The story about your niece is painful. I’m sorry you are going through that. That’s got to hurt.
My wife and I took custody of our nice when she was 13. Her parents never wanted her after they got busted dealing heroin. Even when they got out of jail and rehab. We took her in and it was hard work. At least your niece knows, maybe not today, but deep down somewhere, you want her. My niece never got that from anyone but us. Course my niece hated her mom and dad. Then all of a sudden her mom wanted to be in the picture. But my niece hated her. No way was she letting her into her life. Fast forward a number of years……They ended up living together I said WTF? She said “uncle, I just ran out of hate.” I’ll never forget that.
I don’t know. I’m just saying. You keep doing the wonderful thoughtful sober you. Doing the next right thing today. And you just never know. There will be pain and heart break. Being sober you can reason it out and feel it. And not make things worse.
Again. Sorry you got this horribleness in your life.
It’s always ok to be selfish to your recovery.
And that’s quite a burden trying to be happy 24/7 I know people say shit like you’re as happy as you want to be or we can decide to be happy. I think that’s bullshit! I learned to take care of myself and eventually I could “find,” happiness when my wife was drinking 24/7. But all the Al-Anon and AA meetings in the world couldn’t just make me be happy. And I realized I didn’t need to be.
I’ve gone on long enough……
You always strike me a a really cool person and I hate to see you suffering. And I’m just so happy you’re sober. That my friend. We have control over. We don’t pick up. It’s never an option for us.
Go check out a meeting. See what happens.
What do you got to loose.
Someone might congratulate you on your hundred ODAATs.
Congratulation on your 100 days… I am sorry your are feeling so bad. Sending your comfort and hoping this too shall pass. Sobriety is the best course of action.
Congratulations on 100 days of sobriety! I get like that too sometimes. It sucks I find that if i take baby steps to be productive, i sort of get in the groove after doing 1 or 2 activities and i get some momentum. Especially when it comes to working out. Sometimes i literally have to force myself to hit the gym. Even if its for a walk on the treadmill… its something Sending u positive vibes full of energy!
Go ahead and cry – I hope you did. I was a emotional wreck in my early months. Even during my second year it seemed that I was set to cry mode and the slightest thing would get the tears flowing. It actually felt so good to let it out. Maybe years of pain and pent up anger / whatever was finally finding its way out.
This time of year was always super drinking focused. I felt that the whole month was my birthday month and a huge party and of course I like most of us didn’t know how to party / have a good time without drinking. It is so much better to celebrate and enjoy the season sober. We will be right here for you doing the same thing. Lean on us if you find it getting hard. The first year is the hardest and knowing that makes it easier to get through
Well that would be hard on anyone cause life isn’t roses and sunshine all the time – that would be fucking boring. You got to feel the blah to enjoy the good. It is not selfish to look after you. You put your sobriety and your recovery first. Without it - you are no good to anyone.
I’m sorry to hear about your niece. I am sure it stings and hurts. Give it time. Sometimes these things take time to work themselves out. I’m sure that she knows how much you care for her and that she has a safe space with you if she so chose. Grateful that you had the strength and wisdom to leave the toxicity.
How did your day end up going? How are you feeling now?
Im in my bed watching a show with my cat. Feeling low. Feeling ugly. But alone in peace. Sometimes i dont know how to feel or how im supposed feel. A person who has lived through some shitty ass trauma … i just feel numb, food doesnt even excite me.
I am sorry you are feeling so low Julia! You are beautiful and are doing so well in your sobriety and should be proud of how far you have come in your journey (not just with not drinking but also with leaving your ex, finding your voice and learning to deal with your feeling head on… so much more but you get where i’m going).
I know the low points can feel comfy in a weird way. Like you don’t have the motivation to get out of that thinking / feeling space. Don’t let it take hold of you. Its ok to visit and rest there but as you are enjoying a evening with your cat think about ways to get yourself on a positive track for tomorrow. I allow myself to wallow and then try to make sure that i set up a path for myself so I have to climb out of it. We will be here right by your side so you are not in this alone.
Don’t worry about not being excited by food or feeling all happy and whatever else others expect. The excitement will reignite in you in time. You feel wat you feel and just know that you are doing an amazing job.
I’m here for you if you need to talk or vent or whatever. reach out at any time
I fricken love you lady. I hate that you’re feeling this way right now but don’t let it get too heavy. YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT PATH! It doesn’t come overnight and we all know that. There are always ugly moments in our growth, but at least they’re not as ugly as before. You keep rising above and it will pay off. You’re beautiful, love your vibe, and your character. I’m going to add you to my daily prayers. There’s goodness out there. I wish I was there to share it with you.
@jbaldwin84@JazzyS I wish we could group hug. both of you just made me tear up. You know i was really close to picking up some shots tonight. But i didnt … i came home, got in my onesie and crawled into bed and tried to relax … i didnt drink. Really thought about it …
You are going through the sickness of the mind stage… Cognitive Dissonance is the ability to fight two facts… One… you cannot drink under all and any circumstances… and the other is that you can one day drink again… This same thinking will make you feel isolated… like your efforts to stay clean are useless… your only friend can be a drink… call your sponsor and do as many meetings as possible until you feel better about staying sober again… your ability to think that the program is useless or you have it mastered is affecting your reality… Good Bless…
That’s amazing! Thanks for being inspiring. Even when you’re feeling down and sober, you’re still up when you consider the alternative. I am learning that everyday won’t be skittles and rainbows but theres still hope.
I said WTF? She said “uncle, I just ran out of hate.” I’ll never forget that.
I find that if i take baby steps to be productive, i sort of get in the groove after doing 1 or 2 activities and i get some momentum. Especially when it comes to working out. Sometimes i literally have to force myself to hit the gym. Even if its for a walk on the treadmill… its something 
Sending u positive vibes full of energy!
both of you just made me tear up. You know i was really close to picking up some shots tonight. But i didnt … i came home, got in my onesie and crawled into bed and tried to relax … i didnt drink. Really thought about it …
Thanks for being inspiring. Even when you’re feeling down and sober, you’re still up when you consider the alternative. I am learning that everyday won’t be skittles and rainbows but theres still hope.