I have been giving this alot of thought about starting up a diary-type thread for my health. This “diary” will incompass my overall health, eating (and will my mention earing disorder occasionally), my weight, along with the ups n downs that come with this part of my recovery. Quitting all mind altering substances seems to be only the tip of the iceberg and I have come to realize that I have struggled with my health/eating just as long (if not longer), as i have with drugs.
Background info (in case anyone is reading and whats to maybe know):
Have struggled with my weight my entire life. At 15 when i began using drugs, i became very underweight and malnourished. When i made my first serious attempt to get clean at age 21, I managed to gain 3 years of sobriety but also gained 100lbs within that 1st year. This is not only where my eating disorder took off but also for my unhealthy obsession with the gym. During that first year of sobriety I switched addictions to food and became an emotional eater. Once realizing that i had gained 100lb, i got into fitness. This is where i began very restrictive dieting, having an obsession with my weight, spending large amounts of $$ on supplements and even taking supplements not legal to where i live. They were extremely dangerous to be using but I became so focused on losing weight that it didnt matter to me at that time. By the time i relapsed at 3 years clean, i had lost 80lbs but then became malnourished and underweight yet again thru drug use. My gym obsession was soo strong that I remained a constant gym goer even though i was using hard. Sex work forced me to also “take care” of myself (or i should say my appearance) so my obsession with the gym got worse. I would push myself to extreme lengths (even to the point of injuring myself). Spending 2 to 3 hours a day at the gym, 7 days a week, sometimes going twice a day. If i couldnt go for whatever reason, i was extremely irritable and discontent.
Now at age 38 and being clean for over a year, i had gained weight in early recovery. My heaviest weight was 275lbs and I am currently 234lbs through exercise and healthy eating. Its been slow progress but its been somewhat healthier than my previous attempts at a healthy lifestyle. So on this thread, i wanted to journal about my health journey and the the ups and downs related to it. Feel free to comment if you like. I hope this can also be useful to others that struggle with the same thing
I’ve struggled with my weight since middle school and became obsessed with dieting and working out. I was in my prime physical shape in my early 20s but still unhappy with my physical self. Fast forward to my mid 30s my addiction to weed and alcohol and sedentary lifestyle had me put on 100+ lbs. Im on a journey as well now that im sober to get healthier, lose weight and gain self confidence.
I am looking forward to your shares. Physical health, body image, self love, food, exercise and all that has been part of my dis-ease and healing sober journey for a very long time as well. Happy to be on this path with you.
Thank you so much for ur comment It feels really good to know that im not the only one that is going thru this. I never really related the two (addiction and health related stuff) until just recently. I always thought they were seperate issues. But I do feel a connection now btwn the two. I just dont know what the underlying connection is. Im interested in finding out tho
So today i am trying something new. Im trying to get to know myself and what works for me with regards to my eating. In the past, i was used to constantly snacking. Idk if its a sensory thing, if its out of boredom, stress or emotion. But thru counting my calories honestly, it has shown me that i consume wayyyyy too many calories when I am eating like this (like 2500-3000 calories a day!). This would bring on alot of guilt and shame and feelings of not having control over food. Id be sluggish and not feeling well and this i want to change.
So today, i am trying to build a routine with my eating:
Began my day with a coffee (reduced my creamer) and then exercised and ran errands to distract myself in the morning. I am not a breakfast eater so this isnt a huge strain to do.
11am had a green smoothie made with protein powder for lunch then waited 2 hours
2pm had my 1st snack which was a 1/2 whole wheat bagel with 100grams of smoked ham on it. Will wait until 4pm to eat my 2nd light snack
4pm will have the other half of my bagel with 1 tbsp of light cream cheese
Supper (hubby gets home around 630pm) will be 2 soft tacos and ive counted my calories for that.
This will bring me to around 1600 cal for the day.
I am happy about today. My exercise wasnt as good as I wouldve liked it to be BUT i am trying to listen to my body and not overdo it if im feeling exhausted already. I wont feel bad about this. I dont have to be perfect, just consistent.
Weekends at work are hard for me for my eating so i am trying to prepare for that. Its just usually very quiet and i tend to want to eat for something to do. My mind tends to fixate around food and when i can eat next. So will plan healthy snacks that are low cal so that i can still reach my goal
Hard boiled eggs are a great protein source as well and easy to keep on hand. Another great addition is adding in lower caloric density foods (ie foods with lots of water).
Low calorie density foods tend to provide more fiber and nutrients, which help you feel full. Think watermelon, cantaloupe, banana, cucumber, carrots, etc. You can fill up on these for healthy snacks and you won’t get the up and down of the carbs from the bagels.
Celery and sugar free peanut butter is a favorite! Ditto on the low caloric density foods. I love cucumbers - my favorite snack, very Mexican style, cayenne and lime on top.
Looking forward to following along @Butterflymoonwoman Dana! I have never been very in tune with my body and my weight probably fluctuates, I can tell by how my clothes fit, but I guess I’m on the other end of the spectrum of not being focused enough on how my body is doing/feeling or what I am doing to take care of it. I try to eat healthy but am not very focused. I do know that I want to improve my fitness and feel better overall, including being more intentional about what I consume, so I’m pretty much starting a similar journey myself. I love to cook but I cook out of interest in the process and trying new things, less so out of an intention to eat to live sort of mentality, which is what I want to shift toward.
Thanks for putting this out there! I wish you well in the process.
Thank u for ur post friend i always appreciate what u have to say. Im glad we are on a similar journey. Ill definitly be cheering u on i think no matter what our reasonings are for currently being where we stand in our health journeys, what matters is that we are both trying to better ourselves and do it from a place of self love. Also…
Ill have to try them this way! Sounds really delicious!
Had a small proud moment tonight. I ate my 2 tacos n then was about to grab another, when i stopped n asked myself if i was actually hungry. I wasnt… so made the decision to pack up the leftovers. I feel really good about that win
SO very happy to see that you did start your own thread my friend. I do hope that journaling here and getting input from fellow travelers will be helpful in y our journey with food.
I was going to get into the whole bit but instead just know that I too know how you feel and what you are going through. I did find that healthy vegetable juicing to start off your day kick starts your body’s enzymes and helps your metabolism. We are on this journey together and look forward to your entries.
Love the small proud moments – so happy that today was a GOOD day. Those win’s are gonna keep adding up
Thank u so much friend for ur support! I dont have a juicer machine but i do love vegetable juice! I like ur idea about starting off the day that way! Im going to add that to my grocery list thank u! Hope ur having a good day!
Thanks love appreciate you… i dont think im so ready yet — lol…i typed up and erased so many times . Im here with you in our journey and hopefully will share in time.
In case you have a Blender…
My mom had been using her blender to juice veggies – blend with water and then strain using cheesecloth… a lot more work but she feels that gets more juice and also a upper body workout
I totally understand and i appreciate ur honesty. Take all the time u need
Ive never thought about blending vegetables. Thats quite a smart idea. I have an immersion blender but i dont think its strong enough to handle veggies other than spinach lol one of these days i will get a good blender lol
I keep cut up tomatoes and cut up cucumber separately in my refrigerator a good bit of the time.
I put a little olive oil on the tomatoes and a good bit of vinegar on the cucumber.
I don’t keep them mixed together because then it makes everything soggy.