Ohhh hahahaha cool! Yeah I’ve never watched any Star trek… 🤦:see_no_evil:
that makes sense now, lol! Thanks! Maybe I should watch …
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What an awesome mindset you have now…glad to see you have your chin up. Sick drawing too 
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Thank you! I’m trying my hardest. I have bipolar1 and BPD and a host of other mental illnesses that make my mood stability a constant struggle, but taking things as they come and trying to hold zero expectations has been keeping me relatively afloat. 
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Wow extra kudos to you…I have enough trouble keeping my life together and I just have anxiety!
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Oh hey pals! I just got some notifications for this post so I spose I’ll give a little update! Life is still a very constant day to day struggle, but today I feel alright! Still seeing my rehab sweetie, though things are still a little uncertain but alas, such is the entirety of my life right now so I’m just enjoying and holding on to the small joys I find while I have them. My next court date is the 23rd. Confident we can reduce my charges so wish me luck there. I’ll have 6 months clean and sober on the 17th, and that’s bittersweet (but I’m looking forward to my keytag 
)
Surviving, not sure if I’m thriving. Hope you all are well.
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That’s the spirit! Congratulations on your 6 months, but especially on keeping it real & staying focused on the here and now. That’s all we have right? Keep it up 
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I’d say you’re thriving
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Struggling, my friends. I’m doing all that I can to stay busy but it’s hard to shake the sinking feeling in my stomach. I went to outpatient, I hit a meeting and now I’m waiting to see my therapist. The reading today was about facing yourself. Obviously my last coping mechanism for pain was to drink and use, and having to navigate that sans substances is new but I know if I was fucked up I would be in a much worse place than I am now. I just don’t really know how to feel okay on my own and I’m in an immense amount of pain. I’ve reached out to a few friends and I’ll have company tomorrow, but my immediate impulse for today is to just take a bunch of Benadryl and put myself to bed for the rest of the evening. I feel needy and useless.
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Ik what you mean I don’t know what to do with myself I’ve always drank or particularly smoked when stress came or I was depressed and now idk what to do and I’m really stressed with a new job a good one and depressed cause life’s boring.i just pray and I get through but it’s so hard idk your name but I’ll pray for you keep your head up
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You can call me Knives, and I will gladly accept some prayers. I guess all we can do is get through it right? Sending strength your way as well.
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Thanks knives much luv
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You have my prayers too Knives 
I hear you and I see your struggle. Life can be such a roller coaster sometimes. Why? I don’t know. But I have to believe there’s a value to it.
The seed doesn’t get to choose what soil it lands in. It just has to grow. And it is beautiful. Whether it’s a big tree or a scrappy tree taking it day by day; whether it’s an oak or a weeping willow - the tree is itself, present, and growing.
You are the tree Knives. Some days you are the oak; some days you are the weeping willow. Either way, you are a precious, unique part of the garden.
Thank you for being here 
Take care sister, and never believe you are not precious, never believe you are not valuable and valued.
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Everpresent trauma and the nag of grief, mired in uncertainty and limbo with the newly added touch of abandonment, betrayal and heartbreak almost led me back to the bottle today. They keep the little shooters right next to the card machine at the checkout, right in arms reach and just easy enough to grab a couple on second thought. I wanted to so badly I left the store with my hands shaking. I hurt so fucking horribly my first impulse wanted to grab the bottles. But I didn’t. I came home and sat with the worst cravings I’ve had yet and cried and wrote about it, and I’m feeling a bit better.
While I was cleaning my nightstand drawer yesterday I found a used foil. That with what I’m feeling has triggered an incredible urge to use, but I know in my heart of hearts that using or drinking isn’t going to help anything. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to though, and I’m struggling.
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Hang in there and give it time. I noticed on your cicada art that you had astrology symbols, so I’m going to take a wild guess and say that it’s a subject of interest for you.
Right now there is a really difficult energy astrologically, especially emotionally. That could be heightening what you’re already feeling. You made really good decisions even though you were really tempted and even though it all feels like it’s too much right now.
Hang in there. It will get better. I know it’s kind of cliché to say that, but it will. It really will. You can do this. You definitely can do this.
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Hang in there Knives. You are not a slave to your feelings or impulses. You are their master.
You are in control. You choose what you do. You choose to ask for help. You did the right thing sister 
Take care. Do something that settles you. The thought will pass; you will be at peace soon.
What are you doing for you!?
Lately it’s just doing little things like putting my laundry away and keeping my space clean. That’s a pretty big struggle for me, but having a nicer environment makes me feel less chaotic. I’m journaling and making art and reading as much as I can. Therapy and meds. Just trying to stay present.
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That’s awesome! What about specifically for you? Are you able to spoil yourself?
Doing home tidying and putting away laundry is a pretty massive achievement when depression comes. Well done! Even having a shower is such an ask that I usually can’t when I’m at my lows.
Money is a struggle for me because I have two mindsets: I’m going to prison soon why shouldn’t I spend it all on myself? And: I’m going to prison soon and I’ll need all I can get when I’m out.
I am treating myself to a new tattoo soon though and I’m very excited about that.