Found myself struggling tonight. Coming up to 7 months and I’ve had a great week. Smashed work and felt great, so this one snuck up on me. Found myself half making plans and laying out what I would do, reminiscing about the times I used. The ‘highlights’ of using which I know are false and fleeting seemed appealing. Maybe it was boredom I don’t know.
I’m typing this laid in bed and about to sleep. Haven’t used and have no plans to. The feelings made my night hard and it was a struggle. I know it gets easier I just wanted somewhere to air my struggle.
Half the reson i got addicted to alcohol in the first place was the excuse to act absolutely crazy
It was fun to dance
It was fun to yell
It was fun to chug as fast as i could
It was fun to fall and get hurt
It was fun to get beat up and thrown off porches
It was fun saying thretning things to people
It was very fun waking up completely sick not remembering anything
It was fun being told about all the things i dont remember while im totally hungover berly believing it
The best part were the cold rock hard cold stone beds with a thin blanket and no pillow id wake up in so id stay safe and had a eye kept on me
Yes i exaggerated they were not fun but all of them have infact happened to me for real.
For me, the “highlight” reel is much shorter than all the awful mornings, terrible anxiety surrounding not having enough, the shame of saying/doing things that do not reflect who I am as a person, and the wild willingness to repeat it all even though I knew it would end badly.
Sending good vibes your way, you’re not alone in this
I’m so proud of everyone who’s putting their head on the pillow sober tonight. Some days it’s a freaking battle, but tomorrow morning is going to feel really good.
Everything you say rings so true. I then remember the crippling anxiety using brings me. The actions I take and things I say that are dangerous and potentially harmful to those I love.
These feelings can be very sneaky with us, though it sucks and does/will pass the main thing is you’re hitting your bed sober great you’ve had a fantastic week and well done on 7 months. Hoping you’re feeling lighter this morning
Great that you are in bed and sober @Ulric
Yep, cravings can hit out of nowhere. Maybe from the pattern to “reward” yourself after an intense week?
I always keep half an eye on this pattern when I’m doing pretty good and achieve a lot.
For the next time, maybe have some instant goodie at hand: some juice you like, a fruit you like, your shower gel for special occacions, a nice smelling candle to burn, your favourite comic (i’m with Garfield in this), put on some uplifting music, throw away this stuff that has been waiting to be thrown away for ages. For me this little goodies still have their magic effect after doing so for years.
Sleep well
Congratulations on your 7 months, that’s really well done!
I remember things beeing difficult getting sober, I found it difficult to have a phone conversation, writing an email etc without my wine.
What took me by surprise was that if something really great happened, I would also miss my drink, maybe that’s what happened to u, how to celebrate without your crutch, is something you learn along the way I think.
This type of forward thinking and visualization of consequences is sometimes called “playing the tape forward” which is a great CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) tool for combating cravings/urges!
Glad it’s something you were able to use and hopefully it will help in the future, it certainly has helped me many times!
great you’ve had a fantastic week and well done on 7 months. Hoping you’re feeling lighter this morning 
