I’m 3 weeks sober today but I still haven’t told my family, who I am very close with. So far I’ve gotten by with just having Coca-Cola in front of them and only staying for one drink so they think I just don’t have time to drink. I have got some weird remarks on me not ordering beer when we are out together but because my family knows I love Coca-Cola they aren’t too suspicious as long as I leave after the first Coca-Cola.
This weekend was different though, I went away to a cottage with my twin brother and the entire time I hid that I was sober. I drank nonalcoholic beer and nonalcoholic spirits to make mocktails so he didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. Plus he was too drunk to probably realize that I wasn’t acting how I normally do when I’m drunk (loud, emotional, argumentative etc.)
Part of me is happy that I tricked him and don’t have to have that talk with him yet but I also feel a little trapped and bad for lying. I don’t want to lie to my family or trick them but I am worried that they, especially my parents, will feel guilty and responsible that my alcohol abuse is so bad that it’s brought me to the point I have to get sober. I dont want my family to feel bad for integrating drinking into my life so much and i dont want them to treat me differently, or worse- not have faith that I will stay sober. I’m also afraid they wont invite me to family get togethers at our local watering hole or game nights where tequila and beer are the only drinks being drank, and as much as i dont really want to be around heavy drinkers like my family right now, my family is very important to me and i dont want to weaken my relationships.
I know I need to tell them eventually, but does anyone have any advice on how to have that conversation or when to have it? It might sound like I’m overthinking the whole thing but alcohol is very important in my family and I know this will be a big deal. Part of me wants to just keep tricking them until I get caught.
First off, great job on your sobriety thus far. Keep getting better at getting better!
Now, how to “come out” of the sobriety “closet”…
Not telling them is not being dishonest, so don’t feel guilty. You’ve made a personal decision to sever your relationship with alcohol. Imagine that every time you consumed dairy, you had a negative reaction, which affected more than just your GI tract. You spent the next day in pain, unable to work, etc. Would you feel guilty for declining the opportunity to eat a big bowl of icecream or pass on the cheese fondue? No. Nor would you likely hide it from your family and friends.
As far as their feeling “guilty” for your unhealthy relationship with alcohol, or even for continuing to drink, maybe give them some more credit.
When I quit, my wife offered to hide the wine. I told her it wasn’t necessary. I know where the store is, and if I choose to drink, I can go get some. But I am responsible for my sobriety. She can support me with encouragement, understanding, and by not changing her life, by “quitting” out of guilt or solidarity. She has a perfectly normal relationship with alcohol: an occasional glass of wine or cocktail when we go out, or a rare glass at home. No need for her to change. I’m the only one who needed to change.
Hope this helps. Press on, regardless. If you stay sober, it’ll all work out.
Flip the script! It’s not a story of how “bad” the alcohol abuse is, it’s about what a great job you are doing of taking best care of yourself. You are excited to be freeing yourself and trying new things.
Alcohol does not get to define you or your family relationships. You are simply on a new chapter where you have left alcohol behind. You love your family and they love you. If anyone wants to join you in that journey, well that is great. If they want to continue their experiences with alcohol, that’s fine too. It doesn’t have to impact you.
I like to see people embrace their sobriety as much as they can.
Something to be proud of and it is a great accomplishment.
Never anything to not be proud of for whatever the reasons are that you quit.
It could be you just decided you wanted to quit. You no longer wanted it.
There doesn’t have to be a huge problem there, there doesn’t have to be anything you explain, you can explain if you wish, and explanations aren’t necessary.
Simply saying that you like your life better as a non-drinker and you want to live your life as a non-drinker.
Keeping it hidden because you don’t want to have the conversations with them.
If you feel like the conversations could be triggering to you, Then that’s fine to keep it hidden.
You’re not really hiding it, you’re not drinking in front of them and They are not really even noticing.
A lot of times it’s good to get very stable in your sobriety before you start getting questioned about it, Having to explain it, and possibly having scenarios pop up where you feel like you’re being judged because you’re not drinking.
It will all work itself out. One day at a time on it. Always feel pride in yourself for not drinking.
You have your reasons that you don’t want to drink. Respect them and expect others to respect them also.
Should they not that’s not your problem.
I’m proud of you
I hate how our society is so around people drinking. Drinking behavior. And how it’s so accepted as the right thing to do.