I am quite new, not ready to share my full story yet but I will at some point. All I can think about right now is that I am sure I embarrassed myself in a big way on Friday night, but I don’t actually know what I did and I can’t bring myself to ask. I just woke up knowing it.
This is not the first time I have ever woken up with beer blues, and certainly not the first black-out, there is just something very different about this time, it’s the first time I have ever obsessed about it. I am not just blue, I am petrified, constantly thinking about what I might have done, even though there is nothing to say I have actually done anything. It’s really scared me, I knew instantly that I needed to get sober. Now, I am overthinking everything, reliving the night (as best I can) but dreaming up the worst case scenarios in my head to fill in the blanks, real catastrophe thinking (not illegal stuff). In addition … I am slowly reliving every other stupid thing I am aware of ever doing whilst drunk (and even a few sober slipup’s), and that’s a lot of years of stuff to remember! - I’m on day 3 - So on the right path, but not sure I will be able to stay on it if I don’t find a way to get past this crippling shame that I feel.
Does anyone have any shame shedding tips they feel like sharing?
I certainly have had my fill of shameful nights and many mornings that I was too embarrassed to ask what I did. I don’t dwell on those nights, there is nothing I can do to change it. Apologies are in order but for me I want them to mean something so my goal is to apologize when I’ve reached my first 30 days sober. I know it’s hard no knowing exactly what embarrassing things were done but I know that is not the real me and as long as I stay sober, that person is dead.
Thank you for responding, and doing it so quickly and personally. I appreciate that.
I like your perspective, if you don’t mind I will share your plan. Do 30 days whilst trying not to dwell by telling myself once I get through this, and stay sober I can ‘really’ apologise, whatever it was I may have done, and not just tell people what I think they need to hear.
Oh that’s me too just a couple weeks ago. I woke up and I thought okay how did I get home what did I do and I had vomit on my shirt sleeve. That night I had to apologize to several people and everyone said it was okay but it wasn’t okay to me. You’re not alone at all.