For the past year I have had an addiction to coke. I use to take it everyday to help with life and the stress. In January this year I started to cut it but couldn’t. I managed to do 1 week then fail. Once my minds set on it I’m having it even by time it gets dropped off I changed my mind 60 times but deep down I really want it. Then the day after. The guilt the shame. I’ve let
Myself down sooooooo badly. I’m tired. I told my family a they supported a little but went about there days so I thought pointless. The thoughts are CONSTANT thoughts about it is doing my head in I can’t cope. I’m too scared to speak to anyone. I’m scared to go to gp. It’s like I go all week without it then my destruction self comes in.
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@Queeny i can totally relate! What started off being just a weekend thing went to almost everyday thing without drinking. After weeks of not drinking I caved in this weekend and drank/drugs for two days
I’ve been feeling so down about it like why can’t I have more self control and not feel so peer pressured as well to do it. Good luck on fighting the urge as well stay strong.
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You’re so correct and thank you for your message it means a lot! Sometimes I don’t like to talk bout it as it makes me want to do it even more a then when my minds made up there’s no going back like someone has hold of me. I just don’t no at this point. I’m so low and down. I do have bpd aswell as anxiety but this drug and thoughts won’t stop I don’t feel like I’m strong enough
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Exactly! Even no drinking and having it in the day time to! Thank you for your message. I’m sorry your going through this battle to. many people have overcome it so we can do it to 
xxx
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Welcome @Queeny! 
I turned into a daily coke user years ago. My husband did too so it was very difficult to quit because it only took one of us to suggest it and we were off to the races. The amount of money we wasted is astronomical. We finally had enough just before losing everything. Now 4 years clean and the app says I saved $88K so far. I entered a conservative $60 a day for myself. Figure that’s double for the 2 of us.
You’ve been at this for a year, please do whatever you can to stop now. My active use carried on for 10 years and the damage it caused to my nose is irreversible. And the damage it caused to my life in general was even worse. I still went to work everyday and barely kept up with bills. Almost lost my home at 5 years in and that didn’t stop me. It’s insane how I let a drug run my life on a daily basis. Every single day I’d start out saying “no, not today” and by the time I got home from work, all bets were off.
I’m finding I have to put the same amount of effort into my recovery as I did into drugging and drinking. Every single day I do something for my recovery whether it’s going to a meeting, coming on here or reading sobriety material. Some days it’s all of them.
Wishing you the best on your journey!
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Wow that’s amazing well done. I’m so happy that u came through it all. You definitely had it harder. it is hard but I just feel like giving up I’m so down and depressed I’m tired of life! U mentioned about the damage done to ur nose. That’s something I’ve been having troubles with and I just can’t bring myself to go get it checked. For months constant discharge bogies. I no right at the back inside my nose there’s a hole through my septum but down my septum towards the front it’s thin but no holes. Also I no I have a collapsed nasal valve and the bony bit at the front is slanted to one side ?? I’m freaking out about it everyday
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I can relate and that’s what kept me using. Coke gave me that lift I needed both mentally and physically. But the come down magnified my depression. I was caught in a perpetual cycle of up and down. Some come downs put me in a suicidal state. I knew if I could stop using it would improve my mental state but the drug had such a hold on me.
The nose damage only got worse but that didn’t stop me either. Now, I’m still afraid to go to a doctor about it. When I get sinus infections, my face swells up pretty bad and I treat myself at home. I know any doctor would look inside my nose and know immediately what I had done for years. It’s shameful.
Please, please do whatever you can to get away from this shit now. When you get urges, come on here and create a new topic. People on here are from all over the world so someone is always around to help. Feel free to send me a PM anytime.
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Thank u. It really means a lot. And well done for beating it and overcoming it. I am going to try harder
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Sending you 
I know it is hard! It seems impossible. But you can do it! If I can do it, then anyone can.
I used for 5 years daily, going through $100-$300 a day. Racked up thousands in credit card debt, was suicidal, and an all around mess.
When I first decided to get clean, I couldn’t think in days. I had to do hours, minutes, and sometimes seconds. I came here, talked with people, watched my timer like a hawk, left all of my money at work in the safe, so I couldn’t buy any, and spent as much time with my kids as I could. Also, I slept so much!
If you need to talk or are feeling weak, come here and just write “I need help” in the checking in daily thread. Someone is always online.
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Congratulations on coming here and facing the demon head on. Good news, bad news, the good news is that cocaine is not high on the list for physical addictions. Meaning you’re not gonna go through any life-threatening withdrawals when you quit. But it is incredibly psychologically addicting. It’s going to be hard at first but I think you’re going to have to avoid the people you used to get it from and that crowd. That’s how it was for me anyway. And once you start getting time under your belt, which starts with hours, days, then weeks and months. I think you’ll look back and wonder what you ever saw in the drug. You will be able to spot someone doing it on mile away and you’ll actually feel sorry for them.
The nose damage is serious and that’s when a lot of people start cooking it. If you’ve avoided that rabbit hole, consider yourself blessed. Create your own rock bottom right now, and everything will get better, I promise! Best wishes!
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Oh, one more thing, please please please nobody feel bad about going to the doctor. First of all, when they take a look in your ears and nose, they can tell. They are used to hearing everything. They appreciate honesty and can steer you in the right direction. Unless you think it’s gonna affect your job or your insurance plan or something just tell them the whole truth. They can point you in the right direction, and when you leave that office in about a half hour they’re going to deal with something similar. My doctor was the very first person to tell me that my drinking Hass to stop. And I would even ask him if I’m the only one. He looked at me and said third one today. I actually think it’s part of recovery because you’re not only being honest with the doctor, but essentially being honest with yourself.
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Thank you so much
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Now is the time to make the changes…
Loadssss of CA meetings in 
Not sure which country you’re from
Also do you drink alcohol?
Do you use Cocaine without having a drink first?
Alcohol is a gateway to drug use a lot of the time so maybe that needs to stop too…. Just a thought
Well done for being honest and reaching out
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Welcome to the forum Prinny! I absolutely get it for sure… ur not alone. My DOC for years was crack cocaine and that addiction began bcuz of my addoction to coke. It juat spiraled out of controlled. The amount of money spent and the physical and emotional destruction that it caused was astronimcal. I am glad that ur here and trying to get help. In the beginning it was incredibly tough (as u know). Its much easier now to put aside those thoughts of using so keep at it, one min, one hour, one day at a time. Distractions helped, deep breathing helped, exercise and self care were crucial. I put my money away so that I didnt have access to it easily, especially on paydays. And most importantly, i came on here BEFORE i used. As soon as a craving popped up id be on here so that others could help me thru it. U dont have to suffer alone with those cravings and urges. Wishing u all the best and hoping ur doing alright today 
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@Queeny so glad you’re here reaching out, getting support, hearing other people’s success stories! If they can do it, you can do it. There’s lots of help here for you !
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I hear you and feel you, my addiction ruined my life i was so down and depressed i was taking drugs everyday to cope with life, i hated myself i hated people i lived on my own in a shitty little flat wishing everyday i could stop, begging myself over and over again to stop. Seeing what it was doing to me was killing me even more and not having that strengh to say enough is enough I would then stop for 7 days or so and just be on my way down the street and next minute i would get a bag, i hated it i hated everything about it.
I used to tell myself its one bag of anxiety and 3 bags of depression it took over my life i wanted to kill myself i attempted several times to over dose myself. Iv managed to reduce my usage by around 90%. If you think you have a hole you may be able to get it foxed before it gets bigger. I ended up with a deviated septum and i had to have surgery to straighten my nose in june. And i still find myself getting the shit and using but not putting it up my nose i put a tiny bit on my gums which it probably worse. GP will refer you to a specialist ENT and they may help you.
Iv gone 21 days now without any and stuck my head deep into the gym instead of a bag and i hope this is the start of something for me not living in my past but moving forward.
Also try a CA meeting of NA they can really help and support people theres alot of nice people at them who want to see you get better
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Wow u have done amazing. Keep going. There’s no hole but definitely one nostril smaller and can see inside that my septum is tilted one side which is now hurting my front TEETH! ?? X
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Speak your GP ask them to refer you to a speciallist asap to get it looked at they should be able to straighten it and releive the pressure on your teeth. Im not a specialist so butbit really does sound like it needs looking at asap i hope youbget sorted update me if you do go please try 
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I’m thinking to but the past 2 days I’ve pushed it the other side with my fingers to strengthen it. Yes I no!! lol crazy. Next morning had the pressure of it going back to one side again so pushed it again. (Not normal) woken up seems to have stayed for now. I’m frightened to death