It’s 52 days free from active addiction, I worked my step 2 with my sponsor today and have been doing well in my recovery. Then today with the guidance of my sponsor I left a voicemail to my ex’s mom the grandmother of my son who is currently legal guardian that I wanted to drop off or mail a present for his birthday on January 10th. I leave for work out of town for the week and it looks like I will be doing this for another month. She never responded so I sent a text pretty much asking the same thing. She finally responded saying that he doesn’t need any presents and thank you for my good intentions. And then she responded you can mail something or Amazon a gift. Mind you I understand she has every right to hate me and doesn’t know that I’m changing my life right now the way I am. So I can respect that fact, but I hate when someone’s bullshiting me and playing games. It’s obvious she’s saying things just in case I take her to court in the future to cover her ass. From day one she’s never wanted me in the picture. I learned about my son two months after he was born never knew my ex was pregnant I got off the streets and she remained there. She came to my mom’s house telling her she’s a grandmother and ever since then has been dangling my son in front of her making it inconvenient for her to ever visit, drop off gifts, etc. In the end I told her thank you for the opportunity to let me leave a gift for him. What she doesn’t know is that I have intentions on becoming part of his life. Almost every response she gives me is ended with he needs nothing from me or my family and that he will be taken care of basically trying to cut us out of the picture. I handled the situation perfectly fine everything was civil. My mom is going to drop off the gift she only lives 30 minutes away along with her gift. When I asked if it was okay if my mom could drop it off she said that she thinks it’s better if it’s mailed so that my mom doesn’t have to go through any pain (stupid ASF). Well my mom’s not having it and she’s going to drop off the present regardless she doesn’t know that yet but my mom’s just going to drop it off as she has in the past and leave without speaking to her. Even though everything has been taken care of the way it should have had I’m having these old feelings of anger, and sadness. It seems like it didn’t go all that bad but I know she’s going to do everything she can to keep me and my family out of the picture and I can’t stop thinking about that. I don’t want to pick up and use I want to stay clean I have no desire to be loaded I’m just really upset and sad I can’t help it. I’ve been reading some literature and I kind of read what I needed to read coincidentally but I still have these feelings and I’ve already cried a little bit but I know I can’t just dwell and sit in my pity party. I guess I’m just kind of looking for some more helpful advice on maybe how else to deal with this situation going forward I do plan on writing a letter and sending it to her about how I do want to start becoming part of his life. Anyways thank you all for reading and being here for me have a good night or day.
I have no advice really sorry. Just saying that it’s logical you’re thinking of using (I know you’re not going to) as it has been our way out of anything hard forever. Proud of you for thinking things through, recognising your feelings, and sharing here instead. Keep going on this road friend. Through the good and the bad. One day at a time. hugs.
Sometimes people have long memories and arnt the forgiving type sometimes it takes a while for them to forgive , my late sponsor used to say give time time prove to them that your on the recovery path, maybe put aside the present till it time to pass it on wish you well
Oh man, you’ve been dealt a very tough situation. I’m really glad you have your mother as I’m sure it is very difficult for her as well. The way you are handling it is amazing. Sobriety allows us to manage difficult situations like these with grace and dignity, like you’ve done in this situation, but damn it is still hard.
Is someone helping you and mom on the legal side of things do you can at least get visitation rights down the road?
I’m really in awe of your strength. Keep doing the next right thing. Glad you checked in!
Just want to second what has been said, you’re doing the right thing by sharing how you’re feeling here and with others who care so that it doesn’t fester inside, keeping yourself focused on your recovery and proving by your actions that you’re creating a life that will be one you can share with a child. She may never come around to liking you but that doesn’t matter one bit - at some point, a lawyer can help you go through the proper procedures to gain rights as a parent slowly but surely. Keep the hope alive and keep doing your work - you’ll get there! Sending hugs.
Hey Anthony, I just wanna express my support and admiration for what you’re doing. You’re awesome for making the changes and wanting to be in your boy’s life. He deserves to have a Dad.
I also want to say that your feelings of anger and sadness are very appropriate. I would feel those in your place, for sure. So this might be one for Dealing with Life on Life’s Terms as they say in the program. It sucks. But sadly sucking things and feelings are part of life. It’s hard. You can come here and connect and maybe lighten the load a little any time. That’s all we can do. Bear what is.
You’re a strong and a good person. Continue on your path my friend.
Just wanted to add my support and glad you shared here. You have so many thoughtful replies here. That sounds like a frustrating and sad situation for sure. I am glad you aren’t feeling to use to escape your normal feelings or situation, that is growth. 
Sometimes we need more time to pass to let others heal and ourselves heal. Idk if that is the case here. I do know I have pushed things forward before because they made me feel anxious and I wanted that feeling to go away. In hindsight, I have learned that those feelings aren’t bad, they just are, and it is okay to feel that way AND not have a resolution right now. Which I think is my long winded way of saying it is okay to feel how you feel and to let things sit for awhile if that feels right to you. Again, just my opinion.
Wishing you well and some clarity and peace.
Thank you for the support Menno 
Thank you Ray yes you’re sponsor was right I’m going to do my best to leave the present aside, take the next indicated step in a positive manner, and prove I’m living a positive life. I’ll let my actions speak for themselves. I appreciate the feedback. Have a blessed day 
Thanks Lee yes this is not an easy situation to deal with in a civil manner because my natural instincts are to go on defense mode and give my piece of mind (not good). I’m really trying to put the principles of recovery in my program to work in this to the best of my ability I’m grateful for that. No nothing legal has been done yet. I hope it doesn’t come to that but of course it’s possible. I’m going to start saving for a lawyer just in case as soon as I get everything settled with my car situation I’ll be taking care of as soon as I come back to town from work permanently. My sponsor did say he would ask around if anyone knew any paralegals with any knowledge of this stuff to maybe help me understand more how all this works.
Thank you Rosa is appreciate the support. Yes absolutely I’m going to let my actions speak for themselves. Also I’m working on not having any expectations of the outcome. I have to remind myself this is a process. I just need to stay strong in recovery and hopefully everything else will fall in place. Right now I just want to send a gift, small gestures, and then write a letter of what I’m doing today in my life and see if theres any way I can start taking steps to see him from time to time he’s 2 years old tomorrow.
Thank you @Faugxh for the support. Yes I’m trying not to dwell and remind myself that this is going to be a process. Whooooo man feelings are a S.O.B though seriously. I’m really just reading literature, and staying connected, and praying slot. That’s all I can do and stay clean and have faith things will work out the way they are supposed to.
Oh man you made me cry hahahah damnit. Thats awesome Laura man you sound like a strong woman I admire you’re strength. I’m am going to do that I will start writing a letter everyday that’s an excellent idea. It would be a great release for me as well I’m sure. One things for sure I have no desire to drink or use at the moment and I’m grateful for that. I know if I do I will lose all that I’m working for from the inside out. I’m so blessed to be able to check my reactions before I act upon them most days. In this situation I’m definitely being very careful I don’t want to hurt any chances of being in my son’s life and creating a healthy environment for him in the future. Thank you for the advice
Congratulations on your 52 days! My only advice is to focus on your sobriety right now. Anything else can turn your focus is another direction that can easily turn back into “familiar behavior” you still need time to work on YOU. It takes longer than 52 days. You are definitely in the right direction ! Don’t get discouraged you are doing great!
Thank you yes I’m trying to not get to caught up in the legality part yet. Just really trying to send this gift to him for his birthday mainly. Baby steps for sure is in mind. Thank you for the encouragement