Sorry didn’t post anything in here yesterday and I can’t remember if I did on Sunday or not. My grand father passed away yesterday, I came down Sunday and stayed at the nursing home Sunday night with my grandmother. My grandfather has always been very strong and to watch him deteriorate, struggle, and finally take his last breath was the hardest thing ever, at least I thought. Watching my grandmother who doesn’t cry in front of anyone break down like she did, was extremely hard.
I hadn’t eaten anything since Sunday at lunch, I threw up early Monday morning, got really dizzy, and saw spots, and my chest hurt so bad. Not sure what that was about, thinking a really bad panic attack.
I get to my moms Monday evening, I decide to have a few drinks, which I knew was a bad idea, but did it anyways, u needed something to calm my nerves, and help me sleep, since I haven’t slept since Friday night. I didn’t break down and cry until I got 2 seconds to myself, I felt I had to be the strong one in the bunch, not sure why I felt that way, I have always been that way. So guess who got sick, yep you guessed it, me. I don’t know if I should tell my husband or not, I defiantly don’t want to trade one addiction for another one.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of this. Honestly take a moment to cry, it’s normal and healthy. Bottling it in can make it worse… An and you mentioned you don’t want to trade one addiction for another
That’s why we’re here…to support eachother. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. Be extra kind to yourself
Thank you, I don’t know why I feel the need to be the strong one, I have always been like this. I think I spent the majority of last night/morning crying.
Thank you, I needed to hear that, because even though I am not alone, I feel alone. I sent my husband and daughter home Sunday because i didn’t want her to see him like that, it has been really hard on her.
@Tosh012, so sorry. What an awful thing to go through. Be glad you were there for your grandmother. Take care of yourself. Someone told me that you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you can help anyone else. Take comfort that you are with you family. Don’t focus on your slip up. Glad you were able to check in an not turn away from your support buddies here.
Thank you for that
@Tosh012 Sorry for you and your family’s loss. Grieve it’s natural nobody expects you to be super girl. And for you to put that pressure on yourself in early recovery. I hope you don’t feel as you have to post here for me it’s a desire for me, it comforts me to check in and being around addicts. Just stay in the moment don’t let the weight of the world crush you.
I really like posting in here, it helps me stay focused on me not using. You guys rock and are like family. Thank you guys for everything
You are a big contributor to our community. God bless during this.
I am so sorry for your loss. Grief and sadness are powerful emotions and can really challenge us, especially addicts who like to escape emotions. Be gentle with yourself and your feelings. Crying can be very cathartic and a way to physically release…no shame there.
Take care of yourself.
Aww thank you so much that means so much
Thank you for saying that