Im lying awake again this is torcher why do i do this ,ive got a niggling pain in my right abdomen i feel sick ,i hope ive not done irreversible damage, i hope jesus gives me this last chance ,im not a bad person im just tottaly lost adrift ive never felt good enough i have no skills no passions im hopeless but i just hope jesus if you can will you give me the strength to successfully stop it this time ,and next time i feel good and even think about a drink i will come on here to remind myself why i should never again lift another drink ,ive woke up this morning after around 4 hrs of sleep i do feel really sicky and tingly puffy eyes little pain in my abdomen, i hope i haven’t done irreversible damage, this is my wake up call theres no going back irs either a sober life absolutely accepting that alcohol can no longer be part of my life or death ,ive decided i want to get better
Make this your bottom, reach out and get the help, get on a program, AA, Smart, Recovery Dharma, whatever. It can be done. Have faith in urself 
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I will ive got to stay strong, mentally im in a bad place but i know once I’ve gotten over this i will start to feel better ,im just hoping to turn my life around and get my very damaged relationship with my son back ,it makes me feel like shit knowing how much i have impacted his life with my drinking
You can recover, keep coming to this forum to read posts and check in every day and think about going to AA or another group like SMART or Recovery Dharma. Post on this forum when you need help and you will find support, we have all been there.
Hey! I’m praying for you! And you absolutely are not a bad person! I was in your exact place 11 months ago. Sick, very sick physically, but also emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I can’t tell you how much my life has turned around for the better in those few months.
I too was really freaked about about my abdominal pain, my liver and kidneys. Put off going to doctor for blood work for months. I was fine, but don’t wait like I did.
Something really shifted in me around the 100-120 day mark. You get there one day at a time. I did meetings every day and made it a point to hang and communicate with sober people as much as I could.
Do whatever you have to do to get and stay sober. Alcoholism is a very bad way to go out. It is progressive.
Sober life is living your best life. I’ve never felt more peace and joy in my life, even with the hard days. I will be praying for you nightly.
Thanks so much its bringing tears to my eyes hearing your encouraging words ,im determined, my only worry is ive been there before and dont want anything to divert my way of thinking, so im going to come on here and read alot ,also im planning on reaching out to some aa friends ive not been in touch with since November, im ashamed of my inability to follow through with my promises to get sober ,ive now fully accepted im a alcoholic so hopefully this will be the turning point in the road for me
I know how your feeling right now but it will get better every day. We all don’t just say that to trick you into not drinking!! Those puffy eyes and abdomen camps are signs your body is rejecting the poison, it’s saying I’ve had enough. I did a decade of solid drinking while on benzodiazepines. I did have damage to my body but almost all of it is reversible and the one thing that can’t is fatty liver disease and that can be controlled by diet. So don’t worry about the long term right now. Focus on making it to your next meal without a drink and then sleep.
You are on the right road @Macy2020 try to leave the shame behind, ask for help from your friends and family. Go back to AA it sounds like you’re in the right mindset accepting your disease and powerlessness over alcohol.
Accepting that I was an addict and powerless over my addiction, surrendering, was crucial to me after my last relapse 6 months ago.
Try not to promise to stay sober for more than a day at a time, all we have is today.
I like that. Leave the shame behind. That’s all done now. You have decided you want a better life and you’ve taken progression towards it already!
I just wish I could give you a big hug. I have been there so often, awake at 3am after a day of drinking and absolutely feeling so lost and broken and scared. My drinking has affected my children also. Reach out, stick to this place daily or all day if you need. Your new journey begins when no matter what, you do, you do not take that first drink. Your life will improve everyday I promise. There is a new life, with new dreams and a restored relationship with your son and many other wonderful things if you put the work in. I also had right side liver pain, and that went away when I stopped drinking. I came clean to my Dr and other than very high liver enzymes, my liver was okay. I wish you the very best 
Thanks for the reply i love it on here that can understand what i am going through that for them its easy to put down a drink, many years ago that was the case for me to but things changed ,my brother is a alcoholic has been 20 plus years it runs in the family ,i pleaded with him years ago to just stop now here i am struggling to do the very same thing that i asked him to do ,i want to change now tho ive had enough i need to get my life back and it sounds simple just dont pick up that first drink, now i understand, i cant have a first it will always lead to the next and next and hell descends i want peace in my life that means giving it up completely
For us, giving it up completely is the only way. The only way we will be truly happy and at peace. It is the first drink that leads to all the others. Just take it Day by day, or moment by moment. The hrs will add up and then the days, you will start to feel better and then, hope and love and happiness come back into your life.
How was your day Maggie?
Hi matt thanks for checking in on me ,im feeling emotional crying at tv programmes (long lost family)lol my journey seems as if its going to be so long to get to a place where this is all a distant memory, sometimes im glad that im going through this as i can remove something that was always a issue in my life but in another way im sad that it got to this point, im angry with myself for the bad decisions the ruined relationship with my son repairing it seems along way away ,but one thing is for sure im going to use every thing ive got to not listen to that wee devil he normally pops up when im feeling better and drags me back to hell again ,i have to break the cycle ,how are you how long have you been sober for ?
I’ve been working on my sobriety since 2019 (and indirectly for several years before that). If we’re counting my current uninterrupted days of sobriety, I’m at 23 days. These days feel different though. I feel I’ve reached a deeper understanding; I’m more purposeful and confident about my decision to say no.
The decision to say no: that’s really the decision that turns things around, I think.
Are you at the point where you’ve decided, really decided, to say no? You may be unsure at the moment - that is normal for many people! - but to get some confidence, commitment, you should ask yourself, what are you giving up by giving away alcohol? By no longer running to it to numb you?
I’ll tell you: at first it will be intense rollercoaster emotions. In the early days it is like that because the feelings you’ve been numbing for years come pouring forth. Stay committed though and have faith. It will pass as you face the emotions, one at a time, and gradually you’ll get more stable.
And remember the list of benefits from quitting. Sassy has a good list here (scroll down a bit to get to the list):
Don’t give up Maggie. You are a good person and you deserve a safe, sober life. 
I am at the stage i want to stop for years i knew i was drinking to much then i told a person i was closed to but not close enough to judge me i rolled on like that for years knowing but never really admitting, in july last year i went to aa if im honest i thought i could tone down my drinking get in under control but ive since learnt i cant ,i have no shame once i lose control im at the shops as soon as its open early morning and even before that drinking the dregs of whatever i can find from the night before, no ive accepted im alcoholic and ive accepted is never brought anything good to my life ,only at this moment in time im wondering how i will ever find the contentment it use to give me but im sure i will figure that out in time
You will find it first in coming to terms with your emotional self, sober (this you do through a program like AA), then second through building a life that meets your needs (a life of emotional meaning, a life of meaningful sober relationships), then through meaningful service (this can take many forms).
You will find this contentment, I promise. But you need to start by coming to terms with your emotional identity and your emotional self. This is your first stage. Hit up a meeting and commit - and you will find it in time