Thank you Laura, I like your questions and it has given me more to think about. I am very grateful to be here and sober and have people such as yourself that I kick my concerns around with.
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Thank you for your reply Starlight.
One thing I often think about is our substances of choice, they are not the same. I know an addict is an addict however I do wonder if this could be a positive somehow? I also feel some comfort in that we have been through the same programme and wonder how I would ever be able to have a relationship with someone who doesnāt think similarly to me (i.e. recovery focused).
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I think the more ive gone along my sober journey so far the more i see that addiction is addiction regardless of the substance, the substance is just a means to get you where you want to beā¦escaping into oblivionā¦i myself know i have those tendancies and that i basically could get addicted to anything until i thoroughly do the work on my sobriety which is ongoingā¦im 17 months in and what i do know is im a very different person to who i was at the start, ive done ALOT of work on myself as a person and i couldnt have done that with the distraction of a new relationshipā¦its really hard to face yourself and come up with the reasons you became an addict in the first placeā¦i know now ive subconciously gotten into relationships in the past partly to avoid having to do that or as a means to escape in itself, early sobriety often sees people transferring addiction to something else, even people sometimes. Only you know you i can only speak for myself i just want you to really think hard whats best for your sobriety as that right now should be your top priority.
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Wish you all the best. For me it never worked, since I was not ready for a healthy relationship. I thought a relationship might save me, so I got really dependent etc. Of course I picked caring types (so not necessarily from rehab , but for sure some that would have benefitted from a treatment, some were adviced one but never went), now I know an addict (me) gets angry if a person tries to save him. I always turned to the bottle again and again.
Also never stayed friends with people from rehab after a couple of rehaps. We brought each other up and down again. Donāt know of any successful stories, if a couple is at a meeting I get kind of a creepy feeling especially if they start sharing about the relationship 
.
Still working on myself now at three years sober. I have my opinion on the rule to be one year sober before dating, I understand it but itās time for it when itās time. During my last relationship I mentioned that it might by an idea to put to relationship on hold, so I could work on myself (knowing it could take years) and maybe after some time check whether we were ment for eachother. Never did it and the relationship ended not in a pleasant way. All the best. 
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I was one of the lucky onesā¦ Iāve been with my wife for 20 years and she stuck by my ass through all the shit. Sheās the true definition of a ānormieā she may have a few drinks a year (on separate occasions) and not finish most of them. She doesnāt understand how my brain works but she knows how important my sobriety is for all of us. When Iām spending hours here sheās supportive. She would NEVER put me in a situation detrimental to my sobriety. That is what youāll eventually need.
You donāt recover by breaking all the rules. The most important thing to check is the ego. We are not the exception to the rule, we are not lightning in a bottle.
This may work fine for a little while. The day will come when you guys fight and the brain will default to fuck it, Iāll show them. Or one relapes and the brain defaults to Iāll use so we can get sober together. Wether or not youāre strong enough to overcome those thoughts I donāt know but I garuntee you that they will come. For both of your sobrieties you should walk, maybe revisit the relationship in a year if youāre still feeling it.
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Its not a rule, and it doesnt say anywhere that you cant. I do think thats it really good that you are thinking about this, and talking about it. But you likely will not find an answer here either.
I can tell a story also. I was in a relationship from early sobriety for 4 years. I stayed sober, he did not. But the idea that the relationship is the issue is altogether riduculous and I dont agreee with people being shamed for being in relationships or having sex. The idea is that it is suggested and recommended you dont, people do not need to be shamed for doing it another way or not following a suggestion. My partner was not able to keep a string of sobriety together, he could not and in the end it is a big part of why we separated. Would it have been good if I stayed single for a year after getting sober? Perhaps, i will never know. Would it have resulted in him finding lasting sobriety, I find that somehow absurd. But, we will never know. And yet, I learned so much feom that relationship, about myself and others, about myself and my capacity to love. This was the first time I had ever loved and been inlove, and though I wish he could have stayed sober I am certain that even if he had we would have separated anyway. And I am also certain being together didnt destine him to not be sober, as we have not been together for more then 15 years. I am grateful for that relationship, for the times shared and where it brought me.
I just want to offer another perspective because it can be very heavy handed on this subject & really I think its between you, your partner and your sponsor (or therapist or whoever type mentor that you have). Its only a suggestion (its not a bad one & it has absolute merit!), but what I experience and see in the rooms is a lot of shaming of those who choose to do otherwise and a lot of self righteousness around others relationships.
People die from addiction, and relationships do not work everyday. Take it slow, and ask yourself - outside of your feeling strong in sobriety, do you generally have healthy relationship practices and boundaries? Do you rhink youād recognize red flags? Whats your dating history like (not to answer to us but for yourself). Its a hard one for sure, because relationships are a gift and help us grow but yesā¦the best ones we will find are when weāre a bit more fit. Anyway, just my two cents but just take it slow. Xo. Best of luck.
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Iām pretty sure youāre not allowed to date in rehab, just for clarification this is the rule I speak of.
This is another good perspective, with valid points.
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Good perspective. In my rehabs, it was not allowed to start relationships. Of course it happened, including myself at the end of one of my rehab for a few days. It would have been a reason to kick me out when noticed. None of those relationship lasted as far as I know. The reason it is not allowed is that in general people entering a rehab are vulnerable.
The rooms I go to there is mostly concern for the once entering into a relationship with a fella/fellow. Like a fellow of mine did just recently, the relationship ended this week. I was feeling for him since he seemed to have lost the ground under his feet since he was in the relationship with a fella. But like everyone he has/had to figure it out for himself, it is indeed a suggestion. Also know a couple where it seems to work out fine, they already had achieved long term sobriety. My sponsor also didnāt follow the suggestion. But of course he gives me the suggestion for a reason 
. So all kind of flavors
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Thanks for your perspective @Mira_D
I find it really sad that you feel this way but I also totally understand it as certain people I know in the rooms think they are better than others in regards to many issues but I think (hope) that most people that make suggestions regarding such topics do it out of concern and from their own experience.
I know the rehab I went to you would get exited if you were caught in a relationship (or having sex as itās not really a relationship in the true sense) but obviously your choices outside of rehab are your own.
I have yet to see a positive result and for the most part I have never seen anyone stay sober who I was was in rehab with which is devastating.
@sobersilly
Only you can make the decision about what to do, you already seem to have some doubt.
Going to rehab is usually something that happens at your most desperate (it was for me) and no doubt the same for the other person involved, I was so broken and hopeless, I didnāt have much to offer for myself let alone another person.
Put yourself first at all times, I wish you the best in your recovery
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I once heard an NA speaker say finding a lover in rehab is like finding a business partner in bankruptcy courtā¦
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Are you in love w this person?
Or just getting to know each other and hooking up?
If youāre truly in love, you canāt just cut that out of your heart. But take it slow. Especially slow, because love grows deep into us. And youāre supposed to connect w yourself first of all in this time. As addicts we have run from the truth of our feelings for a long time. In recovery we need to seek it, this takes a lot of time and effort. You cannot skimp on that, at all.
But love brings benefit and joy and itās natural to go towards that light. I would however clasp firm boundaries on it. Meeting once or twice a week, not moving in together. No meeting of the fam or whatever. You come first. And they for themselves.
If youāre just dating, getting to know them and hooking up, pause it. If youāre still in the mood to get to know this person in 7 months, good for you, reach out again. Better for either of you. And why shouldnāt you still be into it?
Take ppls advice. No oneās begrudging you happiness.
Btw youāre right the difference of DOC means nothing.
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Addiction and mental health issues complicate relationships irregardless of the circumstances in which they occur. I have read countless posts here where someone got sober and then their marriage failed because then they had nothing in common with their spouse anymore etc. I have never subscribed to a āruleā on this specific topic. Just donāt lose sight of the importance of your own sobriety no matter what is going onā¦
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Powerful. But true and couldnāt agree more.
You need to wait a year at minimum. Loving yourself 1st is critical before you can love someone elseā¦itās not fair to themā¦or youā¦
Another example: Have you ever seen Breaking Bad? Another powerful scene in what happens to Jesseās gfā¦
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Just checking in with you! Hope all is well!
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Good morning all and thank you kindly for all the replies.
I was blocked from replying because I had sent to many individual replies to people. I am new to the site.
I just wanted to say that I really appreciate the feedback and I take it all on board. I really appreciate being part of a community of people who understand me. Thank you all for sharing your stories and guidance.
I have had a discussion with my partner about my concenrs. We are both on the same page and both agree to take things slowly, put our recovery first and tread very carefully. We are both aware of the risks however we are in love therefore it is hard to walk away at this stage.
I do feel safe in that we are both working hard on our recovery and that we can be open and honest about how we feel, even if that means that one of us may need to take a step back form the relationship to concentrate on ourselves a bit more.
I am grateful for you all and wish you all the best on your recovery journeys.
Have a wonderful day 
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I gave you my honest advice but as i said only you know whats best for youā¦i do really wish you and your partner the very best both in your sobriety and relationship 
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