Hello, I am not sober, my sober timer is running but I don’t know how to change it and it feels like a lie everytime I look at it. Either way here I am.
I said growing up I’ll never be like my birth mother, she drank and did pills, pills she took her like with when I was 8 months old because she was drunk and the baby sitter said no, you can not have her, so my mom went home took as many as she wanted I guess and bam, orphan.
I said I’d never go to pills, which I actually haven’t, only have been on pain meds once and I cried, I was scared of what was happening and what if I liked it? I didn’t, but the fear was there.
Anyways. So 8 month old me, orphan, my aunt, my birth mothers twin, adopted me. She didn’t want me, she can lie and say she did but she cannot honestly say what she would do to me was that of a mother who wanted their child. I was always a liar, even now when giving her the harsh truths I am still a liar, how I was as a child is not who I am now. The one lie I tell people, which I’m just now realizing, is that I’m a alcoholic.
Today while doing finances, I was like wait, there is 1000 dollars here I’m missing? Every month? Gas has gone up sure but that’s not 1000 dollars worth! In the past 30 days ish I’ve forced my husband to spend 300+ dollars on me in beer, that’s at least 20 every other day. He spends 80 on himself a month the rest of it is gas/eating out.
I’m a stay at home mom, I don’t drink till my child takes a nap, I don’t drink heavily till my husband gets home, usually I’m loving, at little smothering to be honest, and others I’m just sad. It’s not affected our home life too much, I’d say but of course I’m the heckin addict here, what do I know when I’m looking through rose covered glasses?
Anyways here’s me, deep depression, mommy issues, daddy issues, fucking up my life, oh and putting all of the pressure on my husband. I can’t tell anyone else either or else my mom will just say “I told you so”. My husband will break, and his family will tell him to divorce me.
Welcome. I’m glad you are here.
Welcome to Talking Sober Harvey. Glad to meet you. You’re not alone. You are here with us all and we all know the deal. This is the right place to start exploring your feelings, to share (like you just did, thanks for that), to learn about addiction and how to beat it, to get support and support others. We do this thing together. We need each other. We can’t do it by ourselves.
I hope to see you around, please take your time to read around and get to know this place that helped so many folks just like me and you. For me it has been the difference between failure in the past and succes now. Welcome again and wishing you all success. 
Welcome that was a beautifully honest post and I hope you feel better for sharing. I’m a stay at home mum and did exactly what you did. Put the kids to bed and drank till black out. But I told myself I was still good with the kids in the day and I just needed to unwind and escape my anxiety and depression. What iv found is the alcohol was alot of my depression and anxieties of being a good mum and wife. Iam a totally siffferent mum and wife now. I still have my down days because I do have unresolved issues in myself but I can actually face them. Alcohol made me believe it was helping me face life and be a better person. But it was a lie. Push through and know you do deserve more and create you time for you and put support in place. Your future self will thankyou xx
Well done, you’ve taken action in coming here. It’s a great place with plenty of people who can offer help and support! Sending you strength 
Hi alcohol is a depressant so its only going to drag you further down, as we all know i don’t have to spell it out drinking around kids whether they are asleep or not is a no no, if a fire started or they got up and wondered out onto the road, we aren’t capable no matter how much we think we are in control we are not the minute we put that poison in ourselves, why not give yourself a better life and stop, come here and chat to all of us, reach out if you need help or reassurance, we are all in the same boat so we know how you feel, wishing you well.
Welcome to TS! You are not alone. So much good advice and support here.
If you continue in your sobriety the ‘Lie’ begins to end. Focus on that for now. Dwelling on the past that cannot be changed or things that others do not need to know about will only spiral you back into drinking and all the things you dislike about yourself.
How are you feeling today?
I feel ok, I had a small beer last night so I had to reset. But I’m starting to think it’s possible my drinking may be because of anxiety.
Yeah normally drinking is a secondary problem rather than a primary. I go to counselling for my anxiety to try find different coping mechanisms. Well done for recognising it and youv know now moving forward what triggers you 
Hi 
Welcome to the community.
There is so much support here to read and from real people
You can do this, you can be sober and be happy so many of us here are living proof
It’s today your Day 1 ?
Your have the strength deep within, and your own reasons for beginning this journey, just know your not alone we are here with you 
Welcome to the community 
Sometimes, people think they need to make an announcement, declare alcoholism from the rooftops, and seal themselves in a room to quit. That is not always so. You don’t have to tell anyone at this point. I didn’t, 2 1/2 years ago. I told the people i was living with for the support , at first. I just said, I’m going to stop for awhile (one day at a time). You can catch an online Zoom meeting, instead of picking up when your little one goes to sleep. That money that you were using for beer, plan a trip to Disneyworld (you can make payments if you stay at the resort) or another destination to keep you accountable. Get an online therapist to help you with any demons you’re battling. This is YOUR journey! Make it the way that fits you 
We’ll be having a Zoom tomorrow. Feel free to stop by to talk to others for more ideas if you’d like 
You sharing your story tells me you are courageous. It took courage to share your story and it takes courage to keep going everyday under the circumstances you are in. My heart goes out to you and I’m glad you have this supportive community of fellow empathetic soldiers. March on my sister. Get solid , get sober, stay grounded ,