So I’ve never learned how to actually set healthy boundaries, and I wanted to know what are some healthy boundaries you’ve set with your family, friends, significant other?
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Omg setting boundaries is something I’ve never done in my life until recently! There are many boundaries that can be set but the one I’ve been using lately is saying “no” to things I really don’t want to do rather than doing something and getting resentful afterwards. I’m sure I’ll be learning more as time goes on, great question!!! 
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When I was in treatment my main objective was learning how to set healthy boundaries! Because a lot of my issues why I used and drank where resentments I had.So
my main thing is keeping my recovery my top priority whether that’s my meetings or having some me time cause if I don’t take care of me nothing else falls in place but if I’m spiritually fit then I can handle other stuff without building resentments. Also learning not to put how I feel on the back burner saying no even if it upsets people that’s ok speak your truth no matter what! And keep on keeping on
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Saying “No” was a huge challenge for me. I’ve learned I do not have to respond immediately when asked to do something. I can now say “I’ll get back to you” and actually take the time to think about it. If it’s going to affect my recovery, my family or work then I’ll come back with a firm no and not feel bad. I’m no longer putting myself and my needs last.
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It sounds simple enough to do, but it truly is hard until you get used to it. It’s okay to say no for sure.
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This is huge!! I’ve been working on this lately too and I’ve found that it really has helped improve my relationships. It’s just another form of learning to be honest with ourselves.
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I flippin LOVE boundaries! One of the best things that I’ve discovered so far on my journey. Whilst I was drinking I would do what ever for anyone as I just wanted to keep the peace and “enjoy” my wine…a real life Mary Poppins! 
…My god, did my family and friends take the piss outta me!!! Learning to say NO was the best thing I ever did. I gotta say though… the new me didn’t go down well at first. Infact my in laws have gone right off me lol… fuck em! 
I saw people’s true colours when I stopped putting myself second. Quick example… my 78 year old (back then) mother in law has a bit of a trip and bump and her hand was swollen. I rang her and said, I’m sorry your not 100% at the mo, let me know if there is anything I can do for you. She, quick as anything said, there is something… I need my house painting outside! 
… I mean!! What the fuck?! But me just wanting to live a quiet life, went straight into Mary poppins mode and the next weekend painted her house!!! I’m a dick! NOT ANYMORE! the first time I said no to that woman you should of seen here face 
. Great thread 
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Oh god this could be me with the house painting! 🤦 Tell us a good no-story about your mother in law, @Blondie1x Sarah! 
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My mum in law is (out and about) the most lovely gentle little old lady you could wish to meet. She comes across so unassuming and gentle. But within my family she can be a selfish old lady. When I look back at all that I did for her and my sister in law it makes me mad! They just took all the time and I gave like an idiot. I was once at one of my sis in laws bbq’s (
horrible dirty house and garden, dog poo…INSIDE!) needless to say I don’t go to those any more lol. But, I was sat with my wine after a really hard week, minding my own business when my niece in law in her twenties came and sat next to me an whispered under her breath at me,” you’re a piss head you are, you’re nothing but a piss head”. I had just got back from nursing my very poorly mum that day and was in a hard place and yet here I am sat in her mums house because I felt I had to go. I have never forgotten that and I now use that as one of my motivations to move forward sober! Fuck em!
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Hi everyone, my first post here, am new to this platform…
So, setting boundaries… interesting, as its a major part of my recovery/therapy process! I believe my desire to better set boundaries stem from a growing feeling of self-love. I am more actively looking for MY needs, and not be too sensitive about others’ needs.
My fear of setting boundaries come from an underlying fear of abandonment, I think. Fear that a relationship (friend, family, love) might be hurt if I don’t give in to their needs. But the interesting thing is that the more I make little steps in guarding and expressing my boundaries, the more I am true to myself, better showing to others who I really am and mostly…the more inner-peace I experience. And funny enough so far NO-ONE has left me or got upset!
Its a beautiful path. Scary at times and it makes me insecure sometimes (DUHH, its new, out of my comfort zone, so ofcourse!), but I do believe it will bring me a lot of freedom in future to myself AND the people around me! (Because, my goodnes, it is SO exhausting to be always in someone else’s head, instead of my own!).
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Oh that’s terrible, sorry you had to go through that Sarah but what a good way to motivate, to not forget that this happened! (Btw just for clarification, I meant a “no-story” as in a story where you say no, as you posted upstairs you have gotten so much better at it! So, I’m sorry if that came across as if I was fishing for trauma, I really wanted to share in your success and get some boundary setting inspirations!)
I’ve recently gotten much better with letting strangers know I don’t care for their unsolicited input. There’s this old weed smoking guy who is tidying up a wee dog park I frequent and he’s been chewing the ears of literally everyone who comes there. You hear his voice incessantly ramble and babble at whoever poor soul is too polite to walk away. I have not seen this guy not talk at someone awkwardly half-turned towards him and looking at the ground, and I go there a lot! Well, I have made it clear to him I’m not interested in his verbal diarrhea and value my time. I go there to play with my Queenies. he also tried to lecture me on how to treat my dogs, again, very firmly said no thanks. He’s understood and is now passive-aggressively talking to other folks about me, which is awkward but I don’t really care, I guess I’m learning. 
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Sounds like you’re getting steadier on your feet with your boundaries lady. Some people just keep coming and just expect us to stand there and say nothing. He sounds like an idiot! I have made myself unavailable to my mum in law. I send the occasional food parcel up with my hub but it’s his mum so he can deal with her. Lol. I just don’t engage in anything with her. Before I felt that it was my duty to do the whole daughter in law thing but you know what, no! She checks in every now and then and I reply with just letting her know how we all are but other than that I’m not bothering and I don’t feel even remotely bad for it. We have to stand up for ourselves, what we want and don’t want and will and will not do is important. It’s still quite early days but I wish I discovered this boundaries thing sooner 
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