I have been a highly functional alcoholic for twelve years, drinking roughly 2 liters (6 drinks) of beer per day, often more. There are basically no days without any drinking. I’ve told my family and closest friends but for some reason everyone tries to convince me that “surely it cannot be that bad”. Hate that, it hurts. Corona isolation makes it worse because I work from home and beer is only one step away. Am scared everyday of long term health issues and the harm I already did to my body after more than a decade of excessive alcohol consumption. But for whatever reason, I just cannot stop… it doesn’t even do a lot for me anymore due to acquired robustness against alcohol. My own weakness bothers me, and it bothers me thinking all the time about how I shouldn’t drink every single day just to drink again. My children see me drink beer all the time and I am ashamed. Thanks for listening. Tomorrow is a new day…
And tomorrow can be different if you are willing to try something different. I cannot control anyone or anything was the beginning in my brain. Accepting what I am (an alcoholic) was second. Talking about my feelings with others who suffer like me was freaking hard at first, now it makes me feel good inside. My best wishes for you and longtime sobriety.
people might assume “surely it cannot be that bad” but they might not realize the emotional and mental toll it’s taking on you, which clearly it is as you shared some of it in your post. but we here on the forum get it, and we fully support your decision to put the drink down.
lots of great things to read on here, browse around and see what’s been working for others and do some of that yourself.
Get blood tests done to check your health. That’s a good start. I made the mistake of doing that 5 years ago and my liver test turned out to be good. I used that as another excuse to keep drinking. Ha! I should’ve taken it as a blessing, but I didn’t.
You should give rehab a thought and going to an AA meeting. You know you have a problem regardless of the brush off you get from family and friends. It’s what you think is what matters.
Its been said, non alcoholics don’t get it. But we get it. It’s not meant to be hurtful when they says “it can’t be that bad.” They can drink heavy, drink little, or not drink at all. We can’t. If someone doesn’t personally experience this then it is ignorance that speaks. For a few it is fear that speaks. I had people question my decision to quit who drank much more than me, they spoke out of fear. I drank a loooot. But, come to find out later, a few people I used to know from the bars quit drinking as well. So it was all worth it.
I was extremely functional, on the outside. I have no idea how I managed it, but I did. Now I’ve been sober over 2 years and 9 months and I could care less how others feel. I did the right thing for me, which ended up being a huge improvement to to the people around me.
Thank you do much for your kind words. Four days later, failed four days. Some good days, some okay days, but always drunk at night, consistently like clockwork. Why, for what… for a small buzz? when going to bed I regret it, and when waking up I feel I can finally set myself free. That day, today. But I do not, I cannot yet. Why is this so unnecessarily hard? there is so little to gain yet so much to lose.
Then make the next day a success. Completely within your grasp. biggest mistake I ever made was always planning on quitting to drink and always leaving myself vulnerable to drink. If I had alcohol, I would drink it, no matter how bad I wanted to stop. Get rid of all the alcohol. Be determined that alcohol will never be an option again and start searching for the tools you need to help you remain sober. Read about the many different ways people remain sober on here, tons of useful information.
I’ve quit drinking twice in my lifetime. both times I had reached my emotional bottom and the only way I started putting some sober days together was to have zero alcohol available. First time took a trip to detox and then rehab for a month, that led to 18 months of sobriety, along with AA and a ton of soul searching. The next time I had to lock myself in a hotel room for 5 days and then I found this site. With the help of this site, what I learned in AA and determination I’ve got 141 days now. You can do this if you want to, not easy, but so worth it.
Sending some strength and good vibes your way. Good luck my friend.
You can get through it, it sounds like you want to. You’re not alone with have good days then bad days, one of my favorite rehab friends can only string a few days at a time still but she keeps trying and that’s what I’m proud of. So don’t beat yourself up too bad were human. I started trying to stop drinking 4 years ago and finally have 7 months under my belt.