a physical reminder of what it was like. My mind is very good at forgetting and so reading this list helped alot.
Glad ur here 
Hope to see u posting more!