Hello my name is kaily 22
Crack has become my downfall and today I am again on 2 days sober. At this point I’ve gone to NA, broke away from my supposed friends, now I just grit my teeth and fight the urge. I recently relapsed left my family and some of my honest friends completely in the dust freaking out not knowing where I was or if I was ok. Now I regretted coming back you feel the guilt which makes staying clean sometimes that much harder for me but every time it’s been with open arms and a I’m just glad your ok. For awhile I’ve been denying everything thinking to myself I still hold a job, I’ve still got a car, I still function I don’t need help at all. It wasn’t until I realized that’s what started it all and tonight I just found this app and I’ve been looking for people who are in the same sisutation, more groups in my area, just more people with an understanding so I feel like I have somebody to talk to then I found this. I’m just now starting to realize this is a problem and I figured hey what the heck. An attempt is better then no attempt at all at this point before I really do lose everything cause it seems so much easier to be dumb but that’s the point right cause staying somber takes work it’s not easy. So that’s a little about me and as everybody’s told me I leave with a just hang in there.
It sounds like you have a great family and a lot of support in them if you open up about your struggle. It’s always hard making the first step towards change. And each day is a new struggle to not go back to old habits. I always recommend journaling because it helps to get what’s in your head out on paper. You don’t have to look back at what you wrote. Sometimes just the process of writing is enough. Or if you do read, then self-reflection can help identify some key issues which trigger your use.
Recovering alcoholic and crack addict here. I’m sober and in recovery (AA) 170 days today. Yes, it takes work in sobriety but so did manipulating to get the next high. You STILL have a job and car…you don’t need to keep going to see how far down it will take you. Don’t expect your family to understand your struggle and expect a certain response from them…we’re a different breed. Get yourself back into recovery, work your program, and get through the moments a little at a time…a day at a time. Do this for yourself because you deserve better. There’s no use in beating yourself up, you’ve done that enough and it doesn’t work. Love yourself enough to say “Today, I will not use” and "I’ll freely let go of anything that is blocking my greater good"
Welcome @Orange2011
You rock! I’m having first night sober fun too haha trying to get that white tomorrow and get working hard on sobriety be patient with your self. I suggest making or buying a note book or schedule and fill it up with as many things as possible kind of like what a teacher does for a school where she makes a very detailed expectation of what is happening threw the day wake up eat shower pets coffee go to work eat lunch at this time details are key have lots of them you gotta check off in the day. It’s like your a little kid and you need to be the parent who keeps them safe and healthy and also learning and having fun. That’s what my plan is? I’m a newbie here too. Breath one sober breath at a time. Be gentle with yourself fabulous not perfect or progress not perfect. Xoxoxo as
Side note get lots lots of hobbies
I do a lot of writing espically when I feel the urge to go use. I don’t necessarily like to look back on what I wrote sometimes I find myself being like wow what was I thinking but sometimes I do find it’s helpful to look back and also be reminded of why I wanna keep going forward as well.
Yeah I find that’s a common problem of mine is the beat downs I give on myself or driving myself crazy trying to fix everything as soon and as quickly as I can. As far as hobbies go well I’m a writer and I play a list of instruments I’ve found your right in that one. Not only does it keep my hand and my mind busy but it’s also form of release when I need it. As far as your first day goes for you as well just keep going as we all say. I try to stay positive to cause I mean I’ve still got my family around but it’s sometimes very hard to talk to explain things to people who don’t know what your talking about or feeling. But best of luck to you as well to.