It’s hard, I know. I have also struggled with PMO and my faith. It has felt at times like I live two different lives.
I take comfort in knowing that the universe is our classroom and this universe is for us to learn. The universe includes free will - we’re all free to make choices. As long as I have a choice I have something to work for, something to live for: and we always, always have a choice.
Don’t despair. You have what you need to climb this mountain. You will find your path and your support if you keep searching.
It sounds like you feel unseen at times in your struggle. That’s a lonely feeling. My wife also struggles to understand it, but she has learned a lot; she joined a partners group - spouses of six addicts in recovery - and for her that has made a huge difference in understanding.
I am assuming you’re a woman (though correct me if I’m wrong, that’s no problem! 
). For women there are some different social expectations and pressures, and in some places it’s a different path than a heterosexual man like me. However - there are many women around the world who are walking a path to sobriety from PMO, and finding the support they need (some of these women you’ll find by searching “PMO” here - they have their own threads), and you can do it yourself as well.
For me, accessing a dedicated sex / porn / sexual acting out support group was key. (There’s not much difference psychologically between “acting out” physically in a hotel room and acting out over the internet, so the support is very similar.) Like many addictions, it helps to have support. It’s lonely and discouraging without people who really understand. More than that though, there are valuable insights in the programs at these groups, and members learn a lot. Both women and men participate in these groups. Some are women only, some are men only, you can find them by searching.
There’s a good post of sex addict recovery support groups here:
Note that these include groups like “S-Anon”, which is designed for partners of sex addicts, to help them develop their own healthy strategies. (Something to keep in mind if/when your husband starts asking questions.)