Hey there,
Day 18…. I don’t know how it’s possible but the cravings were not that bad for a couple days. Then all of a sudden since yesterday I’ve been having crazy cravings for a drink again. Is this normal to have ups and downs where you feel like you are doing good and then you feel back to square one with the intense anxiety and cravings?
Coming on here to just vent and not feel so alone.
I sit here as I’m typing this crying…. because of how difficult this has been and how so many memories flood my brain every second of the day of all the mistakes I’ve made in my life in which I wish I can take back so badly. Like the day I quit I lost a friendship of 8 years because of my drinking and she wasn’t a good influence as she had problems with drinking too but it still hurts.
A drink used to numb all these emotions now I have to sit here with them and I’ve never had to do that.
I’m mentally so exhausted. I know I’m doing this for my own good and I’m honestly scared to drink again because these withdrawals are no joke. Yet, at times I feel like just giving up and just drinking to ease the pain away.
As addicts we get so used to numbing pain and running away from it when we do have to face things it can get really overwhelming…weve wired our brain to reach for the drink everytime we feel something so its natural for us to want to keep going back to the same way of coping -hence the cravings. I think what you need to do is give yourself permission to not feel ok…its ok to not be ok…let the emotions come…accept that they are there and let yourself feel them, if you want to cry then cry it out…often really helps…i cried buckets at the beginning but thats ok …its part of your healing 
Day 18 is fantastic btw 
@Starlight14 said it all. Go ahead and let yourself just feel those feelings. Cry and scream…it helps! Like most, I did a lot of crying the first month.
When I started recovery, I was told…“The good news is you get your feelings back”. “The bad news is you get your feelings back”.
The mood swings and tides of craving happened to me too, along with the insomnia, shakes, headaches, fever and chills and bowel troubles of alcohol withdrawal. There are acute withdrawals and longer lasting symptoms as well.
But it’s all worth it! You never have to feel this way again. You don’t have to be obsessed with thoughts about drinking or the compulsion to get drunk ever again.
I credit Antabuse, individual counseling and AA for my initial recovery, and AA and Talking Sober for my continued sobriety. Here is an excellent list for you from another TS member.
I’m proud of you! You should be proud of yourself. Did you ever hear a coach say no pain no gain? It’s true because the straining of muscles help them build back better. Now we are doing that. With our mind and our emotions. Although I feel bad that you’re hurting, please know, that this is all part of the healing process. For every ounce of pain, is going to be an ounce of strength. You can do it! And this is also the winter solstice if you are in the northern hemisphere, so we are basically in the belly of the whale. The sun will shine again! Trust me!
I know it probably sounds like stupid and annoying advice, but try basic breathing meditation. Again, I know, it probably sounds pathetic and ridiculous. It did to me as well, until I tried it.
When I remember to do it, meditation helps me deal with my anger and craving issues. The reason it helps is that it simply helps you train your brain to recognize thoughts and feelings as soon as they arise out of seemingly nowhere.
That’s all it is. You’re just learning to recognize where these impulses come from. This helps you deal with them. I probably would be divorced at least and dead at most if I hadn’t started doing it.
There’s a free app called “Medito” that can be very helpful in teaching you how to do it. I have no association with this app other than having used it in the past.
Welcome aboard! And meditation is not a stupid suggestion at all! We have to learn to live with our own thoughts and emotions , see how we react to them, and that takes time and attention, so meditating is key!
Hey there! Congratulations on ur 18 days! It is soo normal to experience these highs and lows, mood changes, and cravings out of nowhere. I have gone periods where i dont crave at all! And then boom, ill start being triggered and having intense cravings for a period of time. In early recovery it was super hard to settle my mind. Half the time i felt i was going crazy and my mind and emotions had alot of power and control over me. BUT… the longer u stay sober, the easier it gets. At least thats what i have found. I took up meditation for awhile (and still do it occasionally) by using the Insight Timer app which is free. It helped me to calm my mind and it gave me a chance to just slow down and try to gain a sense of peace. Some days it helped and other days not so much, but it helped me more often than not. And at least i was building healthy habits. Have u ever tried deep breathing exercises or mindfulness or meditation? Maybe that would help 
Just a thought. Hope ur doing better today 
Okay thank you so much for your words of wisdom. It means a lot too me I’m feeling better today on Day 19 but not 100%. I have been crying a lot but it’s good to know it’s normal and I’m not alone in that. I have been so emotional but staying strong!!! 
I like that quote a lot! Yeah I’ve definitely been releasing a lot of emotions! I’ve cried almost everyday since I’ve stopped some days more than others! Thanks for the support! 🫶🏼
Yes thank you so much for your advice and that add in of someone else’s input it means a lot and when you guys help me on her you have no idea how much I fall back and use all the support you guys give thank you a million times!!! 
Thank you and I am proud of myself but I tend to keep having a hard time staying happy because of how hard this has been! I do live in the northern hemisphere so it’s dark here a lot and rains a lot so it doesn’t help on top of all the holiday stuff going on and people drinking around me at functions but I’ve been sticking through it!
Means a lot having you put your energy into replying and your kinds words!
THANK YOU!! Because of what you said I downloaded the app and your right it is absolutely amazing I tried a breath exercise this morning when I starting a panic attack coming on from cravings and it really helped then I journaled after all my thoughts and made me feel good venting it into paper! I have lost a lot of people in my life due to how I am when I’m drunk and it’s sad and been really hard for me to accept and admit it but I have too in order to get through this!
Hi, yes I have tried meditating as of yesterday and made a playlist on my phone is peaceful stress reliving music and it helped also to journal after. I agree with you this beginning process has been a pain and I have felt like I’m going literally insane. It’s scary how dependent I was on alcohol and it’s scary going through the withdrawls right now. I just want them to end and just stop because it has been so emotionally hard. I am mentally exhausted. I literally feel like I’m dragging myself day to day like a zombie. But, everyone here in this chat is helpful in making me not feel so scared and alone and I love that. So, thank you!
You’ve already gotten so many great replies. Ups and downs are normal. You are doing great with 18 days. Try to treat yourself like you would treat a beloved friend who is going through a hard time. Be kind to yourself. You are not your mistakes. Hang in there.
Oh, the holidays, December 26 cannot come soon enough. It is such a stressful time for social interactions, especially especially when we’ve been wired to drink through them. I promise, promise promise, it gets better and better, easier and easier, you may even go through a couple of bouts with feeling like nothing really makes us happy. I’ve been reading a lot, and drinking affect so many neurotransmitters like dopamine and such. It takes a while for our brains to readjust, but when we do, even just the sun peeking through the clouds Bring us pleasure. Great job!
I’ve felt this exact feeling alot lately. I’m overwhelmed with my history of failure, so much regret. And yet, we are here, working it out, trying to look forward. We can’t change a single thing we regret or feel bad about. What we can do is choose in the moment, TO FIGHT TO BE SOBER. Your post touched my heart, as i feel alot of what your feeling.
I would also use my DOC to numb all my emotions, feeling more defeated/devastated after i had my setback. Relapsing doesn’t fix the problem, it just adds to it and makes you feel worse. Thank you for sharing your post, in this moment just know your far from alone.
Thank you 🫶🏼
Thank you so much for commenting back and not making me feel so alone it means a lot and I hope you get through it too!! We got this!
I’m just so proud of you continuing to come here and ask for support when you need it. That is what this community is all about and you’re doing the hard work but not alone! Good job chica!