Hi all.
New here as im trying to expand my knowledge and build a strong backup for my challenges.
Quick intro…
Im M from the U.K.
Today is my 150th day in recovery from substances. My DOC is cocaine.
My habit spans over a decade and its cost me my family, home and nearly my job (still up in the air at the moment).
Ive just turned 49 and am back at my Mums. My parents are my rock and I love them dearly. They have been one of the reasons i have made it to 150 days.
I was £50-70 a day, and never went more than a couple of days without.
It was a forced change into sobreity despite me thinking it wasnt at first.
Im maintaining though through my own choice.
Ive chosen abstinence as moderation is not for me.
My path so far…
I took every bit of help that was offered. Firstly i told my work, joined a recovery group for veterans and isolated myself to almost a recluse for 4 months.
The isolation and not leaving the house was a mistake, however the feelings of shame and guilt were too much for me at the time. Despite this ive muddled through.
My recovery capital has left me a bit emotionally vulnerable, but through the tools ive learnt im stronger.
On my path, ive learnt and accepted my addiction. Im learning to challenge my irrational beliefs and be more kind to myself.
Anyway, as we turn into spring from winter. My recovery is similar… it was all darkness, cold and isolation at first but now i see a light and feel the warmth.
Cocaine was not my enemy. My enemy was myself and my irrational beliefs and self negativity.
If anything, im trying my best to be kind to myself.
My group has shown me that addiction is isolation and recovery is connection.
Hope always remains.
Today i struggle and cant settle my mind, hence why ive turned up here. Cant sleep tonight as im worried about being on my own for 4 days. As stupid as it sounds but my mum has been with me every day and she goes away on holiday. I want to be able trust myself but this will be the first time with the keys to the kingdom if you like. I dont want to go back to that life.
I’ll finish now by saying…
My name is M and im very proud to be in recovery and abstinent.
