Not looking for sympathy just someone to say it does work ,36 sober back to the start, its soul crushing, felt so good and my reward a drink ,why i have no idea,why would i reward myself with the very thing that is making me ill ??
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Hey gal! I know you aren’t looking for sympathy, but how about some empathy. I’ve been there. Finally got bad enough and I stopped digging 18+ months ago. I completely changed my life, including giving up my job so that I could focus on my sobriety. Job was just too much for me to stay sober. Lots of AA local meetings and TLC online meetings. Surrounded myself with people who supported my recovery. What happened and what will you change going forward to stay sober. How can we help? I’m definitely rooting for you, Macy. You deserve a life free from alcohol.
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Thankyou for the reply ,mine seems to be triggered by happiness, seems weird, im happy that im sober then i go and get drunk in celebration, crazy has anyone else been through this?
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Nice, love that combination ! You won’t get any sympathy here, but you will find empathy. Long enough untill you can have it for yourself 
It does. Read around here, plenty stories and shares that prove it !
Not crazy, it’s a pattern you’ve learned yourself for ages like so many of us did.
I never relapsed so far, but somewhere along the road I realised I still had my “special beers” for celebrations, only 0.0% this time.
But the thought is the same : “let me celebrate this, I deserve a special one”
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It only gets better if you commit to putting the work in daily.
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It’s not weird at all. Are you still going to meetings or engaged with a sober community? Do you have sober friends? Macy, you can do this. I’ve been following your journey. Something flipped around the 120 day mark and my perception of alcohol even as a reward changed. I was working my recovery program hard. Still do. TS is a huge part of my support system, but I need AA and TLC as well. Please keep going one day at a time.
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I’m back to the start again, I’ve been constantly relapsing lately, I get to day 5 feel great, after being to the gym all week, and staying focused then reward myself with a drink, and feel completely awful again, fresh start today and I shall try again, stay intouch, this site is really good 
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Reward yourself with something else!
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Maybe try a meeting might help ,why not use a soft drink for reward . for me i didnt reward myself i was just happy i was keeping sober .
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No this totally makes sense! I also do this. I’m looking out for it now. I know that celebratory things are a huge trigger for me. So I try to have my own special drink in a fancy glass like everyone else. Like a mocktail. I really like lime bubbly with 100% cranberry juice in it. It’s fizzy and tangy and looks fancy in a glass. For me I’m not looking for the buzz. Im looking for inclusion in the celebration and that makes me feel like I’m in it with everyone else. Maybe something like that would help you too.
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