Growing Pains

Im just here trying to make it. Im almost 30 days sober and past month has been rough. I moved back home temporarily to get my health, etc together and financially get myself together. I find myself focusing on short term goals to keep myself busy and something to work towards. Since no drinking my blood tests have been good and regulated, liver enzymes back in normal range, blood pressure in normal range( its always been chronically high). I haven’t been able to work a normal job because my Health deteriorated so bad so i did rideshare and doordash as passive income to stay afloat on my bills. I was doing so well, caught up on my Health insurance, etc and then out of nowhere i was in a car accident and my car was totalled out. I was first side-swiped by a hit & run driver and my dashcam footage was corrupted. No more rideshare, could only doordash. Tried to see the positive in that( limited my income but still SOMETHING) and then 2 days ago, car totalled out by a truck from Alaska. They were determined to be at fault by police but now im out of a vehicle until their insurance covers me. So now im sitting here with no income stuck in a household that’s terrible for my sobriety with nowhee to turn. Im just feeling down because i was Doing my best to turn things around and every time i move forward a few steps im knocked down back flat.
The urge to drink has been soooo strong lately because im highly stressed out and my anxiety is through the roof but so far im hanging on but barely…

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That is a rough streak to go through, and certainly challenging for anyone let alone someone in early sobriety. I’m so glad you posted here. And I really grateful you weren’t hurt in either accident. Do you participate in a recovery program, do online meetings? That would be a great source of support as well. There are thousands of other out there needing support. You are not alone.

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Yes its been alot at one time. Last night was the first time i just broke down and cried because I’ve been feeling so numb to everything. I attended a meeting yesterday. Didn’t say much, just listened since it was a Big Book meeting.

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That is awesome, Honey. Keep checking in. I’ve been here for years, on TS. You will always be supported here.