My doctor visits recently have all pointed away from my liver being the culprit to my issues. The voices to drink are now screaming at me. I was holding onto that fear, and now it’s gone. My dreams lately have all been drinking related, and feel so real… 82 days I thought it would get easier… I am struggling… Just needed an ear…
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If you starting drinking again those health problems could come right back and they may not go away next time either. As I get older the list of people I knew who alcohol put into an early grave younger than me only grows…
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That addicted part of your brain will look for any edge to convince you to drink. Cunning and baffling, especially when it wins. Have you made it to any recovery groups or meetings around you yet?
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I havent, I have the app that has online meetings and the books, just scared to join… and yes the addicted part of my brain found that edge and is running with it…
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We gotta stay out of our head, indeed. It’s really good at selling bad ideas to folks like us.
I learned early on meeting makers make it. Try something new and put some action in and I bet those voices get weaker.
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I was afraid to drink when I got sober, with the threat of jail backing it up, for 3 years when I stopped drinking. In that time, almost from the beginning, I was building a sober base, a new lifestyle, a change in personality. I know, from my own experience, that when I stayed dry out of fear in the past, I was simply waiting for the fear constraint to be removed so that I could return to drinking the way I wanted. But active sobriety is like active drinking - it’s something we do everyday and become obsessed with. And that is different than simply enduring the dry time until the clock runs down.
You also express fear “just scared to join” of sobriety actions. Maybe a crack in the wall you can begin chipping away at is individual counseling with a drug and alcohol counselor, and layering on readings in sobriety.
If thoughts of drinking are bothering you, as they were me so many times, then action, positive sober actions are the best antidote I can think of.
Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey in earnest.
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