Hi, I haven’t posted in a minute and I’m not sure this is the right category for my post but…here I am now.. .. I was finishing up huge projects for school and getting ready to finish my classes. On the last day of classes I got a call that my mom had had a stroke. The plans my aunts and I were discussing are now set in motion. Not only did she have a small stroke, but I think it exacerbated her Alzheimer’s. I’m at her house now and I’m in charge of packing her up to move to an assisted living apartment in my city. She doesn’t know anything about our plans. She can’t. Until the very day we are moving her in.
Anyway, my mom was one of the biggest triggers for my early cannabis use,(37 years ago, I started at 15) and I am having a really rough time here at her chaotic home.
I’m 138 days into my cannabis sobriety and this is like the nail in the coffin for what triggers me to want to use. TBH I’m actually afraid of how it would make me feel again but there’s another side that is realllllllly interested in just seeing and using to temporarily cope.
I’m going home to my family for a few days to regroup as this journey, task and seeing my mom every day and her unraveling is super stressful and sad. I did have a few drinks the last few days. I do not have any issues with that, just weed…
If anyone has experience in dealing with parents with Alzheimer’s in recovery please tell me how to cope. This is uncharted territory for me and I’m finding it super hard not to numb out.
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Hey there, that totally sucks and is so hard. My almost 90 yo Mom has dementia and it was also recently exacerbated by 2 falls in 2 months, the 2nd one requiring 20 staples to her head. She lives in IL with my 91 year old Dad and boy, they have fallen into quite a toxic mess. My Mom cannot use a phone anymore, so when she gets upset about something she has my Dad call whomever she is angry at, so that she can ream them out. It is sad and frustrating…my Dad cannot ‘get’ the part about he should be redirecting her and calming her vs feeding into her paranoia. They are rapidly using up familial goodwill.
Okay, so that’s my little vent. 
To your question…I cope by staying present within myself as much as possible (tho I do eat a bowl of chocolate ice cream each night to soothe myself). I remind myself that escaping by whatever method (weed, whites, wine, etc) doesn’t change the reality or make it go away. It makes me feel like shit about myself. It takes away the pride I feel in myself with my sobriety. It doesn’t help me cope at all. The opposite. It puts off me feeling all the shit that this situation brings up. Grief, anger, frustration, anxiety, old stuff, new stuff. We gotta feel our feelings and let them go. Otherwise they fester.
It isn’t easy, I know. When you go home and are in it…come here and check in and reach out as much as you need to. Take a lot of walks in the fresh air. Don’t push yourself to exhaustion. Stay hydrated and away from alcohol…it is just another rabbit hole to fall down. Are you in any Alz support groups? I follow a few on FB and it actually helps …you are not alone. This is all too common and caregiver exhaustion and burnout is real.
Remember you matter, your sobriety matters. This is life, it has good times and bad times, and that is okay. We can and do get thru both sober and clear.
Believe in yourself and your self worth. 
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Thank you for your advice. No I’m not in any groups yet. Will look into it. I’m going to call a friend on my drive home to talk to her about her experience with her mother’s dementia. I’m staying 2 days at home to regroup, I’m going to plant some flowers and be with my family. When I return here, my mother’s friends have offered to help me pack!!! I’m so grateful for that. Doing it alone it awful. I’ll also have my adhd meds to help me keep focused and locked in. I didn’t bring them and have been regretting it a lot.
I will check in more, having help will be a blessing and getting mom into assisted living will also help alleviate the load considerably.
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I want to echo what @SassyRocks said.
You are not alone
One of my grandmothers had Alzheimer, that’s a while back. What helped me back then was detaching and focussing on dealing with the facts rather than getting carried away by the emotional sides and drama. It is hard and heavy. Please take good care of yourself, get as much help as you can and put your sanity first. I know this is not always possible. it helped me to remind myself that this too shall pass and i can set the overwhelm on pause to get a break from myself. doing now, digesting later so to say. i went to therapy later which helped a lot to make peace with the situation (it was a difficult relationship).
Sending comfort and kindness
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Thank you.
Yes staying present is all I’ve been doing. I’ve been here a whole week and I m leaving soon. My mom is asking me to stay one more night as she has no concept of time. 
I’m excited to get home. I’m super grateful for my mom’s friends helping me when I get back.
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Agree with all of this…having help and moving your Mom will help ease your heavy load. I am so glad her friends are helping you, that will be a blessing for sure.
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I was living with my mum and dad again in early sobriety my dad had Alzheimers he was annoying me my wise sponsor told me have you thanked them for taking you in after you left your wife they were both in their seventies that brought me down to earth i used to go in after work and give him a cuddle told him i loved him sometimes he reacted some he didnt but it made me feel better and took away my anger and resentment wise wee sponsor he was
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