Hello all. My name is Jay. I am a 40 yr old Father of two. I began drinking heavily a few months ago, lost my job, and have been clean for a week today. The anxiety has been nearly unbearable. Anyone else experiencing this?
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Hey Jay,
Welcome. Glad you found us. Congratulations on your first week clean and sober. Anxiety is a big issue with many people. Me included.
I found working a good gratitude exercise on the daily was a great way to battle it. From my research. And you can research it too. The brain cannot handle both anxiety and gratefulness. I know many alcoholics that work a good gratitude list. It’s actually retrained my brain. I still get anxious. But after awhile and exercising the gratitude muscle it’s much more manageable. With those 2 children you must have a lot to be grateful for when you’re not drinking. C’mon over and join us if you like. Daily Gratitude, The Air Of Recovery #9
Have a good read. Join in when you’re comfortable.
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Hello Jay,
Well done on your sober time. Those first steps are the hardest
I appreciate that we are all different and we all have our different stories and experiences. I can only tell you about my experience and hope that it works out that way for you.
When I first stopped drinking five years ago, I was suffering with debilitating anxiety. I simply couldn’t function. It was a significant driver in my stopping drinking. I had to try something. Initially it was horrendous. My anxiety was laid bare with no way of switching it off - however briefly. Over time, though (and I’m afraid I can’t remember precisely how long that was), it started to get better and better. It got to the point where the absence of anxiety was the main thing keeping me sober. The idea of going back to that anxious state was terrifying. In my mind, it felt like the alcohol had been the main cause of my anxiety, which really helped me to stay off it. It was at least feeding it. As time has passed, I now feel pretty much anxiety free for the first time in my adult life. Maybe my age and some hormonal changes have played a part in it - so it may not be the same for everyone. I can say categorically though, that for me, stopping drinking helped.
It helped in other ways, too. I hadn’t realised how much I was spending on alcohol until I stopped - so my finances were better and better over time. This reduced my anxiety. My decision making also became much better, leading to fewer things to be anxious about.
I don’t know you at all, but I’d be willing to bet that a sober and straight you is much more likely to get a job than someone slipping in and out of sobriety. And don’t get me started on being a better parent to your kids.
I can also confirm what @Dazercat has said above. (Hi Eric. Long time, no speak). Conscious gratitude was an unexpected game changer for me. I’m not present in the thread anymore but I practise it in everyday life and it really helps.
I’m going to leave it there, Jay. I could talk about this all day. Yes, it’s awful at first - but it is so much better in the long run.
Good luck.
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Hello there Jay!
I have suffered with social anxiety since I can remember. I used to have people say to me in the street (as a child) “cheer up, it might never happen” . But inside my head it was happening non stop. It never helped when people tried to ‘chivy’ me along, so I won’t do the same to you, but I do have to stress that all the work to battle this will come from you. In your own time 
Drinking quietened it down for me short term. I.e., it broke down the communication pathways with poison so I couldn’t think anything at all. But the silence when drunk was like being muffled and swallowed by pristine snow. Clean and whole. It was intoxicating, and I drank heavily to chase that feeling for over 25 years. Because of my anxiety and social awkwardness it also helped me in social settings. To be someone I want and perform like a seal.
Getting sober took away all my cloaks and left me to fight life with limited and rudimentary tools. Because I had numbed out all those years a lot of my techniques for coping without alcohol were blunt and without refinement. It takes a lot of courage and self belief to sharpen your skills to lose your social anxiety. And you may never lose it fully, but we just cultivate ways of coping better and loving ourselves more. With time and practice you will come into power in sobriety and know and trust yourself.
First things first:
Get and stay sober
Stay connected with recovery: people, media, podcasts, books.
Explore your feelings, use helpful guidance like self help books to educate on the science and psychology side.
Self soothe and ground yourself in safety.
Keep talking.
Good luck. We are here for you.
Stay sober, it’s worth it!
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