Why am I still here, barely showing up, but I’m still ok??
I relied on allll of you, this App was my Life Line for my first 3 months.
Now, I feel guilty if I don’t have a crisis or even check in.
I got busy doing things that didn’t involve " being here"
… and yet I struggle every single day.
My pride says ‘Im fixed’ … my soul ’ knows better’ and my heart ’ misses you all’ …
My addictive personally says ’ I can’t rely on anyone’ …
and to move on/away from the comfort I feel here.
Conundrum for sure
Don’t ever think that any of you don’t matter to me and please know how much I appreciate and needed your comfort, kind words and encouragement. So much Love for ya’ll 
Do I deserve it? I’m ok. I don’t know how to do for others what you have done for me.
I don’t want to be chained to an App.
Hi Chuckie… the app helped you … and you know it’s always here for you with support and people who care for you and your well being.
No reason for you to feel guilty.
Just know that if you need help the help is here. And that for many interaction on the forum is a good tool for them.
Best wishes and hugs to you.
Dearest Charlie…you come and go as you please here…i do warn against thinking your are fixed though and that you can go it alone if you do need support…hell if im ‘chained’ to an App that gives me access to love and support from people who understand addiction then chain me up!! Its not the app its the people
It’s more important you are still sober than getting lost in your own mind about how active you are on TS or not…
First of all, I love that you shared how you are feeling and what you are thinking on the matter. I can relate, I have felt like that before. There are days when I find it utterly annoying to check in here and I get bored. But I do anyway, because it has proven to keep me safe for the past 2.5 years. While I sometimes wonder whether I’d be ‘healed’ enough to walk on my own, I am quickly reminded that thoughts like this brought me here in the first place. I cannot do it on my own. And I vowed to myself I wouldn’t fall back into that pattern. It’s ok to be past the initial drama and in fact it’s great to be able to check in without bruises, hospitals, car wrecks and such. It’s a good thing, remember that. Most of the days I am just grateful I get to read stuff I don’t have to live in anymore and sprinkle hearts and likes here and there. You do what keeps you safe. Whatever that may be.
Thanks again for bringing that up. I do think it’s important to adress doubts as well and find a way to deal with it. Love from Europe 
Hi Charlie - first let me say that you have helped me by sharing your various struggles and eventual success with sobriety. One reason my pal and I disbanded our local AA meeting was that there was no-one new showing up. Just a few old men repeating the same stories in the same words every week. One reason I stay involved with Talking Sober is the constant flow of newcomers and the rich variety of people’s lives that are shared here.
Between the title of your post and your comment that you “feel guilty if I don’t have a crisis”, you seem to echo the thinking I had when I was drinking, about what my experience of life ought to be. I used to be really confused, for example, by the difference between happiness and hilarity. If the situation was not hilarious, I would not think it was fun or that I was happy.
It’s not unusual for me as an addict to crave chaos and high drama. The longer I stick around, the more I’m shown about how to live serenely, content to recognize the Divine that is all around me and within me at anytime.
For about 8 years or so, in sobriety, I was an amateur triathlete. I participated in more and more races, up to 3 each summer, of longer and longer distances. I was building up to a Half Ironman effort when I was struck by injury two years ago. During my racing and training, I had to change my thinking. I started with dreams of winning. I keep the moment when I finished second in my age class as a special memory, particularly remembering that there were only three men in my age class for that race! I had to change my thinking, from dreams of victory, to the full appreciation of my ability to sweat and ache and strive and to finish what I started. In triathlon, if you finish, you truly are a winner. Like my Dad used used to say "If it was easy, everyone would do it ". I had to appreciate that I could move my body and work through pain and disappointment, that I could set and achieve goals, like swimming freestyle just to the next pylon before switching to breaststroke.
I can be serene in my sobriety also, if I choose that path.
You can feel however you want to feel about your sobriety and about Talking Sober. You get to choose today. No longer compelled to take a drink, you are free to think and feel just the way you want to.
Blessings on your house 
today.
You are all so amazing! Thank-you for your beautiful words and the grace you give me.
I will not leave, I am not “fixed” and YES … I am an alcoholic.
These last few weeks have been so busy for me that I found myself feeling pressured to be here and check in with ya’ll, I felt bad for not keeping up with all the threads.
Today I am taking my time to check in.
I would miss you all too much if I left. Plus … I love your support and wise words of wisdom.
The only pressure here is the pressure you are putting on yourself…ive felt similar about the daily check in thread…that i dont keep up with everyone but i cant…its too busy for me and so i have to know my limits…how ever you want to be here please know we are lucky to have you regardless xx
I think that’s the one. Because it means you can’t rely on yourself too. Or so your addicted mind thinks. When you feel you’re “bound to an app” find another place to feel the connection we all need (or so I am convinced). There’s no debt to this place in particular. You have to find what works for you. Which never is going it alone though. Wishing you all success on your journey wherever it may take you.
Hey Charlie –
honestly i have thought about you a lot lately and then think “man i haven’t seen her in a while” and then i see you post something or comment on something and i think “ok - life happens and at least she is here with us” You do brighten up the app for me and it makes me so happy to see you checking in but i totally get not wanting to be chained to the app.
You are missed when you are not around and your support is cherished. Just being here and sharing your journey is support for me and others on this app as we see that life is possible without our addictions. You do not need to check in everyday or every week – whatever works for you as this is your journey.
our addict minds try to play many games in trying to convince us that we are healed or that we don’t need support or … well the games are crazy and evolve as we grow stronger.
We are here for you and please do not feel pressure to lean on us but do know that you are welcome to lean anytime you need 
People come and go on this app. The best comings and goings are those who do the work, make use of the help here, and transition into a life that has a new normal where this app isn’t really needed anymore.
Some people stick around just for the community (or the cat pictures 
) and not becuase its something they need to, but many don’t. Both of these are okay.
Drop in and say hi whenever you want, there’s no obligation.
Edit: If you’re gone too long, someone is bound to tag you in the “you are missed” thread; at which point you are obligated to give us an update. 
(I’m just teasing)
Yassss on the cat thread! 
I appreciate that!!!
So … in my therapy I am dealing with a lot of " I don’t deserve good things"
My whole life I have believed “I don’t deserve” anything.
My life hasn’t been shit, it’s been pretty frickin’ cool actually.
I have never depended on or believed in anyone. I appear to be super social but am terrified of ever getting too close.I find reasons to not be liked. Is that self sabotage?
I loved the challenge of getting sober! Proud of it even but know it seems like nothing special. I have had a lot of people pull away from me ( FB wise, I don’t actually have any friends near me), it’s weird and lonely.
I love helping people but find it painful when I get left behind because I’m not “fun Charlie” for them anymore.
I’m trying hard to find my new way of living my sober life and sometimes I feel alienated, no one but you guys get that.
You do deserve good things! Don’t let the notion that you don’t flood your thoughts and beliefs. The negativity alone can consume you.
Glad you were able talk this out in therapy. I do hope you can start believing that you deserve the best. I know it doesn’t happen overnight but with positive affirmations and therapy you’ll be on the right track.
The people who have left your friend circle were never real friends and life is too short for anyone/ anything that isn’t authentic and true.
I can see light and life in your eyes and your smile. Fuck whoever says you aren’t fun. They don’t know what fun is.
I hope you are able to branch out in your area and possibly make new friends or aquaintnces that better fit in your lifestyle. I have noticed that my friend group has shrank drastically irl since I became sober. It did hurt but now I feel I’m better off. Here you are among friends and yes it’s a virtual friendship and that differs from irl friends but we are here for you and do understand the struggles of this journey.
You are kicking ass in living a great healthy sober life and the challenge is a lifelong one so keep up your amazing efforts 
Great, now everyone can know my secret
You caught me
That. No one gets me and my struggles like people here 
Hey Charlie, it’s good to see you and I totally and utterly hear you with that guilt thing when not checking in.
But you know what, I think there’s nothing to worry about. This forum is phenomenal. It provides entrance at all times but you’re not forced to step in. It doesn’t count your check ins or posts. This forum and the wonderful people here are always there.
I’m checking in almost daily, not every day but almost every. But I don’t post a lot, I’m mostly reading and spreading hearts because I am so proud of everyone who’s sharing here about struggles or success or even just random things. I appreciate those people sharing their journeys with us. I am not a writer indeed but I try to give back a little by just sending a like and leave some virtual positive energy to everyone’s post. Not literally everyone of course but you get the meaning
All I want to say is: it’s so good having you here Charlie. I’m with you from day one of your journey when you showed up at the selfie thread. I’m so proud of you and your journey and I’m so glad you are a part of my journey too.
So never feel pressured with this app. Just show up anytime you want.
In good times or bad times… Like Menno always says. We’re in this together!
Or like Jasmine said:
Thank you Jasmine for all the work you do to support us.
I can’t thank you enough.
Don’t feel bad for doing well man!
I remember in the first year of abstention, I used to feel really bad that I was doing ok whenever I saw one of my old mates!
i used to feel so guilty that I would give them money for drugs, it was a kind of “I cant take them so you do them for me” kind of thing.
it takes awhile but you will get past it!
ITS OK TO DO WELL!
I so appreciated your words. And I do “get it”!
Not sure why I feel bad for the people who have shunned me for doing better for myself. That’s a weird sentence hey?
Isn’t is awesome how virtual friends can grow to mean more than those we held and knew personally, convectively or grew up with. I have felt every one of them leave me.
This tribe … This Tribe … is for Life.
it is likely because, like me, you were told for years that you were a scum bag addict and normal people are better than you and NOW that you’ve turned YOURSELF around without the help of the so-called good people, you’ve seen the lie for what it is!
YOU are the truly good person and THEY are the scumbags! and that’s why you feel sorry for them.
their lying hypocrites who refuse to give people a second chance and they especially refuse to give a second chance to those who’ve truly earned their second chance like recovering addicts have!