Amazing, that feeling doesn’t get old.
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Those first Sobers are the best… Just wait till Christmas!
Happy birthday to you!
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Day 105. Going to have a lazy day. Go for a walk to the shops, do some gardening, wqsh the cars for once in their lifetime and chill
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Great job Wolf 
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1581
I see lots of craves and urges and thoughts about using around. Maybe it’s the moon or the stars, for I had some too last night. I don’t get those often these days. Last night I felt miserable. Group therapy left me feeling lonely and isolated, while it is supposed to help me feel more connection, to others and to myself.
The search I conducted for my own past and that of my parents and sis in the last weeks left me feeling empty and tired. Alone. Physically I didn’t feel too swell either. So in bed, when I couldn’t sleep and all these thoughts and feelings kept racing through my mind and body, I felt the urge to use and be gone from this world.
Recovery is building ourselves a life we don’t feel the need to run from. It’s daily work. And some days are better than others. I had a bad day yesterday, and maybe a string of not so good days before that. Sometimes it’s hard to keep going. Sometimes I want to escape into nothingness. That’s what I crave when an urge to use hits. A longing to not be here.
So what I need to do is keep working and keep building that life I find worth living. One day at a time. To keep looking for connection. Recognising what I need on any particular day. Deciding to rest and do nothing on a particular day is working on my recovery too. I’m going to have as good a day as I can friends. Sober and clean. Hope you do too. Love.
@Butterflymoonwoman Keep going Dana. Nothing is worth using over. Life is still life and life sucks at times. But there’s absolutely nothing using would make better. Congrats on 600 
Pic is Oostkapelle Beach, Zeeland, 2019. Good memories. We’re in this together.
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Thank you for this post. I’ve read your words for many years now and they always have a way of bringing hope. I know they’ve helped me. Appreciate your honesty, transparency, vulnerability, strength and compassion. Now put that miserable day behind you and make today a much better day! Much love!
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Big hugs and deep thoughts for you when you are feeling the hurt, emptiness and aloneness you felt last night. The bad days, urges, and I cannot even imagine
you gone.
I know when you quit drinking you had felt that so much prior. Oh, if it was all so easy… but, alas, it is not.
Deepest admiration and respect for you for your honesty about your ‘recovery and discovery’, sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings, and how sometimes, oftentimes, it is a very hard time for you personally.
As much admiration and respect for you for to keep looking and to make it a better day… and to try for the best day that you can.
I hope today ends up being super, better, better, better, than yesterday, and that you will feel better and go to bed with a lighter heart and spirit.
Hugs for your hurts, hugs for your joys… hugs for the bad, and hugs for the good.
Be safe and be well. Heart, mind, body. Sobriety.
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Checking in for day 342.
Been to a gym class this morning to clear the head, and now in the house with a coffee watching the rain and flooding outside.
Have a great Saturday everyone.
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Hey all, checking in on day 1210. I hope everybody has a good one!
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@Butterflymoonwoman Congratulations on 600 days. That is so great. I am sorry to hear that the addict voice is being loud right now. For sure, I have periods when I don’t have a ‘spark or excitement’ for recovery. That zeal you feel when everything is improving rapidly is impossible to maintain. It is a bit like falling in love I think. You can’t be crazy in love forever. It has to change into a quieter kind of companionship. But that is when you start missing the craziness of first love. I can understand your fears, but I truly believe that because you had that experience 14 years ago, you won’t let it happen again. I don’t know what your previous clean time was like, but your growth this time that I have seen has been inspiring.
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Happy birthday! I love sober birthdays! May the next year be fulfilling and joyful!
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Day 1022,
Went to the soccer match of my son. My father and man of my brother also came. Now at my ex place were my son is taking a shower. She has stress because she might not be able to work anymore due to her heart problems. Laid my hand on her shoulders to sought her. Don’t know why, just the way I’m I geus. My stress levels are very high within myself. Going to my parents this afternoon for diner. My brother will join there as well, putting a lot of pressure on me. I’m tired of explaining how I’m doing. Appetite is still low, the emotions are blocking me. Just asked my ex how I look, she says good. I often ask people how I look due to my insecurity but of course they can’t look inside my head. Yesterday evening I did a self-acceptance meditation. It worked somehow since I feel a little bit more grounded. One step at a time. I’ll stop, otherwise I start rambling even more.
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@Binx @Just_Laura @JazzyS @CATMANCAM
Thank you guys. I feel a bit better but still. Have not eat food, only chocolate, drinking water and coffee. Anxiety is not new for me, but allways find new ways to fuck me up.
And just to top it all, yesterday day my husband friend which he is wisting 2 hours away from here, call me saying my husband is in hospital his lung collapsed. He is all good and safe now, in hospital.
And I feel like crap today, headaches, tired. But Im sober!
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Day 22!
Feeling good.
T.
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Sorry to hear you not feeling well @Mno. But I so appreciate your honesty. Reading your posts is always enlightening.
Hope you can have a relaxing day, take some time to relax and feel calmer. You’ve been through a lot recently.
Guess that takes its toll on you!
Huge cup of herbal tea and a long walk, usually works for me. Hope you find something which works for you.
Have a calm sober Saturday Menno
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Thanks for sharing this Mno!
You are not alone.
Your support here is so damn important.
Love 
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Checking in on day 87. Reading everyone’s posts here is so helpful. Thanks, all.
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Just a hug from the south
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Thank you Eric!
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Day 8 here. I had a fantastic day and night yesterday. I walked downtown for the second day in a row (about 20 blocks and back) and picked up some new books at the Barnes & Noble in Center City. Apparently it moved to a new location, and this was my first visit to the new store. I chatted with the older gentleman who worked there and he recommended some new horror authors to me, so I walked out of there with three books.
Last night I had a little horror marathon for myself. I finally broke open my Universal Monsters BluRay set and watched Bela Lugosi’s Dracula for the first time since I was a kid. Then I randomly picked out a couple of other movies off of Prime, and ended my night falling asleep in front of the TV. Woke up this morning feeling great and not hungover. If it doesn’t rain too badly today I’m going to take another city walk.
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