Hi all, 20 days sober (recovering sex addict) but having a really hard time this weekend. My week was emotional ups and downs (I work in sales and landed an account my company has been chasing for years, also got another really big lead for next week; but also I’m behind with my PD training and my business plan for next year, and my boss called me about that and wants to meet with me on Monday morning about it), and I had two nights where I was freaking myself out so much I laid in bed in the foetal position and whimpered. I was terrified. I still am afraid, of messing everything up, of not being able to create and follow through on a plan, and also dropping the ball on these big leads, failing to execute properly. Planning is part of my job and it is the part I am most scared of because I don’t have (or don’t feel like I have) much success in it - even going back to my days in school. I have been tempted to go and sink into relapse but so far am holding it together, and I am reaching out here. I feel afraid that I will mess it up. I feel incapable and I am unsure where to start, and especially I am not sure how to handle these emotions in healthy ways. I am getting out of the house now, going to a mall food court, hoping that active environment will help keep my mind off this, or at least keep me safe from relapse. Any tips you guys have for these hard times?
Hi,I know it’s not easy but just stick with it I’m day 20 aswell off of heroin n benzos my emotions have been like a roller coaster ride tbh,regards to work just follow through on what u can do and get done the energy you waste on worrying put that into action and get things done once you get home after a break at the mall,grab some good food good rest wake up tomorrow still clean and 3 weeks tomorrow wow what an achievement and get down to preparing to see boss on Monday u can do this you are doing it stay focused and stay connected.al the best
I’m right behind you, Matt. It sounds like you have a lot of anxiety. That’s what drives me to acting out. So maybe you need some healthy ways of dealing with anxiety. A lot of people, including myself, use some form of exercise. This has been most effective for me. Another thing that works but is terribly difficult to do is having a very cold shower.
Thx @Lilemm I think you are right on. Take care of myself take it moment by moment and look forward to a restful sleep tonight (and a fresh new day tomorrow). Thx for your support here! Wishing you a peaceful night & a healthy day tomorrow 
Thx @RBG I really appreciate your input. I have also found exercise helpful. Sometimes I will make myself go for a brisk walk, and it helps. The tricky part is the times when I most need it are the times I’m most caught whirling around in my thoughts (and least available to myself for self-care). I will try to “lean in” to my thoughts, acknowledge them - they’re here, might as well attend to them, right? - and say, Ok, we’re here, what is the next single, small step to take. I’m hoping that will help over the next couple of days
When I’m anxious I try to think of the next right thing I can do. Not how to get all of everything done or sort out how it’s all going to work. Just focus on what I actually CAN do and do that. It takes a lot of effort mentally and emotionally to do it but if I can tell myself to do just one thing & then I can take a break it usually helps. Going to the mall & changing up your scenery was probably a good idea! I agree with exercise being an effective tool too but when my anxiety is too bad I can’t muster up the energy to put into it. So I get it. You may want to look into guided meditation too. There’s a thread on here with lots of YouTube links people use. I use an app called Simple Habit. It really helps get me out of my head and refocused on reality. Hope this helps. Hang in there. You’re brain is adjusting to all of this so understand your emotions will be all over the place.
Thanks @crystalclear you are absolutely right. Sometimes I get this perfectionistic streak and I get paralyzed by how big getting everything “right” (=perfect) would be. Maybe the trick is to think what’s possible. I’ll keep working that into my thinking over the next little while. Hopefully it will help. @crystalclear, @RBG, @Lilemm, I really appreciate you guys chiming in here! I was feeling really lonely and spinning my wheels and it means a lot to have your encouragement. Thanks!
i had such bad anxiety earlier in the week due to my job that it shook me out of bed at 2:30am and my thoughts turned grim. what i can say is that at the time i didnt feel like i could mentally get out of that hole. but today, days later i feel so much better. i spoke with my manager about it the next morning and we created a plan. just talking to her about whats been weighing on my mind felt incredible, a huge release. during those hard times, i just have to think that problem solving sober is a million times better than dealing with anything intoxicated. i take long walks, workout, go for a run, talk to a close friend or colleague. best of luck to you x
You know what you’re right @claire-lo. My manager calling me about my overdue business plan might be one of the best things that could’ve happened! We’ll sit down Monday and we can hash out a plan. Thanks! Wishing you a week of growth and learning
Hi all, it’s 9:45 am and been a hard day so far. I am struggling. I had a respectful conversation with my boss this morning and he really listened - he’s good at that - but I got out “planning is a struggle for me” but not “this job terrifies me sometimes - the sales success of a whole territory with 400 accounts resting on my shoulders and a bewildering array of responsibilities and reports and to-dos and emails and I don’t even know who to ask sometimes and it’s just me alone on the road” - I didn’t get that out.
I’m having a hard time speaking my experience in my life. I feel better now having written this down actually - thanks guys 
- and after I’ve caught up on my overdue training I’m going to drive back to my boss’s office and share my emotional truth with him. That is the underlying reason I’m struggling so much. I believe it’s important for him to understand that, how much of a struggle it is for me to get things together sometimes, and just share my journey staying grounded and trying to have a plan and work the plan.
It’s a hard day today. I’m having a hard time. But I believe when I push through this I will come out stronger and wiser on the other side.
It’s moment by moment sometimes today. I just finished a 10-minute drive and with my thoughts spinning around there were some moments I went to my “say what you see” safe zone: I see the bumper in front of me, I see the lines, I see the pavement, I feel the wheel, I see the light.
It is moment by moment today. But I will make it. I will make it. I will make it. I will make it. I will make it. I. Will. Not. Drop. My. Sobriety.
I may have dropped the ball on a few things this month but I will not drop the ball on that.
Sounds like a useful technique. I just had a cold shower. This is the most effective natural anxiety relief for me. And it feels sublime. But I wasn’t struggling. It has other health benefits. You’re going to make it. We’re here for you.
yes to this. hard days are terrible, but they go away. find some beauty in the day wherever you can. look up at the sky and take a deep breathe. watch squirrels chasing each other on your lunch. 
You’re making some good choices and not letting the crazy of the day get to you. This is a great accomplishment!! Stay grounded and press on. The more sober time you get I think the easier it will be to manage your work responsibilities.
Thx @claire-lo & @crystalclear - that’s good advice. I will find some beauty in the day. First off my boss gave me the day to catch up on stuff, which is actually a good thing for me right now. Also, I plan to visit the gym after work and I always enjoy that. There is a lot to be grateful for 
- and I am feeling calmer now after a couple hours. Keeping going, one hour at a time. Thank you for your support, it means a lot!
Thank you for being so open, you are a great role model!