Hi. As it states. I am Jessica. I am currently 14.35 days clean of heroin according to this app. I am really struggling with cravings and now my underlying anxiety issue. My clean date is 11.7.20.
I’m so proud of myself but I am also so frustrated because I am struggling so much since leaving detox. I wanted to go into rehab but absolutely no one will take me with my health issues. It was a 100 steps back moment for me as I was dead set. I am now waiting on my outpatient appt Monday where my previous MAT doc is pushing Suboxone down my throat. As I am clean clean Suboxone will only be possible if I have an opiate tolerance. I’m not willing to go back down that road. I’m finding it hard to find joey in absolutely anything including spending time with my children. Well child. My oldest has set some very reasonable boundaries for me right now which I am accepting. I seem to be having these deeply intense cravings which lead to all out panic attacks because I am fighting them so hard.
Is there anyone out there struggling like me? I want this so bad. But I also am an addict. Forever will be. I hate myself that I still miss that feeling. The calm sense that took over for me. Please tell me this gets easier. My longest clean time was 8 months with Suboxone.