Hi. Please give me some pointers. 2 days sober

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So I decided to look for an app to help me on my journey. There were quite a few. I picked one blindly and wow! I am so impressed. I thought it was just going to help me count days and spew motivational quotes. This is so much more! So grateful that I found TS.

I never considered myself an alcoholic until a few people recently said I drank a lot. I knew it deep down but I didn’t realise others were watching me. Also, my son started giving me glasses of wine instead of cups of tea in the evening. I feel ashamed. Now looking back I can see clearly what was happening. Embarrassing. I am so embarrassed I cringe at some of those moments. I just never knew when to stop and even drank a bottle of wine per night alone at times! Then I had to scramble for work in the mornings. I bought a house that needs renovating. Needless to say I haven’t started the renovations.

My partner has a huge wine cellar. I live with him half the time and he asks me to choose the wine for lunch, dinner etc. I haven’t seen him since I have decided to become sober. 2 days. He’s travelling for work. I know he won’t appreciate me becoming sober. He had a fit when I mentioned it once before when I thought about becoming a teetotaler. He said he bought cases of my favourite wines and what would he do with them for God’s sake. I would love him to be supportive of me. I don’t know how I am going to fare with wine and champagne all around me when I go on Friday. And we have invitations to 2 parties on the weekend. It is Wednesday today and I have to deal with today first.

Any advice at all would be beneficial. Thank you for reading such a long post.

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You have to think about yourself here. If your partner gets upset because you have decided that you want to change your life, then are they the person you want to be with?
Have a good read around on here. Search up any questions you may have using the magnifying glass. I can pretty much guarantee that your question has been asked before.
I would also think twice about going anywhere where alcohol is at least until you are sure that saying “no thanks, I’ll have a orange juice” is normal for you.
You may feel this now, but come the weekend and you partner coming home, you may well be thinking " oh I’m alright, what was I worried about" and drink.
Stick around on here

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First and foremost you need to remember that you need to look out for yourself. Staying sober isn’t something any loved one should make you feel guilty about , I’m sure you love your partner and maybe they don’t understand exactly why you feel the need to stay sober. Sit down and talk with him , communication with our lives ones is very important during recovery. Also try to hit up a meeting and surround yourself with fellow addicts who are also recovering. I can tell you the best thing I did was join AA and following the 12 steps , it saved my life. Try to avoid people , places and things that might cause you to use. I commend you and congratulate you on making the difficulty choice of choosing sobreity …it’s not an easy road but I can tell you that it’s worth the work :wink: 9 months I’ve been sober and haven’t felt more free and happy . Best of luck to you .

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Thank you. Yes, I texted him this morning and said I have important news to discuss this weekend. He asked what it is about. I just said exciting decision about my becoming sober and that we’ll have time to talk this weekend in length about it. He ignored it and replied on another subject entirely. I just wanted to plant the seed so as to give him time to reflect.

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Thank you so much. Yes, I’ll look for an AA meeting. I live in France but have seen that there is something quite near me. Thanks.

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Welcome! I read this book, " the unexpected joy of being sober" by Catherine Gray, it’s amazing and really helped in my first week. I totally agree you need to put YOU first especially being a mom. “If you can’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else”. This is not about being selfish either, it’s making yourself better, stronger and healthier not only for you but for loved ones around you. The journey is worth it! :blush:

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Welcome @Epiphany to this wonderful forum. This forum is a great tool for sobriety.

If I were you I’d not go to the parties, it’s almost a guaranteed relapse if you go.

Also, you need to prioritize. If your partner doesn’t support you, then what is more important? Life or love?

I recommend you to check in daily to maintain focus

You’ll have a lot of spare time now. Therefore I recommend finding some new hobbies like playing with your son, walking, jogging, yoga, cycling, drawing, reading a book, writing, swimming, etc… There are so many possibilities.

I also recommend practising mindfulness. It helps with keeping your mind off drinking. It also helps with obtaining peace in your mind.

This one is a tat odd, but I also recommend giving your addiction a name. That way you know who you are fighting and you will have more awareness of your addiction.

Reading on this forum a lot and asking things on here is also very useful since it helps you maintain focus on recovery.

Thinking about not drinking for the rest of your life is a terrifying thought. Thinking I won’t drink just for today and tomorrow is another day is much better.

Your mind is a dick. It will do anything it takes to kill you through addiction. It will tell you that you can drink just once, it will always be there to kill you, especially when life is good. When life is good you’re not as focused on addiction anymore so than it’s the easiest time for addiction to creep in.

you can never drink just one. It will be more than one. If you have been sober for a long while and you relapse, it can kill you. So never ever think you can drink just once. NEVER

If you have cravings, play the tape. Think for yourself, what will happen if I relapse?
Will I be dancing filled with joy or hate yourself, feel guilt and shame? I think we both know the answer.

I hope this helps you. Good luck on your journey, you’ve got this :+1: :smiley:

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I’ve been sober for five years and ten months now. I would not be at this point— I would not have been able to remain sober in the beginning if I continued to hang out with my drinking friends. For the first six months I took myself out of circulation in order to avoid my old drinking life and culture. I would not have lasted otherwise. The amount of pressure that some people will apply to keep you drinking with them is startling and hard to overcome. Becoming sober definitely altered some of my relationships. I learned who my real friends are: I lost the drinking buddies but my real friends remain.

When I was drinking, I remember waking up regularly hungover and consumed with guilt and shame. It is lovely not to feel that way anymore.

Remember the low points and use those to motivate you.

This is about you.

Congratulations on your decision and your new beginning.

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Not sure why I am crying at reading your answer @anon89207786. Thank you for the pointers.

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I read that I should keep the forum tidy and to click ‘,like’ rather than some short phrase such as I agree. BUT I am so grateful to all of you who have taken time to give me advice. Thank you. I am so grateful for all that because I am obviously going to try everything you say. I admire you all and I want to be like you : “it’s been 6 months, or 6 years…”. It seems daunting when I think about but I’m looking at my feet right now and taking your advice. I have to go now but I’ll come and peruse the site this evening. Thank you all.:hibiscus::hibiscus:

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You’ll get there one day at a time

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And I wouldn’t worry too much about short messages, happens all the time.

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If he loves you he will support you being sober. It’s that simple.

Love requires thinking of the other person’s well being. Often, love requires us to change our routines and adjust our lives. We do this out of love and though sometimes we don’t see it clearly at first it is best in the long run.

It’s not worth dying day by day just to keep him happy about the wine he purchased. Imagine you developed a peanut allergy and he had a cellar of peanut butter. Would he hesitate to get rid of it? It’s the same thing.

Take care love and remember - you’re a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where she can be her full self. You matter. Your life matters. And you don’t have to make compromises for your health and safety :innocent:

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Welcome!! I know it can be challenging when our partner is not aligned with our desire to get sober. It is an adjustment for both people. He may not understand or support you now, but if you can sit down and honestly discuss why this is important and necessary for you, with time he may understand.

For myself, we also had lots of my favorite wines here when I stopped drinking. We gave them to friends. I did not want or need them in the house. We still, 3+ years later, do not keep any wine here (there is beer and hard liquor, my husband still drinks).

In all honesty, I had to keep my focus on ME in my early days of sobriety. I had to avoid my husband when he was drinking (going for walks, going to bed, watching movies, reading, taking a bath)…anything to not be around him drinking. We had many discussions. It was very difficult for both of us, but I learned that my #1 priority was my sobriety. It took so much focus in early sobriety and less now, as it is who I am (a non drinker).

He may or may not understand or support you right away. It may take time. Try to keep in mind what is most important, you becoming healthy and whole. Hopefully you can grow together through this.

And do not worry about short replies, we do it all the time. :heart:

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Sobriety is simple: say “no” to the drink that matters…the first drink. Say “no” to the hardest person to say “no” to…yourself.

Simple, but not easy.

I live in a wine producing region. Wineries and tasting rooms abound. We have a rack full of wine, that my wife and her parents (who live with us) drink in a normal, moderate fashion.

While they were nothing short of totally supportive when I quit, my sobriety isn’t about them. It’s about me. I have to say “no”…to myself.

Doesn’t matter how much wine is in my house, or how many wineries surround me. I won’t drink because I don’t drink. I became a non-drinker.

It was difficult at first, because everything is difficult at first. It takes a desire to be better. Decide. Do. The more you do, the better you become. The weight of it doesn’t get lighter. You get stronger.

Welcome. I am glad you are here, and hope you will stay, share, learn, and get better at getting better.

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Peanut allergy allegory!:joy::joy:so true

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It’s hard to focus on ME when I have been focusing on kids for years. It’s really helpful to know that you also had the same kind of issues. I no longer feel alone. It’s incredible. I literally feel like I can fly.

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Your reply really hit home : my sobriety is my responsibility. Thanks. I can control my weight so easily even going for months eating the bare minimum and I can stay all day and night in an exercise room and I run. It may sound strange but I have been able to keep up that stuff alongside drinking. I have so much control over that BUT I need to be able to say “no” to me and to others when it comes to a drink, the pub, an aperitif etc etc I need to be in control of that too. You are so right. Here I go!

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Ah kids, they do keep us busy and not self focused! I remember those years!! I also remember how once my daughter was out of the house my drinking took right off and I also wondered who am I now that I am not mothering 24/7. Big stuff.

You are definitely not alone. I hope you will continue to take care of YOU. :heart:

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I understand. I am an extremely self-disciplined person. Retired US Marine. But drinking was something I couldn’t control. Moderating meant running out of alcohol before I was passed out.

So the only control I have is whether or not I drink. I was losing the fight, until I chose to never drink again. I can attest to this being one of the most freeing moments in my life.

Once initial withdrawal is done,.sobriety is 100% a mental fight, and your opponent isn’t alcohol. Your opponent is you, or rather that part of your being that wants what will ultimately destroy you.

This part is cunning, devious, and persuasive. It will use F.U.D. (fear, uncertainty, doubt) to convince you that booze is your friend. You can have “just one”. You don’t mean “forever”.

I know, because my opponent said the same things. It even appealed to my patriotism: “you served your country in wartime. You’ve EARNED the right to drink.”

I was getting my mental butt kicked every time I said “yes, I will have one drink”. Once I said “no, and I mean forever…” I became free. Never again. No retreat. No surrender.

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