In the spirit of honesty (as this app encourages), I’ve had to reset my sober counter… I can’t even count how many times. A lot. A lot a lot. I’m on day 10 of no smoking. I should be happy, but I’m not. I don’t have urges anymore which is a good thing?
I’m going back to school in August. Already have classes registered. Work is going well, full time, great boss, and the store I work at just won an award from a completion that was region wide so go us.
I’m living with family & Saving my money because the economy sucks right now and even to rent a room is expensive. I’m very fortunate to only have to pay what I can afford whilst saving my money so I don’t feel like a total leech.
So reading back this all sounds really great. I’m building myself back up from an old romantic relationship that wasn’t healthy (due to me and my addiction) and some very poor finial decisions. But here’s the thing… I genuinely, genuinely, genuinely feel behind. I’m feel lonely, I feel like a failure, I feel like I don’t deserve anything and that everything I do is a mistake (which most of the time it’s not). I just turned 23. I can’t give myself a mental break. What the actual f***
I think this post was more of a rant for me to just get out and process rather than for people to read, but I’m always happy to see comments bc I often read them over and over and over and over. Obsessive? Maybe
That situation sounds just really demoralizing and dispiriting. I can only imagine how it must feel to be where you are. As far as recovery goes, the advice that I can give is that sobriety is the foundation of everything: a clear mind clear goals, clear progress. But still, it can be very discouraging when these feelings build up. I’m sorry you’re feeling that way and I hope you feel better soon.
Hi Faith! I don’t hear or see failure but I do hear self sabotage. Which is something us free range humans are really good at doing to ourselves.
Emotional balance is difficult in life period, and it’s ramped up when we’re newly sober as our brain is adjusting to the new way.
How to feel less of these self driven thoughts? I had to (and still do) recognize them and rapidly get out of my head. Healthy activities, + affirmations, doing things for others, walks, journaling. The list goes on.
I think you’re doing great and so happy for you and your sobriety, upcoming further studies!
