Hi my name is Lisa and I am 10 days sober of alcohol… the thing is that I live with a man who is the step father of my oldest daughter and biological father of my youngest daughter and he is an active alcoholic. He consumes alcohol every night for up to 9 hours… I am doing my utmost to stay sober but I am struggling with the emotional and mental abuse I get from him. I feel terribly bad because I feel I am putting up with it and in turn teaching my children to accept this type of treatment rather than getting myself out of it because he blames me for breaking up the family… I really need support 
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Its not your fault. Its never gonna work with him. not being sober. You just keep on going. Were proud of you. Ill havw 2 weeks sober in a few hrs. Its a battle but tou got this.
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Hello Lisa,
That’s a tough spot to be in. How can we be of help ?
As said above, this is not your fault regaldless of what your partner says.
How old are your kids ? Can you talk about this with them ?
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Hi Lisa, nice to meet you.
Have you spoken to him about your feelings towards the situation and what you would lime to happen in the future?
Appreciate it may be difficult and the ears won’t want to listen to what you have to say, but communication is key.
Stay with us on here. We are with you all the way.
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That really sounds tough. Is he open to getting help? If not, then you really need to think about how good it is your you and your children to stay. How old are they by the way? Always willing to listen.
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He should never treat you that way. No man should ever behave that way towards his relationship partner. It is manipulative and abusive and it is wrong.
You and your children have the right to be safe and to live your lives in a way that works for you.
If you are in the US, you can call the national domestic violence helpline (1-800-799-7233) and they will be able to help. You can also chat with them online; there’s a link for that here:
https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/get-help
If you’re in another country, search up terms like “emotional abuse help” or “domestic violence help” and you should find options. Most major English-speaking countries have helplines & many other countries do too.
It is not an easy path but it is an important choice. You are not alone and you have help available to you. Take it one step at a time.
Keep us posted 
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If the thoughts of this stranger means anything I can tell you that you are my hero! Everyday you don’t drink you prove that you are stronger than most, def stronger than I use to be when drinking! Also I don’t think you’re some failure teaching your kids to tolerate abuse or anything like that especially because hopefully as your kid’s age you can discuss with them all of this and you’re going to have to discuss with them why you made the choices you made. FYI if you go back to drinking you have to discuss that with them too. You would also have to discuss with your children how to not be an alcoholic as they most likely possess the genes for alcoholism. If you choose at any time to stop being a super hero and start drinking again chances are you’ll never pick up the skills needed to help your children when they need you the most! When they are adults finding themselves with a drinking problem and a spouse who also has a drinking problem. You have to do it for yourself but I find my children to be my strongest motivator and I don’t want them to live the life that I did. Luckily I’m 3 years Alcohol Free and maybe know a lil to help them.
You know why the Lotus is the symbol of Buddhism? Because this beautiful flower has to start in the mud. it has to grow up all the way through the water with its roots in the mud and it never gets to see the sun until it reaches its destination it just trusts that there will be sun.
then after hitting the sun it can blossom and be this thing of beauty and symbol of rebirth. There’s no question about it you are deep in the mud right now and there’s no sign of light and I do sympathize with you, but there is tremendous strength in you to even get this far and I’m venturing to say there’s Beauty waiting to Blossom as well if you can be strong enough to stay sober!
And you can. You can show your kids at their mother is a hero and the strongest person they’ll ever meet!
Be well, take care.
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Confronting him only ends up with him saying that he is doing something about whilst continuing to drink! Sometimes he acknowledges it and reassures me he is getting help but he will say this while cracking open the first high strength beer for the night…. Other times it makes him angry and I end up with him throwing plates at me
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Congratulations on your 10 days of sobriety Lisa.
My wife has drank through all my sobriety. So I’m always around someone who drinks.
Have you heard of Al-Anon?
AlAnon.org. It’s been a game changer for me dealing with my wife who drinks. You don’t need to put up with that. You are not alone.
If your interested there’s a thread here you can read along with some others.
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I’m glad you’re here and I’m glad you posted. Congratulations on your 10 days of sobriety.
That 10 days of sobriety is going to lead you to your freedom.
If you are staying together ‘only for the children’ that is something to really reconsider.
Children shouldn’t be around somebody who throws plates at their mother in any and all cases.
You have a right to want your children to be in a safe place.
You have to hang onto your own sobriety to have credibility with him.
I think you should talk to him and start putting boundaries on his drinking. As far as you and the children go.
If you are madly in love with him and don’t know how you would ever live without him then figure out how you’re going to live with him.
If you are with him for convenience, for yourself, and the children, start figuring out a way to get out or get him to make a change and to stick with it.
Our society thinks that drinking is OK.
Many in our society ( like your husband) think it’s OK for people to throw plates at other people when they’re not sober. It’s not OK.
Maybe you could take a video of him sometime.
Be careful what you do so that you don’t end up getting physically hurt.
If you decide you want out and you have no idea how you would do it there is help out there in the world for you. You would get through and everything would end up being OK. You would not be the first woman who left an abusive, drunk husband.
Stay here to keep yourself sober. You have to stay sober.
Thinking about you and I’m glad that you posted.
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I’m so sorry. I also live with an active alcoholic and it is definitely challenging to stay sober. My husband is not abusive, however it does cause arguments if I “nag” him about his drinking. I’m trying to focus on myself and let go of my resentment towards him for his drinking. That being said, if your husband is being physically and emotionally abusive towards you, I question if this is a safe environment for you and your children and I’m wondering if you can find a safe place to stay to get the help you need. Maybe calling the helpline that @Matt suggested is a good place to start. Please keep checking in with us💜
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