After my own actions have opened my eyes and literally scared me sober, I’m dealing with so much guilt about how I let my self participate in things I never in a million years thought I would do. I cant get it out of my head and its driving me crazy. I cant seem to forgive my self and learn from my experience and move on. I’ve talked to 2 really good friends about it but , I still cant. I dont know what to do …
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I think that is pretty natural. I feel the same way. Take one day at a time. There is a ton of useful info and people that feel the same as you do on here. Keeping talking and working it out! We are all here for you!
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All you can do from here is move forward and be a better version of yourself. Take it all as life lessons and ensure it never happens again . This last 8 months of effort I fell into a guilty shameful heavy hearted mode where I realized so many lost people and mistakes thruout the last 16 years. Just remember to heal you must embrace the pain… take it all in… understand it… forgive yourself… and level up. I feel you… it was heart breaking to feel such intensity… but I’m thankful I did.
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Ugghhhh the guilt. It’s your brains way of helping you learn a lesson from your mistakes. The guilt I still feel about things can be profound at times, but I am learning that actions speak louder than words, and being sober is the best thing I can do for myself and for those that I’ve hurt. Everyday I feel less guilt, and more proud of the person I knew I could be 
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That’s completely normal. It got easier for me when I was able to share things with people like me in AA meetings.
We’ve all done things we’re not proud of. But it’s what we do today that matters.
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It’s awful. I have to brave the school run most mornings with people I’ve tried it on with, tried to fight- and that’s all I can remember!
Don’t let it get you back in the cycle of drinking to feel less anxious- you will feel this way over time
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Oh, the guilt - and the shame. I was consumed with it. And that kept my drinking in a dark, sad, secret place for a very long time. I felt like if anyone really knew me - knew the horrible things I had done and the lies I had told- they would hate me and never want to be around me again.
I don’t know if you work any kind of program; for me, working the 12 steps in AA has helped me so much in terms of dealing with shame and guilt. I’ll never forget the things I’ve done, but I’m learning to use those memories as a motivator to never go back to that life. Today I can honestly say that there is nothing weighing down my soul - and I am so grateful for that.
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I think the guilt, just like everything else in sobriety, comes in waves, but the level of intesity becomes less and less as time goes on.
I still get waves of guilt, waves of depression, regret, anger, embarrassment, and everything inbetween. But I’m hopeful, because at least I have moments where I don’t think about these past things, and even in some rare moments, accepting of it, and able to forgive myself. That isn’t all the times though. There are definitely days where I get triggered by certain things, and I just can’t seem to let go of certain thoughts. Try not to beat yourself up for it too much, but I know that is easier said than done.
Everyone has secrets and things they aren’t proud of. Sometimes taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture can be therapuetic. Realizing that were all human, and many people have made the same mistakes you have, and many more will go on to do so as well. Let go of the ego-self and realize your situation isn’t special or any different than countless others. Focus only on the things you have the power to control and change, and let go of the rest.
(The past is not one of them, worrying about it changes absolutely nothing. I mean really think about it. We spend so much time and mental energy thinking about the past. Analyzing scenarios, “I should had said this” or “I should had done that”. None ot it matters now, because that moment is gone and lost forever. The only thing you can control is the moment happening right now, so focus on that.) BE HERE NOW. Staying in the now will help you from the depression of the past and anxiety of the future.
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The anxiety that comes along with this is above and beyond anything I have ever felt. I literally worry my self to the point of feeling lightheaded and sick. I called into work sick Monday and feel terrible about it , and today I tried to go and ended up leaving because I almost felt like I wasnt even present in my body and was feeling so anxious I felt sick. Now it’s this guilt that I’m leaving work and worry about affecting work etc…