Hi, I'm back

Saturday night I had a wonderful day with my boyfriend but got the urge to drink and couldn’t shake it. I picked up some light beer because “beer is okay” but I drank the whole pack and took an Uber to the casino.

I don’t remember getting back, but I was asked to leave. I’d drank even more there. Don’t remember getting back.

Woke up to vomit on the floor.

I laid in bed all yesterday sick as a dog. My boyfriend doesn’t know. I feel awful not telling him.

I’m so paranoid that I threw up in the apartment lobby or the cab coming back. But I guess way worse could happen and has before.

This was my first blackout in a year. I’ve had so much trouble admitting I’m an alcoholic. I’d hear people say they are sober and don’t drink, I’d scoff and say I could control it. Nope.

I know the hangxiety will pass and I redubbed to forums like this so I can help others with my experience. I’m too old for this nonsense and don’t need this drama in my life.

Thank you.


Welcome back. It’s difficult to get sober (in the beginning) but it’s a hell of a lot easier than living in anxiety and regret. You can do this, you deserve a sober, happy, healthy life.


I’m sorry you had this experience, again. Blacking out was my thing. It’s crazy to think you can still function like that and not remember a thing. I learned it’s actually because your brain is so impared it’s unable to even create new memories.

Believing it’s possible to control your drinking is such a hindrance we’ve all danced with. Some longer than others (I’m talking to myself here too). I learned I had to tell myself NO. Constantly. Remind yourself that you cannot drink responsibly. It’s not in the cards for us. It does get easier 🩷


Thank you. I’m scared to death something happened, I’ll get a court summons in the mail, or the cab company will charge me to clean or something.

I’ve had this paranoia before and it lasts a while. Then I forget about it. That’s when my guard comes down.

I’ve woken up in the hospital before.

Why I think I can drink safely is beyond me. Thanks for the support.


Last time I blacked out, sometime last summer, seemed like a normal night, and I knew I drove to pick up more booze at some point.

Months went by and my insurance agency called one day asking about an accident and court suit against a hospital, on that date. I was freaking out that I left the scene of a hit and run and it was recorded or something, but my car was fine. After 20 minutes on the phone, it turned out to be some lady with my name, insurance, and lived near by, but a different birthday.

But damn was I scared. It could’ve been me. Any day of the week. Terrifying that I drove like that. A LOT.

Remember that paranoia when that voice pops into your head saying it’s not that bad. It will be. Keep checking in :+1:


Oh my gosh. I’d have been shaking for hours. But you’re right, that could be any one of us. When I lived in Chicago there was a news story of some guy that pushed someone onto the train tracks in a blackout. He got three years in prison and didn’t remember a thing.

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Welcome back @Apotheosis, sorry to hear about your relapse but it’s good having you here. Your post is a great reminder to all of us. Hope you’re getting better by now.
Keep on checking in and take it one day at a time.
With not drinking we don’t lose the " fun" of alcohol we gain a much better life, free and sober from that poison!

What do you mean by your boyfriend doesn’t know?
You said you had a great night with your boyfriend but he doesn’t know what happened afterwards? Sounds strange to me.
I think you should have an honest talk with him at some point.
Take it one day at a time.
All the best to you!

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