My husband has his own addiction issues which he says he will face in his own time. I have no problem with this, it’s his journey and never once made to feel like as though it’s a problem. Wev been together many years married etc all of those he’s been under the influence of this substance so i knew what I brought as such. We enabled each others addiction because if I drank he could go out and buy and if he went out and brought he would buy me a bottle to ease his guilt. Its a vicious cycle.
Since iv gave up baring in mind this is like day 11 for me so I’m still a baby in the sobriety journey and after being initial really impressed and supportive the last few days he’s becoming argumentative. Ill ask to go for a bath for headspace, he agrees and says hel wait to smoke and then when I come down he’s moody and when confronted an argument breaks out. And he’s the type to use his voice and that’s the end of it. But it was already agreed I was allowed to go so if you had a problem just say and ill wait? Iv told him this but he always says its fine then complains he needs to smoke asap and ensue argument. This is the running theme.
(Btw I’m not asking for my own space every 5 mins, house is cleaned iv made his lunch dinners cooked and been eaten, kids fed homework done so I just need him to be present with them)
I have tried to break the cycle before but always went back to drinking because it wasn’t great being the sober one and then getting shit too. It always ends in it getting to much to handle and I drink.
I’m basically not needing any advice really. Just a safe space to rant because I don’t want my emotions to keep building and building till I crack.
Not advice, but my own experience with my husband was similar in early sobriety, in that we would argue a lot about what was supportive and what was not. I was VERY on edge and emotional in those early days. My husband was trying to be supportive, but he didn’t really know what that entailed and I really didn’t for awhile either. Also, it was a huge adjustment for us both…we got together drinking and our life revolved around it. So it was a rough transition and learning time for us both. Just wanted to share that.
No completely. Iam fragile and we’re adjusting together. Iv asked him from now to be crystal clear about what he needs and his feelings and for me to do the same to avoid tension as much as possible. It’s all I can do for the time being and keep on going. Thankyou everyone for hearing me out x
Plus, cuz you’re sober, you are more aware of your parenting responsibilities. So, you want him to pick up some slack with them. Sounds like you do a lot for your family. Time to refresh yourself is number one when you’re early in your recovery. The feelings are raw.
Take care. I know many women that have partners who still use. It can be done.
Feel free to rant, its good to get things off your chest and you mite find some answers while you write.
It’s good therapy and we’re all here to listen and not judge. Stay on the wagon and don’t get off for anything and remember you can do something for 24 hours that would appall you if you had to keep it up for a lifetime, it’s only one day at a time.
More in the sense I ask if I’m allowed to go do something because we have three kids to juggle one being just over one years old so needs constant supervision. I’m just trying to fit in at a convenient time that’s suits. I wouldn’t wanna go off for a bath if everything is turned upside down and equally wouldn’t expect him to pop out to a mates if I’m drowning with the kids.
My problem was more he was like yeah go chill then half hour later he’s in a mood with me cause I went and chilled.
I didn’t elaborate on the kids ages or how many on the post as I don’t like to go into detail about my kids online but hopefully this puts in more into context x
Good thankyou I’m on day 12 and excited to hit the 2 week milestone All peace and harmony restored, he actually said he needed to pull his head out of his backside and stop leaning on me so much. So I think what you said about me being sober and parenting not being so one sided was pretty spot on. Theres just guna be shifts in our relationship for the better cause I’m not drunk and letting it slide!
Have you had a good day?
And your kids might start acting out now, too. When parents are clean they can set higher standards for their kids, which might upset the apple cart with little ones who have gotten away with a lot while the homefront was more shaky. Sooooo, you’re going to have a lot of fun (or not) as your life changes.
The only thing constant is…change. lol
I’m doing well. My annual physical was today and I’m in good shape. Blood pressure was only 118/72. Good for me.
I’ve had some similar experience with my husband, it’s been a week since I stopped drinking. He is supportive but isn’t ready to face his own slightly different struggles yet (which is ok with me; it needs to be on his own time). We’ve both been extra emotionally charged lately and he’s been more irritable. I don’t know if this is true in your case, but I get the sense my husband might feel a little uneasy that I’m making sincere changes and sort of raising the bar as his partner in life; it’s pushing him to look at change for himself too.
All peace and harmony restored, he actually said he needed to pull his head out of his backside and stop leaning on me so much. So I think what you said about me being sober and parenting not being so one sided was pretty spot on. Theres just guna be shifts in our relationship for the better cause I’m not drunk and letting it slide!
Well done you.