Hi, I’m a recovering alcoholic and my name is Lauren👋🏼

Wow. That’s the first time that I’ve actually said that aloud (I said it while I typed it- and that’s a step!). I was always afraid of alcohol as a child, father is an alcoholic and was abusive, and there is a high percentage of “functioning” alcoholics in my family. As I grew up and started drinking later in life, I became increasingly uncomfortable w my relationship w alcohol but justified it bc I didn’t drink everyday but was unable to predict when I would be fine drinking and when it would be a disaster. Fast forward to present day and I found this app/site.
I thank the people on this site that have been so honest by discussing the mind games we play, and continue to lose, with ourselves and question, “am I really an alcoholic?” or is it just me “messing w my mind”. Welcome to every alcoholic’s favorite game, The Second Guessing Yourself Gameshow, where everyone wins a relapse!
This just happened to me and I fell for the “I’ll
Just have 1-2”… on an empty stomach… and a triggering/high stakes emotional day… and then the demons came. I had a relapse and put myself in a precarious position that I would have never done if I were sober. I even caught myself telling myself that it wasn’t so bad bc I didn’t black out and remembered. If that has become my likert scale of rating a good vs bad drinking experience then yes, I have a problematic relationship w alcohol and therefore am a recovering alcoholic.
I’m so happy that I found this forum and am actually crying as I write this. I went sober after splitting from my daughters father about 4 years ago bc I knew I would slip super hard (and fast) down that slippery slope. I was sober for 2yrs and thought I was ready and in a better mental space and tried drinking again.
Here we are about 2.5yrs later and I’ve gone back and forth w intermittent spurts of trying sobriety and falling victim to the mind games. Overall- I never end up liking the person i become and the choices I make, but the worst of it all is the embarrassment I feel inside for myself. I’ve been lucky to not have to suffer from any public embarrassment or any serious consequences, but as I’m sure u may unfortunately know, the mirror test does it for me every time. If I can’t look myself in the eye in the mirror then what am I doing? Who am I and who do I want to be?

I want to be the best me for her.

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Hi Lauren!

Welcome! This place has been a huge help in my recovery tool box.

I relapsed with quite a bit of continuous sobriety too. I thought I had it all figured out. I would drink like a gentle man.

I did a few times but it didnt last long. Im alcoholic. One is to many a thousand isnt enough. I made many attempts at quitting again but I had a really hard time committing to recovery again. I made it alot harder than it had to be. Im pretty good at that.

This place is 24/7 which I love!

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Hey Lauren.
Welcome to this great community. I’ve gotten a lot of support here from a lot of wonderful people that are all just trying not to take that first drink. The most important one.
Great job admitting you’re an alcoholic. And your right, it is a huge step. It sounds like you got a lot to be grateful for when you are sober. I know I do. I find gratitude to be one of my strongest tools. I do my gratitude list here Daily Gratitude List #3
every morning. It’s a great way to start my day. Come check us out if your interested. Have a good read around and join in when your comfortable.
I hope to see you around.
:pray:t2::heart:

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Welcome to the site!

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Welcome on board Lauren :heart_decoration::heart_decoration:

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Hi Lauren, I just wanted to say that I found your post inspirational because it in some way mirrors my own. I can go sober for a while and then tell myself that I’ll just have a glass of wine with dinner. Next thing I know, it’s 2 am, I’ve spent the whole night drinking, and I’ve to get up at 6 am for work. I’ve decided to go sober for the long haul now, and stories like yours make each day a little easier. Thank you.

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Welcome! Wanting something different and then acting on it will lead you down a path that you will not regret.

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We’re in this together hun- I’m so happy to have found a community I can come to <3

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Hi @LMolier1124 (Lauren),

Welcome, so glad you found this community…it’s truly a great group of folks who know your walk, who can provide insight, support, and are there to help pull you through.

So much of your story is mine…alcoholic father, functioning alcoholic family members…I would wind up being included in the latter group; until I had to many non-functioning moments. I would acknowledge the problem, swear “never again”…until the next time, and then the next.

Then finally I knew…this is not going to be an easy fix…ever. I might be able to pull off so called “normal” drinking for a short time, but ultimately I know I’ll slip right on back down the hole of emotional darkness, and lose everything that’s worth anything.

It’s not going to be easy, but nothing worth anything is, so we work, we dig deep, and we lean in with with everything we got.

The positive…we don’t dig alone. We have each other. We hold on too that with both hands, and give thanks for every sober day…every sober night!

We’re worth this fight, and together making it through is real!

So thankful your here for your little one…so thankful your here fighting for you!

Be Blessed my friend! I look forward to seeing you…chatting with ya.

No matter what; stay the course…it’s worth it!

:sun_with_face::dizzy::blue_heart:

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Hi Lauren welcome here,
This app and the people in it helped me a lot to get sober. Put the effort in it and that energy returns to you.
I was here every day of my recovery the first year. Now I have a longer stretch I’m still here a lot, because it helps!
My story short:
Start drinking when I was 17 ore so (on parties and not much)
Start drinking more in my student days.
Drinking to much and almost every day when my relationship ended and I started a new live in my new home and with a new job as well. Had my share of black outs, shame, etc
Quit drinking when I was around 44 years old and stayed sober for 5 years.
Then thought I was “cured” and could drink moderate. Did that for a few weeks and then returned to the old ways…Drank for more then a year.
Found this app and quit again, almost 3 years sober now.

See you around! 🙋

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Welcome Lauren!

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Hi @LMolier1124 , welcome to the family :pray:t2::two_hearts:

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Welcome. I’m new here too. I see myself in you. I’ve played those same mind games with myself my whole life. I had to do the mirror thing finally 5 days ago and really take a hard look at myself and admit that I’m an actual alcoholic. Alcoholism runs in my family. I always knew it but always told myself… that’s not me. But I’m highly functioning. I graduated from college. I had a very successful career in corporate big box business. I’m still successful in The career I moved to about 6 years ago and do well for myself but the entire time… I’ve been a pretty hardcore alcoholic. Drank no less than a pint of vodka every single day. I’ve been successful but I’ve damaged relationships. That’s the worst thing. I’ve also done and said things that I’m not proud of. I’m now 5 days in and I hope to keep going. This place has helped me tremendously. The scary thing is it’s so easy to hide.

Keep up the good fight!!

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@MolotovMoxie Its terrifying that it can be hidden so well…until it’s not, and chaos ensues!

What’s even scarier is how socially acceptable it is to poison ourselves…how embraced alcohol is in society.

I’m so glad you’re here with us!

:sun_with_face::dizzy::blue_heart:

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5 days today for me too sis! Thanks for sharing ur story too, it really does make it easier for me to deal w the label when I hear others bravery. @Buts u are so right dude, I was totally tricking myself into the facade that I was “cured” too. Unfortunately that’s never going o be an outcome for us and I know that now. Thank you all so much for ur welcomes and support and I def will be here checking in everyday. It holds me accountable and gives me the support I actually need. I really can’t do it alone and I feel so relieved to have found people like u guys who are in the same boat. Paddles up everyone :canoe:

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@LMolier1124 welcome to the beginning of your new life! This place is awesome. Read and post often. Some of the folks commenting on this thread are some of the best here! Reach out if you need to everyone is here for you! Best of luck and keep up the good work! :muscle::metal::pray::fire:

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Welcome Lauren :smiley:

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Howdy :cowboy_hat_face: (1st Accountability Check In Here)
So far so good y’all, especially with this crazy, emotional week (this week is always mega rough on me, my ex’s bday on the 23rd, our wedding anniversary on the 24th, and my daughter’s bday today! Big six- 2 hand status​:raised_hand_with_fingers_splayed:t3::point_up:t3:), but I gotta say, I’m prouder of myself this year and reflecting back on last year at this time, I wish I would’ve made this decision then, would’ve deffffffffinitely saved me a few regrets… I always end up becoming emotionally unstable this time of year and get upset that I may not be meeting my expectations in certain familial areas of my life. Even going away on vacation w my little bday girl last week (we always go away that week, just she and I) is triggering Bc u never really see many single moms (and parents) out on their own in Disney and universal and the likes of those sort, and I become hyper aware and insecure about it at times). But- despite all this, I kept saying my mantra in my head (I do it for her) and admitting to myself that I AM a recovering alcoholic on the path to recovery.
But yes, as cliched and basic it sounds- it’s :100: true, I AM stronger than I was the year before, and I intend to keep it that way​:relaxed:
^with the help of u amazing and inspiring and savagely honest people💓

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Glad to know there are others here with periods of sobriety and like you I thought I was cured and it led to a 15 year downward spiral that ended5 days ago. I’m grateful to be here and grateful for my sobriety and this community❤️

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Welcome here Katie! 🙋
Well done for the 5 days! :tada: