I haven’t been on here in a long time, but used to lurk back when I was first thinking about getting sober. Stopped drinking using Naltrexone/Sinclair method in 2020, sober since April 2020.
So last week I found a physical lump in my throat that turned out to be a suspicious thyroid nodule. I’m going in for more testing this week. I’m a woman in my 30s, so concerned it might be thyroid cancer. Even knowing that most nodules are benign and thyroid cancer is extremely treatable, I feel so overwhelmed and anxious about everything. The doctors I’ve been seeing aren’t communicative, so I’ve been Googling things a lot but it obviously just makes my anxiety worse. Then I worry that maybe I should switch doctors, so I Google that instead. I feel trapped by this cycle of anxiety–part of me really wants to know everything I can so I feel more in control, but then I can’t stop myself from imagining the worst possible outcome EVEN THOUGH I KNOW that the likelihood of this being a serious issue is, like, a percent of a percent. It’s making me really, really want to drink in a way that I haven’t experienced for a long time (but I won’t).
Recognizing that anxiety is one of my big triggers for craving a drink, I’ve done a lot to reduce sources of anxiety in my life. And I didn’t have much/any health anxiety at all until a family member died a few years ago, but now I think constantly about dying/my partner dying/other family dying suddenly. Just struggling to know how to manage this–I recognize that my fear right now is irrational, but that doesn’t change the way it makes me feel.
Definitely appreciate any tips for anxiety/health anxiety, or just anyone with similar experiences or fears. I don’t want anyone else in my life to know how much I’m worried, because I feel so stupid about it.
I think that you are spot on with everything here. Even though we know something, thinking something else can cause overwhelming feelings.
I tend to just deal with the facts today, what do I know for sure? Well, I know that you have some type of lump on your thyroid that is going to have extensive testing this week. That’s all I know, those are the facts. What other facts are there? Is it painful? How can you ease the pain? Because it’s on your thyroid is it making you tired? How can you practice self-care? So instead of forecasting what may or may not happen in the future about an unknown illness, actually tending to your present-day body will help you feel in control and calm your mind. “Just the facts” are a big tool for me in recovery and then trying not to attach any emotion to the facts either.
I am not sure if you meditate but meditation has saved my butt so much in recovery too. I use the insight timer app and a bunch of us use this thread to check in. You can join in if you like
You have made the appointment and you will find out what is going on. You were right about your assessment that nodules or common, most are not malignant, and if they are, the thyroid can easily be removed and you can have a normal life.
Try not to read too much on the Internet. It causes anxiety and often will not give you any kind of peace. I understand why you’re doing it. Congratulations on being sober. If you are feeling weak in your sobriety the help is here for you.
It’s normal and natural to have anxiety about the unknown especially when it has to do with your Health. It’s OK to share that with others. It’s a normal feeling. Don’t let anybody discount that. But also you’ve read enough on the Internet, you don’t need to read more.
Also try to stay off your doctor chart until the doctor talks to you. If you end up unhappy with some of the stuff that’s going on and you’re not satisfied that the doctor did the right thing then yes get on the Internet go to another doctor or whatever. In the meantime have faith in the doctor.
I will be thinking about you and hoping for the best for you. Please come back and say what happened. Hugs
The meditation is good for you. As is deep breathing. You can do it anywhere when you’re driving when you’re standing in line at the grocery store when you’re relaxing on the couch when you wake up in the morning before you go to sleep at night. Taking a breath in for from 4 to 5 or 6, 7, or 8 seconds. Hold it for a while. Then slowly let it out. Then repeat. And repeat. You can also do what they call box breathing which is breathe in for four seconds, Hold for four, let out for four, rest for four. Then repeat.
The meditations that Stella is talking about will be nice for you. It’s someplace to put your head instead of what is going on and what is on the Internet. It’s good to be informed but you have informed yourself and right now you do not know what you have.
One step at a time. The support is here for you. Wishing you good health and some relief of the anxiety in the meantime.
Thank you so much for this, it was somehow EXACTLY what I needed to hear–you have helped me a lot tonight. I will try and focus more on taking care of myself through all of this and I appreciate the way you framed it as a way of having some control in the present (because control is such a big part of what I want right now). I think that I’ve felt so frustrated and embarassed by all the anxiety that my impulse has been to tear myself down more, not to more intentionally take care of myself. This really helped me to reflect on that.
And yes, meditation has helped me a ton too and thank you as well for sharing the thread here, I will definitely check that out!
Again, appreciate you so much for this very kind and thoughtful response.
Thank you so much for this caring reply, Alisa, this is all such good advice and I am definitely going to try and stay off of the internet moving forward. I recognize that it’s hurting me more than helping! And oh man, breathing exercises have helped me so much over the last few months (esp. box breathing) so I can definitely build in more of that.
And yes, I will definitely come back and let you know how things turn out. It means a lot to me that people here are so supportive. I am terrible at asking for help or being vulnerable in real life, so every time I come here and get such kind responses it just blows me away. Really appreciate you.
I suffer with Health Anxiety, it’s awful. I’m actually googling now and can’t sleep. CBT helped me a lot, I used to call ambulances etc. I’m able to control it now even though sometimes it’s uncomfortable, I’ve also had a thyroid nodule removed. Please try not to worry, you are very right, 9 times out of ten they are benign and even if it is cancer it’s one of the very treatable ones! Mine ended up being benign even though I didn’t find that out until after the operation, the operation and recovery was quick, non painful and I was back to normal within days I too worried so so much during all the tests, please try and distract yourself from the negative thoughts you’ve got this!
Thanks for posting this, it’s a relief to know that I’m not alone in feeling this way (although I also hope that you were able to find some relief and get to sleep). I am glad to hear that your surgery went well and everything turned out benign. How long did it take between when you first had the nodule examined and when you got the surgery? I am supposed to get my ultrasound results tomorrow (which followed a CT scan last week) and I am feeling pretty anxious again this afternoon. I am also leaving on a work trip tomorrow, which I think is making it worse because I’m afraid that if the results are bad or inconclusive I’ll be away from family and not able to get back in to the doctor right away. But trying hard to stay grounded in here/now and again, I really appreciate you sharing your experience!
Don’t feel stupid, that’s a scary thing especially if you’ll have to have surgery . But it’s good to note that this surgery is usually not defective & you might not even have to get the whole thing removed. It’s totally understandable, I recently have been having lung issues and w the help of dr Google I convinced myself I had either COPD or heart failure. And tbh I still feel like there’s a chance I do have one of the two. Just get your testing done, don’t let doctor’s tell you they know more about your body than you, express your concerns, & whatever happens you will be okay in the end.
I hope your thyroid tests come back benign. At least you will have some answers soon.
Anxiety is a bitch and you’ve had some great advice. I also enjoy sound baths (gong baths my absolute fave).
I have struggled with iron deficiency over the last couple of years, probably longer. I mention it because in the Facebook groups I’m in, intense anxiety and health anxiety is often something that is discussed. Probably stems from feeling something is wrong and being regularly dismissed by doctors/ self dismissal from trying to just get on with it.
Anyway, see what’s up with your thyroid but maybe worth checking your ferritin levels (or looking at past blood tests and see if it’s been checked, iron deficiency is often undiagnosed). Iron deficiency is perfectly treatable if not always straightforward, and those who manage it report significant health improvements.
I had the nodule three years before it was removed, I was tested by ultra sound and biopsy, there were no suspicious cells and I was given the option to leave it or get it removed. I was extremely anxious about surgery and decided to leave it. I had it checked numerous times over the three years and it gradually grew in size and the cells changed so eventually I had surgery to remove it. If I could go back in time I’d have had it removed in the beginning as leaving it just prolonged my anxiety. As frightening as it is, face anything head on, the quicker you get it dealt with the better it will be for your mental health Challenge your negative thoughts, please remind yourself that this is very common and the majority of nodules are benign. While you are working away, reach out to your family, call them, reach out to friends, reach out to people on here. Don’t sit alone worrying, if you need to cry, cry it’s normal! Stay strong, I promise you will get through this
I too worried so so much during all the tests, please try and distract yourself from the negative thoughts 
Challenge your negative thoughts, please remind yourself that this is very common and the majority of nodules are benign. While you are working away, reach out to your family, call them, reach out to friends, reach out to people on here. Don’t sit alone worrying, if you need to cry, cry it’s normal! Stay strong, I promise you will get through this