I’ve thought about this a lot recently and would be interested to hear people’s thoughts and experiences.
My boys are only 2 and 4 y/o but I’ve thought a lot about how best to guide / educate them on addictive substances & behaviours as they mature and start walking their own paths. I’m a firm believer in modelling the behaviours I want to see in others. However, the boys will never see me drink, and therefore will not see me drink ‘responsibly’ either. I’d like to think that would be great for them. But I worry that, as young people naturally need to test boundaries / find their own way, they may look at my abstinence as ‘uncool’ and do the complete opposite! My family have all been big drinkers and I’m desperate to break to cycle.
Maybe I’m worrying unduly here and as I say, I have a bit of time before this comes to the fore. But I’d welcome people’s experiences with their children as they have matured X
Difficult subject, at least for me it is. My kids were older when I stopped drinking so they know activly about my drinking problems. The haven’t seen me drunk often but they have seen it.
My husband still is a moderate drinker so they had an example of a “normal” drinker. But I notice I’m much more aware then others about the poisson alcohol can be. So I warn them by giving myself as an example. I’m open about it about my addiction to my inner circle. So I had preventive conversations when they where young and were not allowed to drink any alcohol before 18 years old. But despide our good intentions my youngest son came home drunk at 16 years old because the father of a friend gave him alcohol at his place without me knowing. And my oldest drank that much when Covid was gone so he could get out with friends again so he ended up in hospital because of passing out 
So I can’t give you a good advice beside try and do your best to warn them but do not scare them too much at the same time?
I think about it a lot. I have 3 boys (5 and 2x3yo) and I must say I worry about thwir future. We, parents, are both addicts. Im just trying to give them good example. Kids are not good listeners, but they are good observers. Im also big enemy of energy drinks and here in Netherlands (perhaps everywhere) young teens are drinking shitloads of them. I hope they will be illegal for such a young ppl in few years. Naive thinking, I know 
It’s difficult subject, that’s for sure. Just wanted to say I feel you mommas and looking forward to some tips.
This is a tough one for me too. I quit drinking right after my son turned 16. He grew up with it being “normal” like I did.
I am very open about my recovery with him. He saw me at my worst and I had to make amends with him. I had to own that what I did was not ok. And I had to show him there IS a way to live a new life.
He has the same addictive personality both of his parents have, it runs strongly in his genes. And I have to be mindful of not trying to control him what to do or how to live his life. When he lived with me, I had rules and boundaries, but he’ll be 22 in 2 weeks and when I sold my house in August he moved in with his dad. He has a good head on his shoulders, but he definitely overdoes it with weed. He gets sick from drinking like I did, but I remind him where I landed even with that physical allergy. We still talk about things and I always remind him I’m here. I think that’s the best thing we can do. Be open, honest and share our experience but also to live by example so they know a new way of life is possible and the door is always open for them to walk through it with us. 
As a child, me and my two siblings were always around my mum and step dad drinking. My sister and I were allowed and endorsed drinking very early with them, from like 13/14 yo I was drinking already.
The neighbour came around the one weekend to stop our drunk target practice with an air rifle in the garden as a pellet had hit her fence. It was pretty bad and dysfunctional the whole family drinking as one messed up group. My brother was crying, scared, and alcohol terrified him as all he saw were these crazy people being really irresponsible and awful. My brother didn’t drink alcohol until he was about 21 and NEVER EVER AROUND US, only around his own social group.
I don’t blame him, he was smart, but his anxiety around it must have been at critical levels.
From my side, I think it’s normal to not drink really these days ….so why not leave it at tea, coffee, soft drinks and water. No comments about alcohol unless prompted. All the younger generation I know and have trained in my work environment have mostly been tee total and super aware. They are environmentally aware and culturally sensitive young adults.
Times are changing I think…
It’s natural to worry about this. When our oldest daughter started her adult life she thought it was “normal” to drink 20 beers a day, after all she saw me doing it for years. My youngest (8) has never seen me drink a beer (I’m only 4 years sober but I was sneaking my drinking before that).
My oldest doesn’t really drink at all, my youngest could end up just like I was. All I can do is help if they need it and have conversations about my experiences from time to time.
Times are changing though! I don’t think today’s young adults are drinking like we use to.
@SoberWalker @Mischa84 @MandiH @Tragicfarinelli @Dan531
Thank you all for reaching out and for sharing your experiences. I really appreciate it
I’m open with the boys about everything (in an age appropriate way) so I think I’ll try and try and tackle this in the same way.
And just be there to support them as much as I can.
I think having positive role models outside of the immediate family might help too.
And I agree, times are changing. Alcohol seems to be a much less significant part of young people’s lives. I’m thankful for that 
X
I have 4 kids, the oldest is 23 the youngest is 4; I’ve been sober for 5 years.
My oldest has seen me at my worst for most of her life. It’s not fair for a 13 year old to carry (drag) her Dad to bed because he’s too drunk to walk. I feel terrible and someday, god willing, she’ll forgive me.
My youngest has never seen me drink, god willing, never will.
My oldest 2 are over 21, neither of them drink. Most of their friends don’t drink either. They don’t see the point of it. They’ve tried it and decided emphatically that it’s not for them. I don’t know how much of their childhood with me as their father influenced their decision, but it seems these GenZers aren’t buying in to the drinking culture. Good for them, it makes me happy.
Now, my youngest, she’ll never know “Drunk Dad” like her other siblings did, and perhaps that could shape her vision of the drinking culture (for better or worse). My thoughts are this, I’ll cross that bridge when I get there, and, please lord, let the drinking culture die with GenX!
Thanks for your response Dan.
Yeah what you’re saying with your youngest encapsulates where I’m at. The boys have never seen me under the influence, so won’t experience the unsavoury side of me drinking. I don’t know if they will find that aspirational or they will roll their eyes 
Like you I hope (and believe) the attitude towards drink will change dramatically over the next decade. The change is coming
For now, whilst the boys never saw me drunk, they didn’t have the best of me. I’m grateful that they will never again have a hungover, anxious mum that rushes bedtime to pour that ‘deserved’ glass (bottle) of wine at the end of the day. I am present and they have the best version of me X
When i was a kid my dad was a really heavy smoker. I hated the smell so bad that i never in my whole life had one cigarette. So the bad example my dad was, was good for me in this aspect, whereas my sister smoked a lot. I take from it, that everybody is different, even if they are raised identically. I have two boys. They dont remember me drinking, whereas my wife drinks very moderately. I have asked myself often what that means for them. I dont know, but hopefully will be there to give advise if needed
Thank you for the response, that’s really interesting. And yes you’re right, everyone is different. The boys will walk their own paths. We can be there to guide / advise / support them as best we can X
Hey Raven. Thank you for your response and sharing your experiences growing up.
I hear you on the drinking to overcome introvertedness. Speaking from my own experience, keep pushing through with your sobriety as I think you’ll discover that alcohol was an illusion - it never really made you more outgoing / confident. You have that within you, it takes a bit of practice to draw it out.
Lots of love X
I’m a firm believer that knowledge is power. Done so in an easy to understand level relevant to their age and allowing questions while answering without judgement works the best for my kids and i and our family.
They don’t need to know the specific details about everything. I just tell them the way it has effected me and everyone around me. Then teach them the scientific and genetic part of it while sharing the risks.
Above this I do my best to make sure they also know that they have the choice to live the life they want to lead. I can’t force them into anything, I can only share my experience and hope that it is enough to aid them in making the proper decision, while being prepared to remain compassionate, loving, nurturing, aceepting, and not label or stigmatize anything they say or do.
I use what I call a hula-hoop exercise to focus on what is in my control (everything inside the hula-hoop) and what is beyond my control (everything outside the hula-hoop)
Thank you @anon68572606. Really appreciate your response and insights.
Completely on board with your approach to imparting information to children in an open and age appropriate way. That’s my approach for everything so I suppose this should be no different.
I like your hula hoop strategy; I must remember (and accept) that some things are out of my control X