I first relapsed one day in early December because I had trouble sleeping. I was hit with heavy grief, and I still am, from a romantic relationship situation. It’s complicated. Then during the following weeks of Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve I drank again due to social obligations and a hidden part of it was that grief I’m still currently going through.
Last week I was invited to an intimate gathering with family members and their significant other where alcohol was involved and I guiltily took part due to the aforementioned grief and social obligations. Then these past several days I drank for 3 straight days to just help me get through what I’m going through which I know is never a good way to go yet I did it anyway.
I prayed and still pray to God during these times of struggle but it’s just difficult. It’s hard when most of the family are alcoholics and rely on it during gatherings, when one has preexisting mental health struggles, and when one is battling a silent war very few people know about. This is not just the grief and social obligations but from many reasons and situations that are unspoken which I am going through. I couldn’t afford therapy right now and I’d much rather just focus on what I can actively do to start healing and start my sobriety again with the means I have and the resources that are readily available to me. I also talked to a few people I trust and whom I’m close to including my best friend who knows more than what I’ve told others, and they all understand and support me in my healing. I reset my sober countdown to zero some time earlier because I only drank tea, coconut water, and water for the whole day.
I still have hope within me and I’d like to share that same hope to whoever is reading this too. May God bless us all.
the issue is that this one is a powerful drug.