Well…I’m back to day 1 again, and I am beating myself up for it. I was doing really well. I had a few slip ups but they never amounted to me getting drink or binging or anything like that. I was clear headed and was feeling optimistic about things.
This last week has been the week from hell though. I found out my boyfriend is 1.5 years was cheating on me for a solid year of that. The details and everything I found out rocked me to my core and right away I went to alcohol as my go to numbing agent. It’s been a week of heavy drinking, and feeling like a complete mess on so many levels. I’ve been crying myself to sleep every night, and my emotions feel like they are too much to handle soberly, yet everytime I try to drowned them out with alcohol, it just makes it so much worse. I’m tired of crying, tired of the break downs, tired of alcohol being my enemy and best friend. Today is day 1, took the day off work. I will be in my pjs on my couch all day, but I won’t be drinking.
Welcome back Samixx. I’m glad you’re here and it’s good to see you on day one and I’m sorry for the sh*t that happened in your life. I must say this though: in the context of this place, this place called Talking Sober, this gathering of addicts in various stages of Recovery, having a few slips here and there does not equal doing ‘really well’. Slips keep our addictions alive and kicking. I say this with all respect and love. I can never have not even one drink again and by now that’s totally fine with me. I feel liberated from the need to drink. By having one or two or a slip or whatever we will keep the demon alive in our heads. Or at least that’s my conviction. Again, I’m glad you’re here as we’re in this together and nobody can do it alone. Another conviction of mine. Wishing you all success on your journey.
Thanks for your words! I do see where you are coming from and what you’re saying. When I said really well I meant it in the context of where I was previously. I was waking up early, eating healthy, very physically active, thriving at work, seeing a therapist, and my mental health was in a great place. None of these things used to exist in my life before so, from a harm reduction stand point I felt like I was doing well.
Considering I have had this huge rough patch now, I am beating myself up majorly for that, I know that I still look to alcohol to get through bad times clearly, and I know that’s a big problem for me. I do agree having a community of people is a great place to start and have some support.
Glad you’re digging in your heels again and wanting to do life differently, Sami.
I cannot drink normally either. When I did, I was a low down dirty dude in all types of ways.
You’re better off without a person who can’t be honest/true with themselves or to you.
So glad you’re back with us!
Hey welcome back Sami Well there’s really no point in beating yourself up now, you did that all last week right. Time to probably cut yourself some slack, and start healing. We’re always gonna have stuff pop up in our lives that rock us, but like you already know it’s so much harder to deal with when we’re poisoning ourselves on top of it. Just stay connected here and go day by day.
Thank you for saying that . I think if I put as much effort into healing as I am into beating myself up right now, it could take me a very long way. You’re right, one day at a time.
Don’t beat yourself up
You’ll get it right eventually it just takes time Rome wasn’t built in a day
Just take it One Day at a Time and don’t sweat the hiccups
Glad you made it back. So sorry about all that emotional stress it can be a huge trigger. Don’t beat yourself up, Most of us have had slip ups. We fall then get back up and move forward and learn from the experience. Take day one and build on that. Wishing you the best. You can do this.
Woke up to reading these comments and they really did give me the push and comfort needed this morning. Thank you all so much. I’ve been looking up meetings in my area and plan on attending one this week.
You got this hun, stay strong and look forward not back!! Strongly advise a meeting, on line ones are pretty good if you haven’t got an in person one locally or soon. and love moving forward
I’m on Day One again today, this time I feel more confident and more defiant in admitting I will never be able to drink without it causing problems in my life. I’m getting lots of encouragement from talking on here and reading other people’s experiences. This community is such a good support. I’m going to a meeting tomorrow so I’m hoping that will be another step to staying alcohol free. We’re all in this together
I’m going to a meeting for Friday evening. I think that’s when I will need it most and also there is one locally so I will be able to get out of the house and go in person. I did attend a few months back when I was in the first few weeks before this relapse, but I never stuck with it. I’m thinking this time that is definitely something I want to have as a main goal.
Hey sami well done for coming back and starting again dont beat yourself up to much but do learn from it if you can do that it was worth it , it took me many attempts before this one has stuck, from doing it for others (ex wife mainly) from oh i can just have a few in moderation, even as you said something i did just to deal with my emotions. But each time i ended back at square one so this gave me part of my tools on what i no doesnt work and i use that still today.so turn something shitty into a good thing u have taken first step by being accountable on here again.
I totally understand. If you ever want some honest feedback from me on how it went for me and the experience of it all, don’t hesitate to message me. The first one I went to months back was really hard for me to walk into as well.
. I think if I put as much effort into healing as I am into beating myself up right now, it could take me a very long way. You’re right, one day at a time.
and look forward not back!! Strongly advise a meeting, on line ones are pretty good if you haven’t got an in person one locally or soon. 
dont beat yourself up to much but do learn from it if you can do that it was worth it , it took me many attempts before this one has stuck, from doing it for others (ex wife mainly) from oh i can just have a few in moderation, even as you said something i did just to deal with my emotions. But each time i ended back at square one so this gave me part of my tools on what i no doesnt work and i use that still today.so turn something shitty into a good thing u have taken first step by being accountable on here again.