I decided to have a family member lock down my devices and bar all access to explicit material three days ago - and it’s been a living hell. I’ve acted out using real world women as a proxy for my solo activities instead, and feel like the lockdown’s intended purpose is futile.
Is anyone else going through something similar or have you gone through it before? What was your experience like and what was the outcome? Does quitting porn eventually reap dividends in terms of greater measures of abstinence from lustful activities (and thoughts) in general?
I still struggle with this myself tbh. I don’t have access to porn anymore either. And my bf and i are long distance, so its hard to be intimate. But lustful thoughts and solo acts still happen from time to time.
What helps me, is being honest with myself. Telling myself “Okay, I’m having this thought (whatever the lustful thought maybe) and try, operative word try, to think “one more minute” over and over again. Its all about ODAAT/OMAAT (one minute at a time).
Like i said thats what helps me. And @Matt has helped me a lot when it comes to this kinda thing. (Hope he doesn’t mind me tagging him lol)
I’m sure he doesn’t mind the tag. He’s been really helpful to me too! And so have you.
I like the ODAAT/OMAAT mentality - reminds me of Matthew 6:25-34 (sorry if that’s bordering on inappropriately religious, but my faith is super important to me).
Im religious too so its okay with me :)) I haven’t read that one, ill read it right quick, got my Bible next to me. There are many, many spiritual threads on here. I have one or two and i know there are many more. Just search them and im sure they can help. I dont know how to add a link to another thread or i would lol
For me i found that if i do get a filter on my phone, i would have Urge of acting out sexule even more.
For me locking things and all that, just fights back.
All i do is work the 12 steps on it.
And call people when i struggle.
And the most important thing that works for me, is to ask god to help me with it. Because for me i k ow that god is the only one who could take of this problem.
Sometimes it get really hard for me, because my wife is stull in active sex addiction, and she some times does things that would trigger my brain to go back to my old ways.
I don’t battle lust or sexual addiction, but I can how it’s tricking you.
You had your devices locked down. But you still found a way to escape the lockdown by using other resources.
It’s the same as a gambling addict getting off of electronics but has a casino walking distance from their home it’s not as convenient but it still satisfies the desire.
The unfortunate reality like most addictions, your lust, like alcohol, gambling and even drugs is well available everywhere, unless you lock yourself away in a room with nothing and oven mitts stuck on your hands, the desire will always be there.
I think the preferred method at this point, will be Trying to find alternatives when you have the desire to perform solo, whether it’s exercise, a hobby, religion and faith, do a instead of this I’m going to do this, there’s always going to be urges and struggles, but overcoming them is going to be your key
That’s the thing. That’s it exactly. At some point, the want to be clean has be central. It has to be your home base. And to get there takes practice and communication and reaching out and practice again, and also the replacement activities you mentioned (because we need things to do for fulfillment right?).
Ultimately, that’s what keeps you grounded & growing
Good on you for reaching out! Seeking help and being honest are the back bone of recovery.
Abstaining from porn etc and finding alternatives are a great starting point. I strongly suggest that you enter into a process of finding out why you became addicted. If you’re already on that path, great! There are root causes that makes us run, hide, avoid and numb ourselves with a DOC. Without this process, all abstinence becomes futile over time.
